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AIBU?

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Original poster

"We got here safely" (MIL vent)

339 replies

planetsweet · 18/03/2018 09:00

That is the text I have just received from my MIL. Last week I got "SIL's doing that thing today" and a while ago I got "I managed to get it". I have no idea what any of these texts mean. I have a very good memory, MIL has not told me or DH anything about going out today or SIL's "thing" or "it".

This is a habit that she has, equivalent to one of those posts on Facebook where the child posts "There just no point anymore" and everyone is supposed to rush and ask for information. I think MIL does it for drama, expecting us to beg for information which I have done for years. DH ignores her which is why she texts me. I'm not doing it anymore.

This morning I just texted back "Great, have a good time" and now there is silence. I know she knows that I don't know what she's talking about but what can she do about it?

Have I BU?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 14:19

And yet you still won't say how old she is. Because if she IS over a certain age it's not inconceivable to think there might be a problem there.

frasier · 19/03/2018 14:23

How old are you GreatDuckCookery? You seem to have a memory problem.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 14:24

Probably not as old as MIL Wink

TalkinBoutWhat · 19/03/2018 14:26

Great, Maybe this is someone who feels her family don't care about her?

You're having a go at the OP because you've decided you don't believe her story, and so have made up a whole new scenario.

Why is it so impossible that her MIL is self absorbed and what's all conversation centred around herself?

frasier · 19/03/2018 14:30

"Why is it so impossible that her MIL is self absorbed and what's all conversation centred around herself?"

Because they see themselves in the OP and are defensive maybe?

EasterRobin · 19/03/2018 14:30

I would "politely" assume that she'd told DH, and pass the buck to him with a "I'll let DH know."

OlennasWimple · 19/03/2018 14:35

I'm astounded and depressed in equal measures that someone would be suprised at a MIL having her DIL's phone number

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 14:36

The OP has said 8 years ago she asked her H if he thought there were some memory problems with MIL, she also said this thing she does is getting "worse and worse" so given that information I doubt it's because she just selff absorbed.

She sounds like she'd like someone to ask her how she is etc without having to prompt people.

InsomniacAnonymous · 19/03/2018 14:41

GreatDuckCookery "And yet you still won't say how old she is."

What would be the point? You've said that you wouldn't believe her if she did give her MIL's age.

TomRavenscroft · 19/03/2018 14:43

Oh, block her number.

I can't be doing with people fishing like this.

MirriVan · 19/03/2018 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFlame · 19/03/2018 14:50

This reminds me of Cinemasins: when they give sins for 'the pronoun game': one character forces another to ask a question when they could have just given the information in the first place.

eg. 'he's already here!' 'who?' 'the killer!'
vs 'the killer is already here'

I didn't realise people did it in real life

Effendi · 19/03/2018 14:51

My DM does a form of this but in person.

Yesterday in the car she did an intake of breath and rubbed her hand.
When I didn't respond immediately with 'What's up?', she did it about six more times during a 10 minute journey.
By then I was not going to be drawn in and I still don't know what was wrong.

Likewise, she will say 'I need to take the dogs out' and keep repeating it.
What she wants is for me to say I'll go with her. Fine I don't have a problem with that. Just bloody say it!

If she just came out with what she wants/means it would be so much easier instead of these silly games.

DM is lovely but probably the most self absorbed person I have ever known. She can talk for hours about shite and people I don't know.

sockunicorn · 19/03/2018 14:56

@planetsweet I think you did the exact right thing :). Polite but not feeding the drama or attention.

My (amazing) MIL does something similiar. Hers isnt on purpose but she wont answer you. We are in daily contact and she is one of my favourite people but when you message asking her to do something she wont answer and will just ask a random question in return! Or she wont ask you outright if you want to do something but will say "I was going to see if you fancied dinner but youre probably too busy". Its like she wants you to beg her to go to dinner. Or beg for what she was offering. So I have begun just answering with "Oh right" and walking off. Its not a question so doesnt need an answer is my stance. She soon comes running back. But I dont actually think she does it on purpose.

Weebo · 19/03/2018 15:03

I would find this annoying.

I also think it's strange that people would assume someone is 'elderly' because they behave this way.

Like people have read MIL and conjured up the image of a lonely old woman jabbing at her phone pitifully. I find that more offensive than OP's irritation.

My MIL is only 57 and annoys the shite of me sometimes. This hasn't got anything to do with age.

Gannicusthemannicus · 19/03/2018 15:06

I've never realised before but I do this Blush

I don't mean to, I just totally forget that other people aren't necessarily on the same wavelength that my thought process is on at that moment, then get frustrated they have no idea what I am talking about....oops

I think I also want the validation of someone participating in what I am saying as I worry I am boring them or they don't want to talk to me. If they ask what I am talking about, they are even a little involved so I feel more comfortable. Maybe that is the case with your MIL?

Thank you for the push to work on that OP!

WineAndTiramisu · 19/03/2018 15:11

I think all the people on here objecting to this post have realised that they do this...
I know a couple of people who do, and none of them are old/have memory problems/are abandoned by their mean family who refuse to give them attention they're just attention seeking for the sake of it.

Definitely keep up with the replies similar to what you sent, if nothing else it confuses them back! Grin

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 15:16

Nope sorry to disappoint Wine but I do not do this. I don't tend to text other to ask specific questions like to ask if the person is better or how they're feeling if they've been ill, what time are they coming by or to fetch whatever it is I need from the supermarket ( obviously only to DH on his way home from work )

daffodildelight · 19/03/2018 15:21

Can you plead poor signal/reception and delay your return text until next morning/evening?

ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3 · 19/03/2018 15:26

Before I get really old and decrepit I hope to have a valid reason to text this to my son

"Sorry the kumquat is in the oven, I'll be left with a budgie at this rate."

I would die happy.

2rebecca · 19/03/2018 15:32

Vague woolly texts and emails don't work with my son. Unless there's a question there he just treats it as a status update and ignores it.
You wonder how people start the pattern of communicating so badly.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 19/03/2018 15:36

My DC do this. I say, "If you're not going to tell me, I'm not interested."

Ohyesiam · 19/03/2018 15:41

My mil won’t answer yes or no to anything. My dad has made it a thing now and tries to get a straight answer from her. She recently asked” do you think I look like you grandma”( she does, they both have cheekbones to die for. )To which grandma said “ I’ve got a photo of me at 20”.
She also will never ask for what she wants, but causes a lot of trouble if she doesn’t get it.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 15:49

2rebecca That is what DH does and seems to be what his siblings do. I think they are just tired of the whole thing, as I am now.

I don't know how the pattern starts, perhaps it is a stage that most people grow out of, I don't know, but I think it is perpetuated by people "playing the game" and asking for the missing info. As I did for years.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 19/03/2018 16:05

@TalkinBoutWhat thanks for explaining all that so patiently to me with the caps for emphasis in case I didn't understand. I'll consider my head patted too shall I?

What I was TRYING to say is that sometimes SOME people of all ages send ANNOYING texts (even my mom! I know right?!) and I don't think it's too much of a hardship to respond kindly to them, whoever they are. It's not like it's all day every day. It's really not hard. This woman's son doesn't respond. Now her DiL has decided not to. I'm not surprised she's acting up to be honest. To me she sounds a bit lonely and lost but then I am inclined to see the best in people, not assume they are manipulative passive aggressive NIGHTMARES (the caps thing is ANNOYING isn't it?).

We all know as well, just from posting here, that sometimes meaning and tone doesn't come across on a screen. Texts are, in my experience, the very worst culprits for that

Sadly I don't have a MiL to upset me as she DIED when my DP was 13 so I haven't got to enjoyment of being irritated by her which so many people on this thread have described, although I notice that when they have described their experiences with their annoying relatives, you haven't accused them of making the thread all about them! Presumably because they agree with you.