To think that no woman enjoys this and to wonder why men think we do?

[AnachronisticCorpse]

I will preface this by saying I love DH very very much and this isn’t some awful deal breaker.

BUT every weekend morning DH wakes me up by grinding his morning glory against my thigh. This morning he’d actually got up really early without waking me but he came back to bed at 8.30 and STILL woke me up with the rhythmic grinding.

And then once I was awake he started talking at me about amps and effects processors (we have an agreement that I didn’t have to engage in these ‘conversations’ beyond saying ‘uh huh’ every once in a while). All through this conversation he was dry humping me.

I told him to stop and he said that a) he hadn’t even realised he was doing it and b) he always thought I liked it.

Basically it’s something I tolerate because he’s otherwise marvellous but the combination of nerd monologue AND slow Jack Russelling was just too much this morning.

But thinking about it, every man I’ve ever woken up with (a not insignificant number) has done this. Whhhhyyyyyyy? What makes them think being randomly poked is in anyway sexy or romantic?

Does ANYONE like it?

It wouldn't be weird if he was interested in sex, but doing that while talking about random crap...very odd.

OP posts jokey thread about DH.

Posters join in for a laugh. Ha, ha, ha general merriment.

"He sounds like a fucking knob, and so do you" is a bizarrely harsh and rude response to a joke.

It was odd. I think he got confused. We were in bed having a cuddle and he had tech on his mind and I think it all got a bit lost in translation really.

@AnachronisticCorpse think yourself lucky. My DP bores me to tears about his day of golf while scratching his balls. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Op my husband had a full conversation with me with his head between my tits this morning. I guess he forgot where he was because I couldn’t make out a thing he was saying.

I've told you, ear buds are the answer.

Oh god, no, golf would be a step too far. Sympathies.

Umbungo that has made my day!

NotUmbongoUnchained did you just pat his head and say "yes dear" 😆

This has never happened to me thank god. It is revolting.

Dry hump thing when I had just woken up would put me in such a bad mood, and is kind of weird and a bit disrespectful, not really considering whether you like it, want him to do it etc.

Why has it take you so long to tell him?? I would have told him where to put it long ago (but I am not known for diplomacy)

Well I guess my marriage is even worse because my husband just makes a fart noise when I bend over

I just make the appropriate noises till he stops talking

IAmLucy mine does this!

I should be so lucky. DH and I get woken up at 5.30 am every day by our 3yo coming in to our room announcing he needs a wee and a poo

My Jack Russell doesn't do this ....

Some people are so uptight I get what you mean OP, it’s funny. My parents used to do it and we’d laugh. No one was traumatised. Life is about fun, I swear half the people on mumsnet wouldn’t know a sense of humour if it but them on the nose sometimes.

Heavy snogging and grinding on each other Infront of your teenage children is really inappropriate

Have I missed a post OP?

Well this is all very interesting

I'm not remotely uptight but I draw the line at dry humping my DH in front of others.

I'm not in the slightest uptight, prudish or lacking a sense of humour but I can't for the life of me imagine dryhumping my husband in front of our teenager

If it’s what I think it’s like then it’s not proper dry humping, just a really over exaggerated snog and bum grab for all of 5 seconds while the teens scream ewwwww muuum daaad and roll their eyes.

You could think the fun, lighthearted version of laughing and bum grabbing or you could imagine we are acting like porn stars over the Aga.

greyponcho Every time I bend over and DH is in the room...

same but mine says "oh is that an invitation"

I’m wondering whether ‘dry hump’ means something else to some of you. I’m literally talking about a grab and bump. There’s really nothing overtly sexual about it

You're right, we're thinking it means what it says in a dictionary:
dry humping is the process of two people repeatedly moving up and down and back and forth on top of each other fully clothed( or missing various pieces,
You've made up a different meaning retrospectively, on being told its inappropriate in front of others.
So..did you mean at the start of the thread that your DH gives you a little kiss, then bumps against you once? It sounded as if you meant the dictionary version, but now you changed your mind .

I’ve requested this get moved to classics. Not only are the fun replies funny, but the pearl clutchers have made it even better.

My DH can not keep hs hands off me if I bend over in front of him I always get a slapped arse. No doubt some mumsnetters would tell me I’m being sexually abused and LTB!