To think that no woman enjoys this and to wonder why men think we do?

[AnachronisticCorpse]

I will preface this by saying I love DH very very much and this isn’t some awful deal breaker.

BUT every weekend morning DH wakes me up by grinding his morning glory against my thigh. This morning he’d actually got up really early without waking me but he came back to bed at 8.30 and STILL woke me up with the rhythmic grinding.

And then once I was awake he started talking at me about amps and effects processors (we have an agreement that I didn’t have to engage in these ‘conversations’ beyond saying ‘uh huh’ every once in a while). All through this conversation he was dry humping me.

I told him to stop and he said that a) he hadn’t even realised he was doing it and b) he always thought I liked it.

Basically it’s something I tolerate because he’s otherwise marvellous but the combination of nerd monologue AND slow Jack Russelling was just too much this morning.

But thinking about it, every man I’ve ever woken up with (a not insignificant number) has done this. Whhhhyyyyyyy? What makes them think being randomly poked is in anyway sexy or romantic?

Does ANYONE like it?

Some posters on this thread need to lighten up.
The op’s op is clearly more of a whinge rather than a deep cry for help. I read it as akin to them leaving their pants on the floor and not understanding why it drives you nuts. The op’s posts in no way suggest she’s being coerced sexually. As for suggesting she’s being sexually inappropriate in front of her teenagers...

You really think it’s difficult to not get an erection in front of the kids from a quick playful hump? Clearly you have been with some odd men
The whole playful hump with the kids watching is seriously, nastily ODD OP. Your line that its inappropriate to cross is in the wrong place. It should be between a kiss, and anything more in front of your children.

Not between dry humping, and dry humping, AND being visible aroused.

If they were over 18 I could sort of understand that, while a bit odd, they're adults and will have seen worse. But 14 and 15...christ . I hope you are just winding people up to get attention.

some people

Smack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

Don't do this - it can give a distorted view of the press.

So I'm going to happily dry hump my partner next time he reaches for something in the freezer. In a supermarket.

It's all just a bit of fun. We can always throw the tissues into the back of the cereal isle.

Bloody Nora! I doubt very much that the OP and her DH are actually simulating sex in front of their teenagers. Rather a bit of kiss/cuddle/hip jangling.

I doubt very much that the OP and her DH are actually simulating sex in front of their teenagers. Rather a bit of kiss/cuddle/hip jangling

Still though... it’s the “hip jangling”... and the Jack Russelling. It’s just a bit grim. Not a crime, just grim, (imo obviously).

I’m wondering whether ‘dry hump’ means something else to some of you. I’m literally talking about a grab and bump. There’s really nothing overtly sexual about it, it’s very very far from foreplay, it’s not obscene and oh my god why am I still defending this.

Different strokes (fnaaaaar) and all that. I do much worse things to embarrass my kids, like have pink hair and talk to them in front of their friends.

The “kids/cuddle” bit is probably what a lot of people do in front of dcs. It’s the grind part... just a bit ew.

This sounds so bizarre, sorry OP, but visualising it made me laugh
Been with DH 20 years and this has never happened!

Not in a morning but when we go to bed. He gets a prompt f off as he knows it's really winds me up.

Also, it’s not like this is a daily occurrence. Just something we’ve done to make the kids squirm/laugh a few times.

There was something very surreal about the grinding along with the techie talk, I have to say. That might be where I draw the line. One or other I can cope with but not at the same time.

Heavy snogging and grinding on each other Infront of your teenage children is really inappropriate and rather immature behaviour. It doesn't demonstrate how cool and loved up you both are, it just demonstrates you have little idea of what is appropriate. I'm always skeptical of adults who like to indulge in overt PDAs because I always think it's actually empty showmanship.

It’s not heavy snogging and grinding!

Let me lay out the scene for you. I’m in the kitchen, DH comes in from work and gives me a chaste kiss. A teenager will make vomit noises. So we do a completely overstated comedy snog with accompanying humping. For approximately 3 seconds. Teenager will laugh. Joke over.

That's weird as hell. My DH has never once done this to me. 15 yrs married.

I’ve just seen this from Elendon and now I’m convinced that word does not mean what you think it means...

*I’m going to happily dry hump my partner next time he reaches for something in the freezer. In a supermarket.

It's all just a bit of fun. We can always throw the tissues into the back of the cereal isle.*

Ps I have been known to Jack Russell him in the supermarket. For jokes.

Well @Dandellion I could let the kids hear that it is not empty showmanship but that would be inappropriate.

I always find it odd that people think other people's behaviour is directed at them. We hug and kiss and indulge in a bit of sly grinding because we like it. If you choose not to it doesn't make me think " oh they have a crap sex life" I don't think anything because that is your business and I'm not interested.

And the OP is right my dcs hate it way more when I talk to their friends, they can manage a bit of snogging.

OP this is just yet another of a very long history of posts where you mention your inappropriate behaviour that makes actual grown ups grimace and your immaturity. Then you get all huffy and tell all the grown ups that they're all humourless killjoys who don't understand how special you are.

Um, what?

Oh Dandellion tell me off some more. Ohh "inappropriate behaviour". I love it when you get all strict and disapproving.

I have just read your last post and if you genuinely don't see that simulating sex infront of your 15 year old, even just for a few seconds, is really inappropriate then there's really no hope for you.

Please tell me about my long history and specialness. I’m agog.

It's hardly stimulating sex tho is it? I doubt hes bending her over the table trying to stick it in while she's cooking his chips