Would I know if I'd been raped? So anxious please help

[Sofuckingstupiddespair]

I got really drunk last night I don't know what happened. I don't really remember leaving my friends just vaguely, they were going home, I got confused and didn't know where I was. Ended up walking around the quiet streets for hours by myself I don't remember all this clearly just bits.

Could I have been raped and not know? I'm lying in bed shaking I'm so scared. I don't know how this happened. One minute I was fine, next really really drunk.

I've lost about £20 I think and don't know how this happened so maybe someone stole it or maybe I just lost it but if someone took it I don't remember and what if I was raped? What if I have a std?

OP it is completely possible that you got yourself into a realm of drunkeness where the thinking/remembering part of your brain completely shut down, but the action/mobility part was functioning fairly normally. This would have allowed you to walk the streets (potentially even appearing ok to passers-by) for a couple of hours, before you sobered up enough for the thinking part to regain some control and send you home.

”one minute I was fine, next really really drunk"- That sounds like you were drugged

Not necessarily, sometimes it takes a while for the effect of the alcohol to catch up with you.

The chances of you having being raped by a stranger are vanishingly small. I think you’d have more reason to believe something had happened than just a lack of memory, and would have checked your underwear!

As many PPs have already said, the anxiety felt after a big night is very real and has most likely been compounded by your already fragile state of mind. Was your bereavement a recent one?

Takes about 20 minutes from drinking alcohol for it to hit. Easy to drink more than you think not realising how much you'll be affected.

The anxiety is normal and will pass off soon enough. If anything really bad had happened I think you would remember, and there would be some evidence of it, after all, you remember that you were walking around 'quiet streets' and being lost. Just learn from the experience and move on.

If you have had sex and are wearing the same underwear, you should be able to tell? Gross... but smells and dampness etc

^ This, 100%.
It is very, very unlikely that something has happened, apart from the consumption of vast quantities of alcohol in a relatively short space of time. Try to keep hydrated, take an ibuprofen and try and get some sleep.

Are you on any medication that may have had an affect on the alcohol op?

OP, I drink much less than I used to because for me, one of the side effects of drinking is that I wake up a few hours after going to bed with a racing heart and often a feeling of dread or shame. The feeling is horrific, like a terrible fear. Luckily for me it now happens after more than about 3 glasses of wine so my memory is unimpaired and I know that I have behaved fine and nothing terrible had happened to me. I did some research and found that the metabolisation of alcohol releases a chemical very similar to adrenaline (I'm not a scientist so someone might be able to correct this info to make it more accurate). I am very sensitive to adrenaline - the injections you get at the dentist I have to have the adrenaline free version or I get jittery. So the dread is a physiological response to alcohol, not a suppressed memory of horror, if you see what I mean.

The heart thing is called 'holiday heart'.

I avoid this horrific feeling by drinking very moderately. Might this be your first experience if a similar reaction?

I apologise as I haven't read the full thread just the first few pages, if anyone else has mentioned this.

OP, you're going to be fine. This overwhelming anxiety will pass.

About 18 months ago I went out with friends from work to mark the occasion of my leaving. We arrived in the pub at lunchtime. I probably drank about 2 bottles of wine. I felt drunk, but not paralytic. The minute I got outside into the fresh air, it was like someone had hit me with a brick. I can't remember much from that point. A friend put me in a taxi but at some point I stopped and got out - I think I was worried I was going to vomit. I then spent 2 hours walking the 1.5 miles home. I can only remember the last 10 minutes as I became aware that I had lost my house keys. Had to ring my sister to let me into my flat. I had a massive scrape down the side of my face, on my hand, and I'd broken my watch. Had obviously face-planted at some point. Again no memory of that.

Sorry I didn't mean to rattle on but to reassure you that it's perfectly possible to have blackouts when you've consumed a large amount of alcohol, no spiking needed. It's also possible to be wandering around for an hour or two. Have you ever seen someone cataclysmicly drunk walking down the road, weaving from one side to the other, swaying, catching onto lamp posts? Takes ten times as long to walk down a road when you're in that state.

Is there anyone in RL that you can call and talk about your anxiety? Could the friend you've been speaking to maybe pop over after work?

Try to calm down. Can you get to a supermarket? Buy some chamomile tea and kalms. They will help your nerves / anxiety.
From what you've said you probably weren't raped. You would know from your underwear or from physical marks.
You sound like you have an awful case of the horrors. Blacking out is horrendous and we automatically assume the worst.
Try to put it down to experience and be more aware of your alcohol consumption in the future

Redglitter I suggested phoning 10 because that is a damn sight better than rocking up to A&E IMHO. Also they will know if drink spiking is an issue where ever OP is. If it is a problem, they may want here to get a blood sample taken for other investigations. If something had happened to her they may have received calls. And that was an early suggestion without the benefit of the later posts

Hi OP you’re likely having an alcohol induced panic attack. I used to have this a lot when I went through an extremely stressful period in my life and sometimes over drank. Stress and alcohol sometimes mix very very badly.

You need some stodgy food and sleep. Lots of water. Be kind to yourself for the next few days. Early nights, do as little as possible. It will take a while to feel normal again

yarboosucks There was noting in the op’s original or subsequent post that suggested spiking or indeed any type of assault. There is nothing at this point that makes this a police matter and there is nothing the police can do. She was drunk, that’s all.

OP I should add that when I get this reaction to the adrenaline- like side effect of metabolising alcohol, I have to use mindfulness and be super scientific and rational about it being a physiological response and not a "real" fear. It is truly truly unpleasant and feels like a very real dread. So much so that I never want to feel it again. So I sympathise completely.

101 won’t be able to do anything and that really isn’t what the service is for

Can you get a friend to come over and hand hold? You really need to be tucked into bed with a sweet tea, or a hot chocolate.

Sweetheart, it sounds like you've got beer fear coupled with anxiety, possibly due to the counseling session coming up. You mention that you haven't been out much recently - was that due to anxiety?

Get something to eat and drink. Are you still in last nights clothes? Check your underwear etc of course, but if all seems normal (as you physically do)take a shower and try to relax. Have you ever tried mindfulness techniques to help with anxiety? They can be incredibly helpful

yarboo - very, very few reports of ' spiking' are ever proven - especially by blood tests.

What's more likely to have happened as it's extremely common, is someone getting pissed, not remembering what happened and thinking that; or them doing something they wouldn't normally do means they were spiked.

My friend used to work in a very late night bar which had many reports to the Police made on a Monday from people thinking they'd been spiked and robbed (a crime ref number is usually needed when you report items as stolen for insurance).

99% of the time the Police saw CCTV inside and outside which showed people dropping their money/bag/wallet/phone or just wandering off without it.

I think you might benefit from a fix of carbs to replace all the sugar that was metabolised away by the alcohol. I used to drink a lot and whenever I drank enough to give me the lost vagueness, a hit of sugary, starchy stuff would really help the next day. I used to keep a few tins of Ambrosia in the house expressly for the purpose.

I'd have awful panicky heebie-jeebies, like you describe, but less specific. It's awful the first time it happens but I drank a hell of a lot, pretty regularly, for around 10 years, so I kind of got used to it.

If you're starting counselling this week, I'd speak to the counsellor about it. It may help if you go a bit easy on the grog for a while too.

Hope you soon feel better.

If you have an iPhone there is an app on there that will tell you exactly where you have been. Go to location services, system, significant locations.

If you have google maps on your phone there is an even better one, just go to your timeline and it will detail everything.

Please don't waste A&E resources. Do you have anyone who can pop round later for a natter and a cuppa? If not, go for a shower, put on fresh pj's, watch a marathon of mindless tv shows and order a Chinese. Make an appointment to see your GP and discuss everything you've spoken about with your new counsellor.

You 100% have the fear but you'd know if you'd had sex or been raped.

Hopefully you’re having a bit of a nap.

Being scared...I’m not sure I can explain this very well, but bear with.

After my Dad died I started getting panic attacks, I’d never had them before, but they were horrible. I read something online that helped me get them under control. Fear is a feeling - that’s all. It can’t hurt you, it can’t ‘do’ anything. It helped me a lot, I think I was scared of where the panic attack would take me, but I realised I didn’t have to let it take me anywhere. I could just accept it was a feeling and I could choose not to let it ‘win’. I really am doing an almighty crap job at explaining this. But *Fear is JUST a feeling. It can’t DO anything’.

Try to eat some carbs & some fat and drink something, it’ll help your body which will help your anxiety.

I’m sorry you’ve lost your Mum, I want my Dad back too x💐

*i realise that some people have FAR more serious panic attacks than I did/do & might not be able to control them in the way I did/do, but it’s worth trying.

Op it sounds like you have severe anxiety which makes you fixate on 'bad' things..

You have no need to think you have been raped.

Anxiety can make you feel like you are about to die/feel terrified but don't know why or of what/paralyses you from moving...sound familiar?

If so then then you need to get some help, do these things,

See your GP, tell him/her about your anxiety, get referral for CBT or on waiting list/meds if GP advises.

Get a meditation CD and listen to morning and before bed every day without fail, it will help calm you noticeably.

Eat well, prioritise, plan 3 healthy meals and 2 snacks in between.(keep your blood sugar steady)

Have a relaxing bedtime routine and time to sleep.

Don't drink until you are feeling OK about life, then limit your drinks to just 2. ( whilst you are finding life so difficult, alcohol will intensify the feelings then give you a crash so best avoided for a while)

It sounds like you have had a difficult time with bereavement, and really need to focus on yourself.

I second everything that AnnieAnoniMouse said ..well explained!