To think that no woman enjoys this and to wonder why men think we do?

[AnachronisticCorpse]

I will preface this by saying I love DH very very much and this isn’t some awful deal breaker.

BUT every weekend morning DH wakes me up by grinding his morning glory against my thigh. This morning he’d actually got up really early without waking me but he came back to bed at 8.30 and STILL woke me up with the rhythmic grinding.

And then once I was awake he started talking at me about amps and effects processors (we have an agreement that I didn’t have to engage in these ‘conversations’ beyond saying ‘uh huh’ every once in a while). All through this conversation he was dry humping me.

I told him to stop and he said that a) he hadn’t even realised he was doing it and b) he always thought I liked it.

Basically it’s something I tolerate because he’s otherwise marvellous but the combination of nerd monologue AND slow Jack Russelling was just too much this morning.

But thinking about it, every man I’ve ever woken up with (a not insignificant number) has done this. Whhhhyyyyyyy? What makes them think being randomly poked is in anyway sexy or romantic?

Does ANYONE like it?

Slow Jack Russelling! Heh heh heh.

DH does similar things. It's very annoying and never leads to sex. Empathy with you, OP.

helicoptering well, if you’ve got it, shake it 😂😂

I don’t think it’s odd behaviour. He’s just hoping to start the day with a quick shag. Just tell him you will kill him painfully if he doesn’t stop. Works wonders with my DH.

I wonder if there’s a correlation between Jack Russelling and post shower Helicoptering

There is plenty of 1 and none of the other in our house

Ooooh I love humping/climbing/generally annoying my husband,

What is "helicoptering"?

My ex used to do this. He is a rapist. It was his own special way of telling me what he was about to do.

I am NOT saying your husband is in anyway comparable to that btw OP, no way. Just that in my (limited) experience only he did this. My current partner wakes me up by kissing or cuddling into me if he wakes me up at all.

Me and my partner both do this to eachother, i find it really comfortable XD although it does 70% of the time lead to sex.

Just when were spooning.. its nice

Not all men do it...my DP didn't used to. Until I told him that I actually really like it. He does indulge me sometimes now. I just enjoy sexual interactions at non-sexy times

He also has been known to talk about massively un-sexy things during sexy time. It is really annoying, but in a sexy way.

I liked it and miss it now. Made me feel sexy when I'm in that sleepy morning state. Often led to sex.

Helicoptering (or sometimes Windmilling) is when the fine specimen of a fella waves his naked penis around in a circle, or a poor approximation of a circle.

Guaranteed to make my vaginal walls clamp shut and dry out like ten Sahara. But still, he persists.

My last long term relationship was a few years ago when I was in my early twenties - my boyfriend was guilty of both Jack Russelling and helicoptering AND IT DROVE ME MAD.

I had naively hoped that whenever it is I find a new partner, he would now be older and more mature and therefore would not engage in those behaviours. I now suspect this was a very optimistic hope.

Snuffkin im so sorry, that is truly awful.

Smack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

Sorry Tiny, DH is mid forties...

I have to admit to my husband doing this occasionally, but he's never spoken about unrelated things at the same time.

And only if hes sure that I'm already awake when he does ( he knows I'm awake cos I'm not snoring 😶 )

There is definitely a correlation between the 2! Unfortunately I own one, too the phrase fuck off is my most used or if he’s driving me insane or I am pmt’ing a light tap on the balls usually corrects it!

DH does this to my bum most mornings, sometimes I'm up for it and sometimes I'm not, as DH never knows which it is he always has a 'go'.
He doesn't indulge in the dull conversation at the same time though, he just waits to see if I lie still or grind back. Sometimes he offers a brew as an incentive.
I can be quite irrationally grumpy in the mornings so he obviously like living on the edge.

@thenightsky and @category12

I hate this. I am not a female dog, dry humping and waking me up because HE wants sex would result in separate rooms. Don’t you find it repulsive?

Mine does it, I think this is how my first dc was conceived. Can't say I mind it 😬

In the kitchen when you walk past??? Not even Jack Russell's are that desperate.

So he says he doesn't realise he's doing it, is he one of those types who's always got his hands down his joggers, 'comforting himself'?

I like being woken up ‘nicely’ occasionally...middle of the night, morning, whatever...I like a bit of sleepy sex.

Anyone waking me to talk about amps would be very sorry, it would happen once. Thoughtlessly dry humping me at the same time? He’d be lucky to make it out alive.

I don’t mind the occasional suggestive ‘bang from behind’ but if it happened a lot I’d tell him to grow the fuck up. I’m not at my horniest while loading the dishwasher or picking up toys etc

Why did he wake you up anyway? Sleep is precious!

Oh no, I think I'm guilty of Jack russelling my poor dh!! Always in the kitchen as well! He claims he doesn't mind but perhaps he's scared to tell the truth?