to feel insulted, upset and depressed at letter from tax credits?

[newsparklythings]

Every tax credits letter I have received up to now has been the standard form, which I have filled in and sent back. that doesn't stop them cocking up the payments of course - one year they decided they had over-paid and just.. stopped them 6 months into the tax year (luckily I had savings to live on). They have done the same this year with a month to go to April so not quite as bad but not great either.

But now they have sent a letter with the headline:

"Your tax credit award - should you be making a joint claim.."

It might also seem like a standard letter to some, but as a single parent it feels like I'm being accused of something. I mean, the last time I checked I didn't have a man hiding under my bed or supplying me with big bundles of cash. But the letter is kind of saying they don't trust that I have got that bit right. By suggesting that I 'might just want to check' that I am not a single person.

Another bit of the letter reads:

"I would like you to reconsider your current circumstances and check if you should be claiming as part of a couple."

Now, just thinking through my 'circumstances'.. DD's DF pissed off when I was 6 weeks pregnant (so, single then).. I was pregnant with serious MH issues as a result through my pregnancy (so, single).. gave birth alone (alone, so single).. and have raised DD alone for a number of years since. Her DF cannot even be bothered to meet her, so there is little chance really of us shacking up together. And as I have practically zero support and work full-time, and have barely ever been able to do anything on my own (like, pee) since she was born.. I would say I am still single.

But 'Darren' from HMRC thinks I might just want to check.

it’s no wonder you have mental health issues if you...

do you want to re-read that?

or are you actually that ignorant?

I refuse to enter a debate about why people decide to have children they cannot afford

Then with all due respect, you’re a bit hard of understanding then, aren’t you? Jesus wept. Why do we get the same old shit, time and time and time again? What is wrong with people that they are unable to see a bigger picture?

I stand by it

Depressed insulted upset.

Over this?

Then with all due respect, you’re a bit hard of understanding then, aren’t you? Jesus wept. Why do we get the same old shit, time and time and time again? What is wrong with people that they are unable to see a bigger picture?

Bloody agonising, isn't it?

It’s not sent to everyone. It’s sent to people claiming as single parents.

This is the issue. It's not sent to all claimants ("can we check with your details are correct please"), it's sent to one particular group and in phrased in a particularly suggestive way ("are you sure you're not claiming something you're not entitled to?"). It's as bad as the DWP video from Valentine's Day, again targeting the same group.

The theory behind it is called the nudge theory. The motivation behind it is clear.
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nudge_theory

The rate of benefit fraud is less than 2%. They're targeting a hundred people for the actions of one or two. That's the equivalent of targeting all Muslims, or all black people, because a rare one does something bad. It's disgraceful.

Those letters can be the last straw on a bad day. I get that with attendance letters about dc4 who has several chronic health conditions. Sometimes it's hard not to take it personally.

I sometimes wonder about the cut off for these things. I had the opposite issue when dh and I were students. If we were single then we were assessed based on our parents income but if we were a couple we were assessed on our own income so would get more student loan and our tuition fees paid for. We said we were both single but as we were living together then I think we should have said we were a couple.

Rhoda well said. I hate the small mindedness on here.

The OP has worked full time to bring up her daughter alone despite facing some entirely unpredictable problems. As a society we should be grateful for women who step up like this and bring up their children with resilience and a work ethic that will make them a valuable part of the future workforce.

I don’t agree she was right to be offended, but I do think she deserves every bloody penny she gets!

give me a break, courts don't give everything to one person and nothing to the other when they divorce. If your ex doesn't fulfill his legal obligations, that's another problem, but you can take enforcement actions

And another one with only half a brain....not every divorcing couple has money in the bank and a house with equity to spilt between them.

There is no legal recourse to child maintenance through the courts as an individual. That’s the CMS’s jurisdiction. That means the CMS has to take the case to court. And even if they do (and often they don’t), the courts can’t get blood from a stone.

I'm not even on benefits, my letter was because I receive the single person CT discount - and the general tone was 'come on, we all know you're lying...' when a bit of common sense would have shown that my kids were students, didn't live at home, and were only registered here for postal votes because, as students, they moved about a lot!

I had to fill in a form giving their addresses...even though THEY DON'T PAY CT BECAUSE THEY ARE STUDENTS. Still makes me seethingly angry.

It's a standard letter and hopefully does get some to own upto being in a couple whilst claiming to be single.

If you want to claim state assistance to fund your choices then you jump through their hoops or don't claim.

Regardless of paying tax, it's not a savings scheme to dip into when people want children. Most people don't cover anywhere near there costs let alone pay in extra.

There's always someone banging on about life choices on these threads as though the majority of single parents made a conscious decision to pop out kids on their own via a succession of one night stands so they could fleece people out of "free money". I certainly didn't choose to be dropped on my arse when I was pregnant. My "life choices" thereafter were to either sit on my backside and claim benefits or to work and claim tax credits to help fund the £740 I pay for childcare on a salary that just about meets the National average. I'm so privileged.

It’s not sent to everyone. It’s sent to people claiming as single parents.

not sure what the point would be to send that to people already making joint claim

There's always someone banging on about life choices on these threads as though the majority of single parents made a conscious decision to pop out kids on their own via a succession of one night stands so they could fleece people out of "free money". I certainly didn't choose to be dropped on my arse when I was pregnant. My "life choices" thereafter were to either sit on my backside and claim benefits or to work and claim tax credits to help fund the £740 I pay for childcare on a salary that just about meets the National average. I'm so privileged.

These kind of people will just tell you to get a better paid job and to have kept your legs shut in the first place. They just literally are that stupid. They can not see past the end of their own noses.

I understand where your coming from OP. Your working your hardest and it feels like your being accused of cheating.

It’s shocking really that a single parent working full time has to have this top up. Employers should pay a living wage.

I also wonder if the Government make it so hard to navigate the claiming system that they hope it’ll stop people applying.

Well there you have it, apparently I did not have permission from Curious to experience any emotional distress when ex left when I was pregnant. Or one might assume at any point since, despite the cumulative effect of raising a baby/child single-handed over the years. How dare I. It is the job of every woman left holding the baby (literally) to become a feeling-less robot and accept her lot without an ill word.

May I be forgiven for hoping karma steps up to bite Curious hard in her behind?

newsparklythings

Its a very badly worded letter

There are better ways to ask these things even if they just sent out a change of circumstances letter with having a new partner being one of the examples

Its the whole 'can you check that you are not in a partnership' bit thats a bit silly

Ffs give the OP a break, she came on to have a vent & bit of moan she is a single parent, without anyone to talk it over with, is she not allowed this, because some delightful posters think it’s free money & you should put up & shut up, the attitudes sometimes on these boards is deplorable, she is working & paying her taxes.
Yy Rhoda & Twattymc well said.

It's a standard letter aimed at those ( many) couples who think it's fine to have a long term partner with whom they usually have a couple of kids with yet think it's fine to claim as single ( therefore getting a lot more benefit money) whilst their partner claims to 'officially' live round the corner at his mams whilst actually spending every minute in the family household yet not actually having to contribute anything towards the upkeep of his kids because the state pays for them. This is the kind of set up that this letter is aimed at, not the genuinely single parents who do not de-fraud the system in this way. I had a work collegue who had a seven year old with her partner - he was there all the time, yet she claimed as single and as I have said he had his address at his mums, she claimed like this for years. Now they earn above the limit for benefits funnily enough they live happily together.

YANBU at all. The idea that everyone recieving any kind of benefit or tax credit is a lying, scrounging subhuman is infuriating (the real thieves are mostly the directors of companies which pay the majority of their employees the minimum they can get away with - it's THESE greedy bastards that the Daily Mail comment section ranters are actually subsiziding).

twatty I think it's more than that. I get the impression there are people of the opinion is a woman finds herself pregnant and alone - her partner/husband leaves while she is pregnant, she should abort. There is a pp near the top who says almost exactly that. As though by not making that 'choice' at that point, the woman is wrong. I am not sure what they think the cut off point is, but it certainly comes across that they think the woman should be punished if she does anything but make this 'choice'.

It's worded as such to indeed intimidate those who are guilty of pretending to be single when they certainly are not. It is was a jolly letter, these people would laugh, ignore it and continue as they are.

OP, you shouldn't be offended because the above people are taking money from you, as a tax payer and someone claiming tax credits rightly. You should be there shouting how happy you are that they are indeed trying to reduce the number of false claimants.

'Darren' doesn't care about you as a person, just as a number, there was no need to take it all so personally.

the problem is that the OP has a terrible attitude on this thread and is winding people up

Tax Credits which go into the pockets of the nursery nurses who look after my DD
charming way to put it

The letter is not personal, why do you have to feel like a victim about it? the letter is kind of saying they don't trust that I have got that bit right. No it's not.. I mean, seriously

If you want to claim state assistance to fund your choices then you jump through their hoops or don't claim

No, you can absolutely sod off with that shite. I didn’t make a choice to be left for another woman. I didn’t choose for my ex to use his self employment as a means by which to avoid the payment of child maintenance. I did fuck all wrong. Fuck all. I married at 30, didn’t have children till I had a home and a career and until I had been with my ex for 6 years. Nothing at all could have led me to predict he would behave in the way he behaves. Nothing.

And yet you and your cronies think I am somehow in the wrong? I claim ‘state assistance’ because without it we would be on the streets. And I’m a fucking teacher.

It's a standard letter they send out to all single claimants outlining the circumstances in which they need to change their claim to joint. This is done so people can't claim they "didn't know they had to change" it's not a personal attack or an attempt to make you feel shit.