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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"We got here safely" (MIL vent)

339 replies

planetsweet · 18/03/2018 09:00

That is the text I have just received from my MIL. Last week I got "SIL's doing that thing today" and a while ago I got "I managed to get it". I have no idea what any of these texts mean. I have a very good memory, MIL has not told me or DH anything about going out today or SIL's "thing" or "it".

This is a habit that she has, equivalent to one of those posts on Facebook where the child posts "There just no point anymore" and everyone is supposed to rush and ask for information. I think MIL does it for drama, expecting us to beg for information which I have done for years. DH ignores her which is why she texts me. I'm not doing it anymore.

This morning I just texted back "Great, have a good time" and now there is silence. I know she knows that I don't know what she's talking about but what can she do about it?

Have I BU?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 11:03

It's hardly awful what's she's doing OP. You and your DH sound as bad as each other. You'll be an old lady one day so think on.

whiskyowl · 19/03/2018 11:04

FFS, could you be any more offensively ageist greatduck? There are plenty of older women who have dignity and would be ashamed to behave in this ridiculous and childlike way.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:05

And one thing this thread has taught me is that people KNOW that they do it (re BitOutOfPractice's "My mom would be heart broken to read anyone saying stuff like this about her (sometimes inane) texts. So would I be.") and they STILL expect people to pander to them because according to them, they are the victim.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 11:06

Ageist? What when were are talking about an elderly lady?? FFS indeed.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:06

Why do people think my MIL is old? Why are they being ageist about this behaviour?

OP posts:
Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:07

GreatDuckCookery How old is my MIL please?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 11:08

How old is she? Stop looking for excuses to why you're behaving like a heartless human being OP.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:10

According to you Duck she's "elderly". You have decided!

Stop looking for excuses to why you're behaving like an ageist person.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 19/03/2018 11:11

“Stop looking for excuses to why you're behaving like an ageist person.”

Oh don’t be silly!

whiskyowl · 19/03/2018 11:11

Sigh. Let me spell it out. First of all, 'elderly' is not the preferred term these days - it's 'older people'.

Secondly, it's ageist to assume that this annoying behaviour is occurring because this woman is old. As many people have stated on the thread, it's something that children do, as well as young people, middle aged people. In other words, it is not age-specific. Therefore the age of the OP's MIL has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact she behaves this way. Furthermore, we know from the OP's posts that she has done this as a habit for a very long time, which does not suggest some kind of temporal decline.

Thirdly, you don't even know how old she is! OP has never mentioned it. I have friends who were grandmothers in their 30s; I think they would laugh raucously at the idea that behaviour like this was due to old age! She might be 90, she could equally well be a sprightly 60, or a positively youthful 45.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 11:13

Years ago I asked DH if he thought his mother had a memory problem

that little comment from years ago indicates that your MIL could be older in years, yes.

And stop trying to squirm out of your behaviour by calling me ageist.

How old is your MIL?

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:15

GreatDuckCookery Or perhaps if you had read my "little comment" in post 102 where I say that she is "not old" you would not have made such a fool of yourself.

OP posts:
MrsPreston11 · 19/03/2018 11:17

Stuff like this drives me MAD.

It's the same as people on facebook putting "so sick of this shit" then nothing else so they get all the "U OK Hun" treatment.

Maybe I'm a cow, but I will never ever reply or ask about shit like that, pure attention seeking.

Also have a friend who will pick up her phone then laugh obnoxiously loud or "OH MY GOD" to messages she's "received" then looks about hoping someone will ask what....

I will never bring myself to ask!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 11:17

Nice deflection there OP. You still haven't old us how old she is?

And why if she's not old were you worried about her having memory issues years ago?

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:19

And I'm still waiting for YOU to tell us all how old my elderly MIL is duck. If I told you, that would be cheating. You are the one who decided she was "old".

OP posts:
whiskyowl · 19/03/2018 11:20

Greatduck - Memory problems are not limited to older age, though. In fact, they are increasingly being reported by younger people, perhaps as a result of lifestyle issues (stress/lack of sleep). Alcohol abuse can also be a factor (Korsakoff), as can vascular conditions, epilepsy, head injury etc. Even dementia isn't exclusively an older person's pathology. My aunt is sadly in the final stages of early onset dementia, which started in her mid 50s.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/03/2018 11:20

My mom just happens to actually be the complete opposite of your MiL. She is probably the kindest, most supportive and self effacing people I know. But like all of us she sometimes sends a dull text (weather update, what she's having for tea etc) and I just tend to chat back with my inane day to day stuff. That's how the dynamic works for us. I wouldn't dream of thinking she's trying to manipulate me. Or being passive aggressive. Sometimes she tells me things she's already told me. Or stuff that I'm not sure what she's on about. I don't immediately think she's begging for attention. I just think I've forgotten. Or she's told someone else and thought she'd told me and I say "what's that again mom?"

I dunno. I think you are making your MIL out to be horrible. She doesn't sound it to me. And I don't think it's much skin off your nose to answer the occasional annoying text kindly.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 11:22

Strange why you didn't mention her age in the first part of your thread and then went on to drop in the fact she wasn't old. I doubt you'd tell the truth of her age now anyway.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/03/2018 11:22

You see, your answers here are getting really snippy and snider too. I wonder if that's how you respond to your MiL.

As I say, you seem sure you're in the right so I'd carry on with your ignoring tactic and see how that works.

RestingBitchFaced · 19/03/2018 11:23

Just send this back, will definitely annoy her!

K

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 11:24

Whisky in that case how unkind is the OP to treat her MIL the way she does then?

BitOutOfPractice · 19/03/2018 11:25

Sorry about my appalling grammar. I am sleep deprived

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 11:27

BitOutOfPractice I think you have missed the point of the thread. If MIL sent weather updates or what she is having for tea, that would be normal conversation. The type of thing that MIL would do in those cases is text "It's awful isn't it?" without referring to weather and "We're having it for tea again" without saying what.

GreatDuck You have realised your mistake and therefore accused me of going to lie in the future. Classic! Grin

OP posts:
whiskyowl · 19/03/2018 11:28

BitOut - this is NOT about sending a dull text, or repeating yourself unwittingly, or failing to communicate clearly, though, is it?

Deliberately and repetitively not communicating things to elicit a response is totally different from that thing we all do where we write something so badly that it is opaque, or we assume someone else knows a the piece of information that they don't actually have. It's just... totally different. A situation where every single interaction you have with someone involves wheedling information out of them by the most circuitous route because they are deliberately withholding it for no good reason is exhausting.

whiskyowl · 19/03/2018 11:29

Greaduck - But the OP said clearly there is NO memory issue. This is deliberate behaviour. You're basically clutching at any straw you can here, but you're drowning in your own illogicality.