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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"We got here safely" (MIL vent)

339 replies

planetsweet · 18/03/2018 09:00

That is the text I have just received from my MIL. Last week I got "SIL's doing that thing today" and a while ago I got "I managed to get it". I have no idea what any of these texts mean. I have a very good memory, MIL has not told me or DH anything about going out today or SIL's "thing" or "it".

This is a habit that she has, equivalent to one of those posts on Facebook where the child posts "There just no point anymore" and everyone is supposed to rush and ask for information. I think MIL does it for drama, expecting us to beg for information which I have done for years. DH ignores her which is why she texts me. I'm not doing it anymore.

This morning I just texted back "Great, have a good time" and now there is silence. I know she knows that I don't know what she's talking about but what can she do about it?

Have I BU?

OP posts:
PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 20/03/2018 10:04

tights, trousers or tits Easter GrinEaster GrinEaster Grin

Original poster
planetsweet · 20/03/2018 10:50

GreatDuckCookery

"Socking"? How old are you?!

Gosh you've got in in for me haven't you! I predict a few more days of you popping back to have a go. But I shall save you the time, you said I would lie if I answered your ageist question, so I am not going to answer it. :)

RTFT

OP posts:
Original poster
planetsweet · 20/03/2018 10:55

Still haven't had another text. This is unheard of in the history of MIL texts. I can't believe that my one reply that didn't ask who, why, when, where, what and how has stopped them coming. I am relieved though.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 20/03/2018 12:31

ALL part of the game - she's waiting to see if the suspense isn't killing you and you'll ask her what she's on about

CisPinkHoodie · 20/03/2018 16:03

Ah I see. You are leaving out possibly crucial information as a parody of what your MIL does... Very clever.

oursofas · 20/03/2018 16:39

Wow. Some people are really getting their knickers in a twist with you, OP!

For what it's worth, this would drive me crackers. I bet your MIL will start again with the cryptic texts soon, even if you haven't heard anything since your last text Grin

smurfit · 21/03/2018 03:38

I had a lodger who would continually say things like this. He'd be referring to something from a conversation earlier in the day or on the tv that I wasn't paying attention to. I just usually just stared in utter confusion until he explained. It was mind boggling how he somehow expected me to know what he was talking about with zero context.

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 21/03/2018 04:57

It’s the same as someone putting on Facebook “life is shit” or “I am so upset” or “I can’t believe what has just happened” etc etc. It’s so people will go “oh whats up Hun?” Or “you are strong and can get through anything, what’s up” And then the poster will reply “I will pm you” Angry

BouleBaker · 21/03/2018 06:38

It’s hilarious how upset some people are getting with you planetsweet. Anyway, my husband does this and it is utterly fucking frustrating. If he does it now I just bellow “SUBJECT” at him. He then starts the conversation again properly. Might be worth trying?

Original poster
planetsweet · 21/03/2018 07:04

I think they are getting upset for two reasons. Firstly, the obvious explanation you think of when people get irrationally angry about something on Mumsnet, that they must do that action themselves and are embarrassed.

Secondly, there is a fraction of posters who defend MILs at any cost. I used to think it was because they had nice MILs and were too parochial to realise that others didn’t, but reading some of the threads on here, no one can be that limited in their view to orhers’ experiences surely? So I now think it is a type of poster who looks for an opportunity, under the guise of “I’m compassionate and you’re nasty” to turn the tide against anyone who is having a vent against a MIL. But of course they are not compassionate because they always blame the victim.

I think it’s a sport.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 21/03/2018 07:15

Blimey. That's a massive lot of projecting / cod psychology there op. All of it wide of the mark

In my case it's quite simply that I disagree with you. I'm sure you know that on AIBU, that is allowed. Even if you don't like it.

Original poster
planetsweet · 21/03/2018 07:18

boule “Subject”, I like it!

OP posts:
Dobby1sAFreeElf · 21/03/2018 07:21

Have you ever considered doing it back to her?

I knew I'd forget it
forget what?

Peanutbuttercups21 · 21/03/2018 07:23

It is a sport, Planet

It is an attention thing, ironically Grin

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/03/2018 07:32

You're wrong on both counts where I'm concerned OP.

Firstly I don't do anything like that. As I've already explained I don't text that much but when I do it's for specifics not frippery.

Secondly some MIL threads I agree with the OP and some MIL threads I don't agree with the OP, on this occasion it's the latter.

Which is ok because you asked whether YWBU.

Obviously you're one of these posters that think MILs are always wrong 🤷‍♀️

Chienrouge · 21/03/2018 07:43

It could just be that in this case, OP, people think you’re being U. Which was the question, after all.
I slightly err on the YABU side because my grandmother does this and I know it’s just because she wants a conversation but has poor social skills (and is 85). Its bloody annoying but as I love her and care for her, I indulge it.

BertrandRussell · 21/03/2018 08:01

Wrong about me too, OP. I don't do this- I put too much information into my texts rather than too little! And I only post on mil threads where I think the mil might be being treated unfairly. There are plenty where they aren't- no need for my contribution on those! But I do think that kindness should be our default position. And unless the mil in this post does this several times a day then kindness is the obvious response.

Original poster
planetsweet · 21/03/2018 08:02

This is true Chien. But why come back and back and back to say the same thing. They think I am unreasonable, er, that’s it. The name calling and straw grasping diminishes any argument.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/03/2018 08:14

I haven't name called you. I think you didn't like being called out where your MILs age was concerned though. You skirted around the answer and even now still haven't told us.

That's because I think she is old. 8 years ago you asked your H whether he thought she has memory issues. This isn't something you would ask about in someone young.

And you asked in AIBU OP. You're obviously one of those posters who only want to be told that you're NBU and throw a strop if anyone dares disagrees with you

Lizzie48 · 21/03/2018 08:21

People are coming back at you because of your insinuations that they must do it themselves. That's a big leap and quite uncalled for. Those posters agree that your MIL is annoying, as I do, but feel that you're being overly unkind about her. She's looking after DGCs from what you're saying so she sounds quite kind in a lot of ways.

Just continue ignoring the texts and she will stop doing it, as you're discovering.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/03/2018 08:49

There has been absolutely no name calling at all that I have seen OP. I'm happy for you to point out where I've missed it though Hmm

And you have hardly been slow in casting aspertions (is that how you spell that? It looks wrong!) on people who disagree with you have you?

BitOutOfPractice · 21/03/2018 08:51

And by the way, have you NC for this thread (which tbh would be perfectly understandable) or are you new to MN?

Original poster
planetsweet · 21/03/2018 08:58

Still no texts. I am surprised, I think this is the longest time ever! I await this afternoon with interest (her afternoon off) and I usually get a few then.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 21/03/2018 09:05

Oh sorry I forgot you're ignoring me Grin

Perhaps someone else can ask?

TalkinBoutWhat · 21/03/2018 09:51

Planet, well done. Hopefully this will have will put an end to the game playing, or at the very least reduce it.