To think that no woman enjoys this and to wonder why men think we do?

[AnachronisticCorpse]

I will preface this by saying I love DH very very much and this isn’t some awful deal breaker.

BUT every weekend morning DH wakes me up by grinding his morning glory against my thigh. This morning he’d actually got up really early without waking me but he came back to bed at 8.30 and STILL woke me up with the rhythmic grinding.

And then once I was awake he started talking at me about amps and effects processors (we have an agreement that I didn’t have to engage in these ‘conversations’ beyond saying ‘uh huh’ every once in a while). All through this conversation he was dry humping me.

I told him to stop and he said that a) he hadn’t even realised he was doing it and b) he always thought I liked it.

Basically it’s something I tolerate because he’s otherwise marvellous but the combination of nerd monologue AND slow Jack Russelling was just too much this morning.

But thinking about it, every man I’ve ever woken up with (a not insignificant number) has done this. Whhhhyyyyyyy? What makes them think being randomly poked is in anyway sexy or romantic?

Does ANYONE like it?

Thankfully no to the hands down trousers. I think I’d draw the line at that. He does sometimes adjust himself while I’m sitting next to him, which is bad enough.

I suppose when your genitalia is on the outside it’s hard to leave them alone. All hail the mighty penis etc.

Tbf it was 8.30 in the morning and all the kids were up so it was about time I hauled my arse out of bed. And he’d been up working since stupid o clock. And he did bring me coffee. So I suppose a little dry humping was a fair trade off.

IMO there’s a big difference between a bloke who is feeling very up for it trying to get you in the mood too and someone who doesn’t even realise they’re doing it. One I’m all for, the other needs to stop it - as someone else put it so well ‘I’m not a cat scratching post’

Sleepy sex hmmmmmmmm

I would like that but would put in earphones to stop the noise.

Smack him on nose with rolled up newspaper! Ba ha ha ha ha!

I once dumped a guy I had had a few dates with for dry humping me in public when I bent down to say Hello to a Jack Russell, does that count?

I put it down to them loving their penises SO MUCH that they can't work out why we don't find them as fabulous as they do.

See also: dick pics.

My partner does this to me every bloody morning

i don't mind being woken up sexually, but Dh doesn't do it. That said it's only ever been done to me with prior consent and if you say you don't like it he should leave it be!

As for dry humping mid conversation... I think I would walk away quickly and not be around them unsupervised while I separated my affairs from theirs. That would genuinely distress me and upset me. I would see it like "I don't care about your opinion or what you're saying, I'm just going to fuck you whether you like it or not". I'm not a particularly prickly person nor freaked out easily but that would be my reaction. I can respect others feel differently though (and I'm not about to suggest you LTB!) please do tell him to stop though, If you don't like it

In 30-odd years of dating and LTRs I've only had one partner who did this. He was a champion sulker so I would usually just lie there and pretend to enjoy it (failure to show the correct amount of enthusiasm would also bring on a petulant sulk.)

That's not to say other partners haven't done the old "morning cuddle with their erection obvious" routine, but actual dry humping, no. Very undignified.

I thought only randy dogs did this? Sounds horrible.

No man has ever done this to me! Ever! (the dry humping thing - I have had the boring conversation thing).

I don't believe he didn't know he was doing it. He's lying to you.

Ask him who else he rubs his erection against without noticing.

I do believe it was an absent minded grind. We were in bed and cuddling while he whispered sweet nothings about whether he should go for the XR201 over the XR200 (or whatever).

I like this.. obviously not if someone was being forceful but my sex drive is highest in the morning so this wouldn’t be a problem for me (unless I was hungry and in the mood for breakfast first haha).

It didn’t lead to sex though. House full of teenagers (not all ours) so it was never on the cards. God loves a trier, though.

I had an ex that helicoptered as well as swung it side to side slapping his thighs very vigorously. He thought he was a Chippendale. Sexy it wasn't!
Dry humping? Depends on my mood tbh; sometimes you just want to slap that thing away from you

That would be a massive turn off for me. Yuck.

Tbh there is no way that waking me when I'm sleeping will ever lead to sex.

It also has a bit of a sense that his needs are more important than yours which I also wouldn't like.

Oh God this thread has nearly made me cry! Thank you for brightening my day OP!

I wonder if there’s a correlation between Jack Russelling and post shower Helicoptering
I think there is! DP is in this camp, he's a daft bastard.

combination of nerd monologue AND slow Jack Russelling

Sorry Op but I had to laugh at this! Can’t help you though as I’ve never been awoken by Jack Russelling - doesn’t sound at all appealing or sexy!

But in all seriousness, he does need to respect when you want it and when you don't.

Been married 27 years. This has never happened to me.

I have only been dry humped by DH ONCE in all of our time together and it was at 6:30am ish and he was asleep. I poked him, he sleepily apologised and turned over and tbh I was rather surreal...

This is odd I would not tolerate this

I have encountered both the morning glory hump and the jack Russelling but they have always been in my youth with much younger (immature) boys rather than the men in my life. (I’m mid 50s now and on my second husband)

It annoyed me rather than making me feel ‘in the mood’ which is what I think the bloke is hoping for.

It’s not a nice way to be woken up. You may need to let him know if it’s bothering you, I’m sure he doesn’t want to upset his wife.