To think that no woman enjoys this and to wonder why men think we do?

[AnachronisticCorpse]

I will preface this by saying I love DH very very much and this isn’t some awful deal breaker.

BUT every weekend morning DH wakes me up by grinding his morning glory against my thigh. This morning he’d actually got up really early without waking me but he came back to bed at 8.30 and STILL woke me up with the rhythmic grinding.

And then once I was awake he started talking at me about amps and effects processors (we have an agreement that I didn’t have to engage in these ‘conversations’ beyond saying ‘uh huh’ every once in a while). All through this conversation he was dry humping me.

I told him to stop and he said that a) he hadn’t even realised he was doing it and b) he always thought I liked it.

Basically it’s something I tolerate because he’s otherwise marvellous but the combination of nerd monologue AND slow Jack Russelling was just too much this morning.

But thinking about it, every man I’ve ever woken up with (a not insignificant number) has done this. Whhhhyyyyyyy? What makes them think being randomly poked is in anyway sexy or romantic?

Does ANYONE like it?

This happens in our house, OP!

Absolutely crying at the ‘jack russelling’ reference. Why does it almost always happen in the kitchen or when I’m standing by the wardrobes?

DH does this!
Told him years ago it does nothing for me. I don’t like it if I’m trying to sleep but if not then he can crack on.

DH has never done that to me!
He does drone on about resistors and amplitudes and other electronics stuff....

He sounds utterly dull, id probably shag him to shut him up.

Every time I bend over and DH is in the room... 😂

My OH does this to me and it drives me mad. He tends to get into bed of an evening and do it after I have already fallen asleep. I don't know why because waking me up for any reason is a cardinal sin. No idea why he thinks it would ever be a turn on. It's usually met by 'fuck off!' at which point he starts moaning about not getting enough sex. Grrrr.

The talking would turn me off too OP, totally agree

DP takes my hand and tries to put it on his crotch if he wakes up with morning glory. He gets told to leave me be if I'm not up for it, but I think he likes to try his luck. However I don't think he has ever tried to dry hump my leg

I like it at night and it normally leads to sex. In the morning? Nope.

Except now I feel like this doesn’t happen in other people’s houses as much as I thought

Yes, never experienced either of the things you describe.

Oh, and also any time I bend over in the house. Usually to empty the dishwasher or do some laundry. Sexy it is not.

This morning I said to him, you can’t possibly think talking about amps while dry humping me is doing anything for me? And he said, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I was humping. And then carried on talking about amps.

He’s a lost cause really. But I do love him.

Stepawayfromgoogle Okay I get waking someone up with it but why does he wait for you to go to sleep first? Bit odd!

Nasty.

Wow. How often does he not realise he’s humping? I’ve got visions of him going at the ATM machine!

slow Jack Russelling Bwahaha!

Today 12:01 SomeKnobend

Jack Russelling!! Well I've learnt something horrifying new today. Put him on a lead. Or get him castrated!

This properly made me laugh

Sorry that just sounds odd. I've been married for 33 years and DH has never done that.

Well he says it’s only me he does it to but who knows really. ATM’s, people in front of him in queues, lampposts. It could be quite an issue.

This has never happened to me in 30 years of having boyfriends/husband.

Well I think we can neatly divide the men of the world into Jack Russellers and Non Jack Russellers. I never knew. I thought this was an ‘all men’ situation.

Yeah this has never happened to me

I guess some women like it, but if you don't then TELL him so.

I wonder if there’s a correlation between Jack Russelling and post shower Helicoptering?

I absolutely detest Jack Russells, because of the barking (which the owner/neighbour does nothing to stop). I have been known to refer to them as Fucking Jack Fucking Russells for that very reason, here on MN.
I did not realise this was such an accurate description until I saw your post, OP.