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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I know if I'd been raped? So anxious please help

204 replies

Sofuckingstupiddespair · 18/03/2018 12:48

I got really drunk last night I don't know what happened. I don't really remember leaving my friends just vaguely, they were going home, I got confused and didn't know where I was. Ended up walking around the quiet streets for hours by myself I don't remember all this clearly just bits.

Could I have been raped and not know? I'm lying in bed shaking I'm so scared. I don't know how this happened. One minute I was fine, next really really drunk.

I've lost about £20 I think and don't know how this happened so maybe someone stole it or maybe I just lost it but if someone took it I don't remember and what if I was raped? What if I have a std?

OP posts:
Pangur2 · 18/03/2018 13:09

Try not to panic. I used to get this as a sort of intrusive thought the few times I got black out drunk, but it turned out to be an extreme form of beer fear. I think you realise what could have happened being that drunk and your hungover brain builds on that until you are extremely anxious. Try and chat to your friends but if you are feeling very anxious maybe go to the doctor like others have said, in order to put your mind at rest.
If there is no evidence of any untoward it is extremely unlikely anything happened to you though. You will feel better tomorrow!

Yarboosucks · 18/03/2018 13:10

The advice from Vilamaria is not good. If something did happened to OP (and it is an IF OP!), then her memory may return. Phone the non emergency services number and speak to them. They will be able to advise you on what to do.

Echobelly · 18/03/2018 13:12

It sounds very unlikely you've been raped. As has been said, it is extremely rare to just be set upon in the street, regardless of your state of sobriety. Women get bombarded with the message that if we get drunk and go anywhere alone we'll get raped, which is basically bullshit, but I can totally understand why it will create anxiety when you have some blanks in your memory.

If there's anyone you can talk through this with IRL I think it might set your mind at rest. I hope you can feel reassured soon.

whampiece · 18/03/2018 13:12

Christ sake A&E is not where you go when you got pissed and can't remember getting home Confused

Some people really do live on another planet. The emergency services are not there to ease the minds of hungover people!

OP, unless you have any reason to suspect you were raped, then it's probable you were not. Not remembering how you got home isn't a reason to suspect rape.

PrettyLittIeThing · 18/03/2018 13:12

Emergency services? How many people go out on the weekend get paralytic then can't remember what happened. Said it before and il say it again, mumsnet is a weird place.

JacksGirl123 · 18/03/2018 13:12

You can remember drinking about a weeks worth of alcohol units in a short period and know you drank even more after that. You've got massive alcohol anxiety. Try and get some sleep.

PrettyLittIeThing · 18/03/2018 13:14

Exactly whampiece this thread is unbelievable. A&e would be (even more) overrun if every person who got drunk on the weekend and couldn't remember what happened went there.

Backscratchesforever · 18/03/2018 13:14

If you have had sex and are wearing the same underwear, you should be able to tell? Gross... but smells and dampness etc

Before this... are you a big drinker, do you have a low tolerance?

The upset could be from not knowing what happened, and being upset walking around for hours.

I would go to a &e based on the walking around for hours, if you had only had 5-6 drinks

Yarboosucks · 18/03/2018 13:15

OP - have you checked yourself and your clothes out? In the unlikely event that something nasty happened to you, there will be some signs.

Beer Fear is a thing…. Look it up!
www.thestar.com/life/health_wellness/2015/12/28/the-fear-that-comes-with-a-hangover-is-real-and-it-cant-be-soothed-by-a-greasy-breakfast.html

MissMary0fSweden · 18/03/2018 13:18

It's really, really unlikely.

It might help to think about it in the semi science-y way; last night the alcohol level in your blood reached a certain level, either through having an empty stomach, being a bit dehydrated or just drinking quite a bit in a short space of time etc. That means your brain switched off the bit that makes short term memories- a 'blackout'.

It doesn't mean you were passed out, it doesn't mean that you couldn't control what was happening, you may not have appeared anything but a bit wobbly to anyone else- it's just that your brains video camera wasn't recording at that time.

Your anxiety today is because the blackout is terrifying and the alcohol withdrawal is playing havoc with your system. It will pass Flowers

whampiece · 18/03/2018 13:18

I would go to a &e based on the walking around for hours, if you had only had 5-6 drinks

And what would you say to them? Seriously, what basis would you justify this?

Fuck me if every person who got pissed at the weekend and had some patchy memory went to A&E the places would be queued out the the door

This is some of the stupidest advice on MN

Fishcakey · 18/03/2018 13:22

I think maybe some one slipped you something resulting in last night's drunkenness and this mornings paranoia. You would know if you had sex last night! Calm down lovely, you are fine.

TheJoyOfSox · 18/03/2018 13:22

I doubt you have been attacked.
Maybe curb your drinking next time, especially if you walk home alone. Nobody should get so drunk they can’t remember and then walk home alone. I’m not victim blaming, I’m saying you do have responsibility for your own safety.

If your clothes are not torn and your fanny is not wet from spunk or sore you probably got home ok, but you might not be so lucky next time. Book a taxi or walk home with friends, DONT get paralytic and walk home alone! If my daughter got steaming drunk and walked home with no memory of the night I’d be telling her off.

upsideup · 18/03/2018 13:24

Theres no evidence you have been raped, i'm a bit confused why you are still so worried you have been though.
You just got drunk, you luckily managed to get home okay, and now your hungover and anxious.

category12 · 18/03/2018 13:25

If it's the first time you've had a black-out, it's a very scary feeling indeed. But if you're not sore & there are no signs that you had sex last night, it's unlikely anything like that happened. Talk to your friends, eat something, and just ride out the fear. In a couple of days you'll be right. And you'll then need to think about your drinking habits.

Original poster
Sofuckingstupiddespair · 18/03/2018 13:25

Yes I live alone. I remember coming home I'd started to come round by then but don't know why I was walking round in the cold for about two hours alone, or what happened.

OP posts:
MammaAgata · 18/03/2018 13:26

Whampiece says all that is needed to say..

Sounds like a bad case of Beer Fear and hungover paranoia and anxiety etc.. unless there’s a specific reason for you to suspect rape (flashbacks, torn clothing, bruising, soreness, smell, etc etc). Sounds like you either drank waaaay more than was good for you or had your drink spiked.

I think the drink being spiked much more a plausible explanation than randomly being raped. I’m 48 and a fairly (fairly?) sensible fat middle aged woman that likes to go out now and again and drink far too much prosecco with my friends. I went on a skiing holiday last year, I go every year and I know how much drink I can handle. Mine and a friends drinks were definitely spiked..

Yarboosucks · 18/03/2018 13:26

How do you know how long you were walking around for?

Mishappening · 18/03/2018 13:27

You are feeling afraid because you were out of control and that is very uncomfortable and shifts the usual certainties that keep us on an even keel.

It sounds as though you need to find your alcohol limits so that you do not find yourself in this unfortunate position again. Everyone has a different level of alcohol beyond which it ceases to be fun.

Alcohol is a depressant and can cause panic - that is your problem at this moment and will pass. Go and have a nice relaxing shower.

upsideup · 18/03/2018 13:27

If you can remember the fact you were walking around in the cold for two hours, you would remember being raped in that time.

JacksGirl123 · 18/03/2018 13:28

I doubt anyone slipped her anything at all.

She remembers drinking about 15 units or more (depending on strength of the lager and strength and size of glasses of wine) and knows she drank more after that.

That's enough anyway but depending on what she ate that say, how much she usually drinks, her menstrual cycle, any medication and loads of other factors it could have affected her far more.

It's really very usual to drink a lot of alcohol and not remember what you did.

Serialweightwatcher · 18/03/2018 13:28

It does sound like you were drugged - it's strange for you to feel a bit drunk and then totally out of it and wandering about. I think you just feel so anxious because you're scared that you can't remember anything. What is making you think you were raped? Is it just because you can't remember, but you do remember wandering around for a couple of hours, so presumably if you had been raped you'd remember something or being somewhere with someone else

Flutterbyeee · 18/03/2018 13:30

I agree with other posters. It sounds as though you have alcohol induced anxiety. I get this a lot. Put on a box set, eat and relax.

Sarsparella · 18/03/2018 13:30

Sorry you’re feeling like this OP, having too much to drink & not remembering everything is scary but I think it’s unlikely you’ve been attacked, you’re brain is just filling in the blanks with the scariest things

Have you had anything to eat? Try and have something, it’ll make you feel better, and a nice hot sweet drink, tea with sugar even if you don’t usually have sugar :)

Have you spoken to your friends you were with last night?

Firsttimemama2017 · 18/03/2018 13:31

I think if there is no evidence to make you think otherwise then you are probably just extremely anxious and imagining the worst case scenario.

Eat something, get some sleep and give a friend or family member a call. This will make you feel better.