Would I know if I'd been raped? So anxious please help

[Sofuckingstupiddespair]

I got really drunk last night I don't know what happened. I don't really remember leaving my friends just vaguely, they were going home, I got confused and didn't know where I was. Ended up walking around the quiet streets for hours by myself I don't remember all this clearly just bits.

Could I have been raped and not know? I'm lying in bed shaking I'm so scared. I don't know how this happened. One minute I was fine, next really really drunk.

I've lost about £20 I think and don't know how this happened so maybe someone stole it or maybe I just lost it but if someone took it I don't remember and what if I was raped? What if I have a std?

OK so this is more than just that night.

For today, try and keep it together. Put something indulgent on the telly / some music or radio on to keep you company. I like stuff like midsummer / columbo to make me feel kind of cosy.

Try and have a bath or a shower and eat something if you can. Coke is good for hangovers.

Tomorrow ring the GP and try and get an appt to talk about your state of mind you sound a bit depressed. Well done for trying to go out and have a good time, you overdid it. It happens. Do you work? I'm sure you have friends and people like you, you went out with friends last night!

Do you regularly get this pissed? If so then meeting friends in a non drink environment eg lunchtime coffee is safer.

OP, you have had good advice so far and it does sound unlikely that you were raped. I just want to ask one thing, are you covered for contraception? Just in case you would need to think about the morning after pill.

I am so sorry to ask this as it seems you did not have sex and I don’t want to trigger your anxiety any further.

Do you have a familiar texture that you really like the feel of? I really like the feel of silky, smooth textures and when everything gets overwhelming and a panic attack starts, I find something with the right texture and just sit with my eyes shut stroking it for a while, just concentrating on the texture. Really helps ground me when things get bad. Are there similar techniques that you can use for now to calm you?

Same thing happened to my Stepdaughter a few years back at age 16. Was delivered to the doorstep by an unknown male as she unable to stand. She was too ashamed to get a test and I did not want to force her. So 8 years on it remains uncertain what happened. Suggest OP is examined for STD if nothing else.

It's not the same thing. Op didn't get "delivered" to the door by an unknown male.

You sound as if you're in a right old state. On the basis of what you've said, I'd say it's unlikely anything awful happened to you. Why don't you give one of your friends who you were out with last night a call? The chances are you'll find you actually left much later than 11, and we're actually downing shots until 1 we've all been there I think it's unlikely you'd feel this ill on beer and wine. Vodka makes me feel horrendous and have memory blanks if I drink too much of it, especially if I've had wine first (I've learnt through bitter experience not to do this!)

Give your friend a call, I'm sure you'll feel much better once you've had a good chat with someone in real life x

So you got pissed and don't remember how you got home and because of that you think you've been raped? Stop looking for attention. Sounds like shame rather than terror.

I doubt an unknown male would deliver a girl home after raping her.

I think it would have been better for you all to put the step-daughter's mind at rest TBH, not really sure why you all didn't do that.

Everything just feels too much. I want to shower but I'm honestly so scared.

I feel like I will never be safe again and can't stop crying. I have my bereavement counselling starting this week.

You need to see the doc and say you are experiencing anxiety following a bereavement.

Poor mental health can lead to self medication aka alcohol cosh to blot it all out. Been there done that. Doctor meds are much less damaging.

gumby that is horrible. Op clearly anxious an having a hard time.
Op it soinds on balance that nothing happened and you are having really bad hangover anxiety (i get this and its horrible). Can anyone you know come over and bring you some food or anything?

You have post-drinking anxiety; that includes feeling ashamed, confused, lost, bewildered, tearful, sad and ruined.

Order a large pizza, put on a box set and cover yourself with a massive duvet.

Remember: This too shall pass.

I'm terrified out of my mind, I feel like I'm losing it. I'm not really ashamed I don't think, there's no space for shame in my head. Just fear.

Shit stuff does happen. I've been assaulted before while sober, so I could remember. so part of me thinks it could well have happened. And I just want to feel safe and I just want my mum.

It sounds like a come down - could anyone have given you something?

Hope you feel better

I have been drinking water but maybe should try something sugary to see if it would help.

Troll hunting is not allowed on MN gumby if you have suspicions you should contact MNHQ and raise your concerns, and not spew them onto a thread of a woman who may be simply having a difficult time.

Coke is good, full sugar. If you have any.

What don't you believe? Are you just trying to fuck with my head?

I have some Fanta orange.

You're feeling crap because of the alcohol. It is a mood stimulant and really not suitable for anyone who is feeling delicate/depressed/anxious anyway. Please drink a pint of water, go to bed, cry it out until you sleep. This will lift.