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AIBU?

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Original poster

That a 40 year old man child is pathetic not endearing?

206 replies

RoryAndLogan · 19/03/2018 08:53

My cousins husband has posted online about meal prep she has done for him. She's going away with work for 3 days, and has filled the fridge with Tupperware labelled 'breakfast', 'lunch' and 'dinner' for each day.

His post was 'wife goals! No going hungry for me!'

He's 39 years old.

She's mentioned in the past how if she's ever away he will just eat pizza if she doesn't prepare his meals as he can't do anything else and talks about it like it's endearing and sweet Hmm

AIBU that this isn't at all endearing, but pathetic?

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 20/03/2018 18:31

I enjoy cooking (from scratch etc etc), but, the other week, DW was out with DC and I had the house to myself.

Readers, my tea consisted of slices of peanut butter on toast and it was lush.

But - I agree, not being able to cook is not endearing.

FizzyGreenWater · 20/03/2018 18:33

Readers, my tea consisted of slices of peanut butter on toast and it was lush.

GO YOU

#slatterngoals

fizzthecat1 · 20/03/2018 18:33

OP you are right this is pathetic but you've posted on AIBU which means you are in the wrong no matter what you say

BackBoiler · 20/03/2018 18:35

I make my husband breakfast, packed lunch/lunch at home and tea every day like I do the rest of the family but when I went away for a long weekend with friends I was like see ya.....him and the kids went to Asda as far as I know and spent loads on pizza, sweets, crisps etc! I assume it was better than my 24/7 prosecco and gin diet for the best part of three days!

BuzzKillington · 20/03/2018 18:36

My husband does this for me if he goes away (not labelling stuff in Tupperware but he'll prep a few meals). I don't want him to, but he knows I'll cook the kids pasta for 3 nights and just eat ryvitas myself if he doesn't.

But the things people post on FB is astonishing.

BackBoiler · 20/03/2018 18:36

P.S. He is an ok cook - I just get home first every day and they wanted to eat pizza that weekend!

rocketgirl22 · 20/03/2018 19:05

I wonder if manchild has read this and is now regretting his post? Grin

Would love to see his christmas cards this year!!

Brocka · 20/03/2018 21:46

Yes you are unreasonable. Its not really anything to do with you for one. Secondly you don't know what is going on in the background. He could have work commitments that make.him.tired by the time he is home. That mean he hasn't the energy and will quite happily eat pizza. There could also be an element if "I don't feel like eating a proper meal because wife isn't here, and it doesnt feel like a family meal". Or he may genyinely.not be able to.cook some meals. Im severely disabled, in a wheelchair and have one arm, but I still tub up meals for hubby.every now and agaon. Because he does everything else, he does all the housework barring cooking, he looks after our 5 year old and he also cares.for.me. by the end of it I dont blame him for.thinking pizza sounds like a good idea and although I know my son would more than likely.make a healthy sandwhich salad or snack if Im not there hubby would rather grab a sausage roll or order pizza out of.tiredness so yes I tub up meals and.freeze them.soI if I am not there or.ill they can eat a hot healthy meal.

pleaseletmesmile · 20/03/2018 21:54

This post makes me so sad for equality. Subservient women and their needy, manchild partners. I thought we had left 1950 behind!! As a single mother who left a pathetic, incapable mummy's boy, i feel it is my duty to teach my son how to cook/clean/iron etc ...these are importnant life skills!

genius1308 · 20/03/2018 22:51

All the posters saying 'I do that otherwise he wouldn't eat properly and would just love on pizza'! So what, he's an adult. If he's too lazy to cook and lives on pizza and take aways for 3 days then so what? It's his health! Too many women are facilitating this behaviour. I do cook for my husband, if he is at home at the same time as I am cooking tea for the rest of the family. If he gets home late from work then I will plate some up (if it's a meal that can be plated) but usually he'll come home and make himself something. He's an adult! Learn to look after yourself or starve...IMHO. exactly the same as he does his own ironing, if he wants his clothes ironed then he can do it himself. Why is the fact that he's a man and working full time more important than the fact that I'm a woman, working full time AND looking after the kids. How on earth will these men ever grow up? Believe me, my boys will never have to rely on a wife to care for them. I'm not a horrible person BTW, I do lots of things for my husband...the same as he does lots of lovely things for me. But neither of us 'expect' the other to do things for each other! I was determined never to be my mother (as lovely as she is). Dad always had to have tea on the table when he walked in from work, clothes had to be cleaned, ironed and ready to wear, shopping needed to be done, house needed to be cleaned and tidy etc...he never helped with any of these tasks BTW. She says now that if she dies before him he'll be stuffed, he won't be able to do anything for himself. She is getting better though (at 70) and will make him iron his own shirts and if she goes out she won't make his tea first. ...he does just tend to go to the takeaway though but that's his problem!

BelleandBeast · 20/03/2018 23:29

On the face of it, pathetic, but we don't know what he does for her do we?

blueshoes · 20/03/2018 23:43

Maybe she has got Tupperware she wants to show off on social media.

raspberrysuicide · 20/03/2018 23:59

I worked with a woman who had to get up at 4 in the morning to make dinner for her husband if she wasn't going to be home for dinner.
I wouldn't do that ever. If a man can't cook i wouldn't be with him

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/03/2018 01:55

I do consider it's more than just the couple's business, and that it has the potential to affect others outside of their lives.

If they have sons and their sons grow up in the same pampered infantilised way, then there's another generation of men who suffer from learned helplessness and expect their partners to take over where their mothers left off.

Not many women set out to look for a partner like that, even though they might often end up with one!

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 21/03/2018 02:01

I find it weird.

Especially posting about it on social media.

5plusMeAndHim · 21/03/2018 02:20

There is nothing to say the husband can't or won't cook for himself? Where are people getting that from?
The wife is trying to do something nice for her dh and he is posting on Facebook to say he appreciates her thoughtfulness if more relationship s were built on thoughtfulness and appreciation there would a lot more happy kids in society.
Op is pretty and jealous

VegasWithRadishes · 21/03/2018 03:57

Dp and I do this for each other - we both work in a tourist related industry, and when it's the high season we can often end up working 90+ hours a week (each). So we'll both batch cook and label things for each other when we get a rare morning/evening or whatever off. I see nothing wrong with the act itself but it's a bit weird that he's proud of it? It's like saying
"AHH isn't it so awesome that I'm too useless to cook anything more than a frozen pizza?"... but, each to their own I suppose!

kmc1111 · 21/03/2018 04:26

My DH does this for me.

I can and do cook, very well in fact, but if I’m alone I won’t bother with much more than toast or a very boring pasta dish. DH on the other hand greatly enjoys cooking, so he’s very happy to do some meal prepping for me. He gets all excited at the chance to try out different recipes tailored specifically to my taste. It’s sweet, and he makes me some really lovely stuff. If I was the type to boast on social media, I’d certainly boast about my caring husband and the beautiful meals he makes me.

I do various other things for him. Not because he’s incapable or pretends he’s incapable, but because those things aren’t interesting or a priority for him, whereas I actually like doing them.

Isn’t that just marriage? Taking care of each other as best you can?

CosyLulu · 21/03/2018 05:03

Maybe he was born without a brain and she has got one and although it is only quite small, she can still make the sandwiches.

Abbylee · 21/03/2018 05:40

Why is kindness wrong? The posting bit is odd, but my dh works out of town and I try to prepare salads and meals for him to take to his apartment. He works long hours and everyone appreciates home cooked food.

He came home for a few months and lost a lot of weight and looks much better so I think that he needs my cooking. He often cooks at home, nobody would think of him as childish. good marriages share responsibilities. Aside from public proclamations, it's nice, I think.

tillytown · 21/03/2018 06:44

abbylee I agree, everyone does appreciate home cooked food, so does your husband prepare meals and salads for you before he leaves to show you kindness? Or is it a one-way street, like it appears to be for the other food makers on this thread?

strawberrygelato · 21/03/2018 06:48

She's just being an obediant little wife. Like they should be.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 21/03/2018 07:21

Nothing wrong with kindness, I make breakfast for my husband all the time. But if I didn’t, he wouldn’t just eat pizza instead, because he is a functioning adult.

YouTheCat · 21/03/2018 07:33

Leaving a couple of meals ready to heat up is a nice thing to do. I'd do that for dp even though he's more than capable of cooking. Labelling them and doing the same for breakfast and lunch is weird though and the whole 'wife work' shit is just indicative of this man's contempt for his wife.

ArcheryAnnie · 21/03/2018 09:42

There is nothing to say the husband can't or won't cook for himself? Where are people getting that from?

@5plusMeAndHim The husband explicitly posts "wife goals! No going hungry for me!" Why would he go hungry without his wife to cook for him, if he can cook for himself? And if it's just a lovely thoughtful give-and-take between two people in a relationship, why "wife goals"? Why not "partner goals"?

To claim that this has nothing to do with gendered expectations about "wives" and "husbands" is just naive. On the "happy kids" thing, I want my happy kid to grow up into a happy adult who would never boast about being such an infantilised man.

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