"We got here safely" (MIL vent)

[planetsweet]

That is the text I have just received from my MIL. Last week I got "SIL's doing that thing today" and a while ago I got "I managed to get it". I have no idea what any of these texts mean. I have a very good memory, MIL has not told me or DH anything about going out today or SIL's "thing" or "it".

This is a habit that she has, equivalent to one of those posts on Facebook where the child posts "There just no point anymore" and everyone is supposed to rush and ask for information. I think MIL does it for drama, expecting us to beg for information which I have done for years. DH ignores her which is why she texts me. I'm not doing it anymore.

This morning I just texted back "Great, have a good time" and now there is silence. I know she knows that I don't know what she's talking about but what can she do about it?

Have I BU?

My experience of this kind of shite is not that the person thinks you know what they are talking about. They know damn well that they are throwing in a random sentence designed to provoke a bewildered response. As Alpaca so rightly explained, MIL is throwing in Clabbys.

These can be particularly toxic when you feel like a bitch if you don't respond. "Don't worry, I am OK now" "You're not to worry, we are on our way" "BIL got his results" Honestly OP you have to either ignore, or respond with variants of OK, smiley face, or alright then.

Bloody infuriating.

If she's said "We're going to X to day to do/see Y" that would be a sensible way to start a conversation.

Everytime I would text back "Who is this?"

My grandma does this! It is annoying but i tell myself it’s just because she’s lonely and wants to chat.

Marco Years ago I asked DH if he thought his mother had a memory problem and I said that exact thing, that it was as if she started the conversation in her head. But she can be lucid when she wants, when she is in a temper for instance she spells things out out no problem!

Vent away. It sounds exasperating and understand why you have run out of patience with it. I always had a somewhat awkward relationship with my father-in-law. He was forever telling me about things that have happened to people I have never heard of or met, which I'm sure he then wanted me to ask details about the person and how he knew them but would universally end up with a "that's nice/sad" response and back to the conversation we were in the middle of when he interrupted. Very tedious and overly needy. I would point out that we would see him virtually every weekend and husband would speak with him most days so he wasn't neglected at all. It used to really piss me off that he couldn't grasp the don't call after 9pm at night and don't call DH at work unless it's an emergency. I managed successfully to withhold my mobile number for years, all communication via my husband thankfully as he had much more patience for it. Arghhh. Ahhh a nice vent is good for the soul.

DH ignores her texts, and you think you are following his lead by This morning I just texted back "Great,...

Can you see the difference between what worked for DH and what you are trying, when you want the same result? If you don't reply, then you can always look puzzled if she asked you why you didn't respond and claim not to remember her questions. She would then have to repeat the question, there would be no context and the conversation would grind to a halt. Simples.

Honestly, if your relationship with your DH is good, and he is happy to not reply, why would you continue to reply? Unless there is a drip feed here that MiL provides childcare eight days a week or something massive like that, then just leave it. I see no sign that she wants to hear from you specifically and will, as with your DH, sooner or later find someone else to dance to her tune.

My mother used to do the same. Partly attention seeking in an indirect way - "girls" weren't allowed to express serious opinions or debate so this was her way. Partly because she forgot what she'd said to whom.

My son does it because he is a poor conversationalist and wants to hold my interest - he knows he can't do it easily.

My friend does it because she thinks at a million miles a minute, lives in three time zones, (or on a jumbo jet), and really does forget what she's told me and what she hasn't.

Attention is necessary for us all. It is easy to forget that boring, dull or slightly unattractive people need it too. If we are good at relationships, young, bright - it just comes to us if we want it. When we are all 80 and a bit deaf and a bit slow we may find it is a very real need.

That was not anything to do with your MIL by the way OP - just a reflection of my own.

Its not about feeling unloved ,its about control.
I have sat quietly listening to hour long monologues without saying a word .
No answer is required or wanted.
If I so much ask who Bill is,I get explosive rage and sneering (I have no idea who he is)
Its PA and controlling to text in this way and a response but one that doesnt provoke a response iyswim is the best way to go.

No drip feed finally, no child care or anything.

I'd either ignore the message or give her 👍

Hope she wasn’t on the way to a funeral!

I'd ignore it, wouldn't even entertain her to text back.

If she asks (in person) why you didn't reply, just say you thought she's text the wrong person / text you by mistake.

You keep replying (to be fair, good replies) but it's still a reply which is the attention she craves any attention is good attention

Only way to stop it is to follow in DH's footsteps and ignore.

no child care or anything.

And now I really am interested in why you are replying. 😃. DH doesn't, why do you?

Maybe your family dynamic is very different. I'd encourage you to follow your DH's lead on how to treat his mother.

My dsis has become increasingly like this, We will be having a conversation and bang in the middle she starts talking about something else but in mid conversation.Its like shes started another conversation in her head and got vocal halfway through.
My lovely Cousin is around the same age so they sit and talk like this together,,,it drives me mad..

Try "Thanks for letting us know. It works in every situation.

OP you're missing a trick here
The answer to "we got here safely" is "great, I can see the money's arrived in your account, so in addition to the Krug, could you get me some chateaubriand and caviar, I forgot to put those on the list but I expect you've remembered anyway. Thanks! Can't wait for you to drop it off".

Finally I was just being polite. Plus she would text and ring (saying is there something wrong) until I answered anyway!

I haven’t heard another thing today, that’s unusual, so maybe my not responding with an enquiry has worked.

just being polite

I really think the laws of politeness can be used by the unscrupulous, to prey on the kind. Glad to hear that you are finally [sic] being left alone.

SpringNowPlease2018

The temptation is strong.

"We got here safely"
Right, don't forget the security cameras are on the left of the gate. Keep the car running. They'll meet you out the back.

"SIL is doing that thing today"
Tell her she'll get bigger tips if she takes her bra off.

"I managed to get it"
WOW! I'll try and get rid of DH and we can try it out! Can't wait!

OP brilliant!

Please do this and report back!

Hahahaha! Love this solution.

Do you know what, when some of you get older I really hope you have kinder people in your lives than you are now. What a really depressingly mean spirited thread.

You could have fun winding her up.

'We're here' respond 'Me too'
'Sil is doing that thing' respond 'the same thing you do?'

'That's nice'