"We got here safely" (MIL vent)

[planetsweet]

That is the text I have just received from my MIL. Last week I got "SIL's doing that thing today" and a while ago I got "I managed to get it". I have no idea what any of these texts mean. I have a very good memory, MIL has not told me or DH anything about going out today or SIL's "thing" or "it".

This is a habit that she has, equivalent to one of those posts on Facebook where the child posts "There just no point anymore" and everyone is supposed to rush and ask for information. I think MIL does it for drama, expecting us to beg for information which I have done for years. DH ignores her which is why she texts me. I'm not doing it anymore.

This morning I just texted back "Great, have a good time" and now there is silence. I know she knows that I don't know what she's talking about but what can she do about it?

Have I BU?

just send "K" every time. Should annoy the hell out of her..
And on that note, if MN doesn't remove those fucking dancing rabbits I may have to have a tantrum!

This is what the following emoji is for;

👍

Funny how “attention seeking behaviour” is considered such a terrible thing. Obviously it can be, but surely we all need attention sometimes?

It is when it's all about game playing and not just using your words.

MIL could just pick up the phone and say she was calliing to say 'hi'. Or text, asking what time's a good time to call as she hasn't talked to you two in a while.

But no, she's playing games. And game players are tiring and tedious. No different to game playing on the dating scene ... you just don't want anything to do with them after a while!

I hate people who do this. Be an adult, and say what is going on, or dont say anything at all.

I’d just send a smiley emoji in response to we got here safely. No words at all!

Totally agree Beware
Step out of the game -they are
Huge backstory here though
In the Ops case acknowledge with ok or thumbs up

I had a flat mate who did this. It’s like she wants to have a conversation but wants you to start it. She’d come in from work and say some random shit like “sheesh! Buses today” or “whooo! Some people” so that you have to get her to elaborate & then she would tell you the story.

It got to the point where I refused to play anymore. She would ramp up the sheeshes and whooos and eventually slope off. Why not just tell the fucking story if you want to tell the fucking story

I’ve just realised it still pisses me off

I wouldn’t respond at all. I really can’t understand why your mil has your mobile number.

Really? If your son was married, you wouldn't want to swap numbers with his wife?

MIL does something similar but it's

'Oooh that Tracy is a cow isn't she? What she did to him. I'll never forgive her.'

'Who?'

'That Tracy. Wears the white coat. Used to be married to Steve'.

'No, sorry. Don't know her.'

'You DO!!! In Corrie!!'

Penny drops. We don't watch soaps.

I'm glad other people know what I mean. Sorry some of you have it also.

Your response was perfect :)

I can see where some folk are coming from with the 'what's the harm' - but OP has had years of this and understands, it seems, that there's a degree of emotional manipulation going on. In which case, it's very sensible - and good for MIL too, as it presumably prevents OP getting overly annoyed with her, which would be worse - for OP to do some polite damage limiation - just removing herself a little bit, still replying but firmly giving the message that she's not up for being toyed with too much. That she's just a teensy bit distracted because she has other things to focus on apart from MIL.

This of course leaves all doors perfectly open for whenever MIL decides she can have an adult conversation, or ask for advice/help/a chat in a normal, non-drama llama way.

I would be tempted to respond to each and every text like this with a 'Me too!' just to mess with her head.

My dad does this, it really is just a way to make the conversation completely about him. He doesn’t even listen to conversations properly and will shoehorn in a random ‘I’ll tell you... ‘ and then go off on a random monologue for hours. It’s so tedious.

Yep totally missed the sarcasm, sorry!

I'd reply with. Sorry I think you've text the wrong person but I'm sure you'll have a great time.

That’s it FizzyGreen. I don’t want to fall out with her, it’s irritating, not evil. I just can’t stand it anymore. If she texted “We’ve come into town today” I’d text back and tell her have a nice time or maybe even ask if she was shopping or something, but the continual, well, its like secrecy, it’s just really tiring. And I don’t think it’s normal!

My mum does this, she’ll say “well of course you know about Margaret” or “you know after what the doctor said...” so I have to say no, what? So I started just not replying so as to avoid the whole rigmarole or just giving a slight noise (not possible by text).
Now though I generally do know what she’s on about as she’s told me so many times already...

I used to travel to work with a colleague who would get in the car and say things like "that was a good goal last night wasn't it". It was very confusing until I realised he would start the conversation in his head and then carry it on with other people.
It was even harder for other colleagues as we are not in the UK and he has a broad Geordie accent.

Shamelessly stolen from Douglas Adams and his amazing work 'The meaning of Liff'...

CLABBY (adj.)

 A 'clabby' conversation is one  stuck up by a commissionare or cleaning

lady in order to avoid any futher actual work. The opening gambit is usually
designed to provoke the maximum confusion, and therefore the longest
possible clabby conversation. It is vitaly important to learn the correct,
or 'clixby' (q.v.), responses to a clabby gambit, and not to get trapped by
a 'ditherington' (q.v.). For instance, if confronted with a clabby gambit
such as 'Oh, mr Smith, I didn't know you'd had your leg off', the
ditherington response is 'I haven't....' whereas the clixby is 'good.'

Alpaca I adore that book. I have to keep buying it to replace ones that I’ve lent.

Sounds totally attention seeing - which yes, is bad, when it means needing all the attention, interrupting, not taking turns and sharing nicely.

The 'conversation in own head' and 'assuming everyone knows everyone's business' variants are real but, my inference is, not in this case.

I think though, that your DH needs to be having regular, meaningful, conversations with her. Maybe calling her once a week, or fortnightly, to ask after her news and impart yours.

If she feels left out and ignored, she may have resorted to this nonsense in desperation.

If she'd do it anyway, it removes her excuse and give you carte blanche to 'thumbs up' back or just ignore. You're not obliged to have your phone on you at all times.

Agree Lottie, it sounds like she feels that people aren't taking interest in her or asking how she is etc and this is her passive aggressive way of letting you know she's fed up with nobody looking out for her.

Does DH take care of her?

My dad does this sometimes. He wants to be asked what he's talking about.

If I need to reply to a letter at work that doesn't really merit a reply (happens quite a bit) it is usually:

I refer to your letter of 18th, your comments have been noted, regards,

Could you work a reply along those lines?