"We got here safely" (MIL vent)

[planetsweet]

That is the text I have just received from my MIL. Last week I got "SIL's doing that thing today" and a while ago I got "I managed to get it". I have no idea what any of these texts mean. I have a very good memory, MIL has not told me or DH anything about going out today or SIL's "thing" or "it".

This is a habit that she has, equivalent to one of those posts on Facebook where the child posts "There just no point anymore" and everyone is supposed to rush and ask for information. I think MIL does it for drama, expecting us to beg for information which I have done for years. DH ignores her which is why she texts me. I'm not doing it anymore.

This morning I just texted back "Great, have a good time" and now there is silence. I know she knows that I don't know what she's talking about but what can she do about it?

Have I BU?

The thing is, a lot of us vent about these annoying MILs (and yes, I'm guilty too sometimes), but the truth is, someday we might be alone ourselves and trying too hard to get our DCs' attention. (No, we don't know how old this MIL is, but it does seem likely to be the case that she's on their own.)

It's easy to see it when you're commenting on a Mumsnet AIBU. But it may not be so easy to see it when you're on your own and desperate for attention from your loved ones.

Life just isn't black and white, there's always 2 sides to every story.

MIL isn't on her own. She has FIL, an adult child and three GCs living with her.

@Gannicusthemannicus your post is illuminating. I've always taken this to be attention seeking behaviour by people who need to be acknowledged at any cost. I had never thought of it as a tentative validation tactic. Thank you for giving me something to think about.

Not quite the same but my DM had the habit of introducing a new topic of conversation as she entered a room, regardless of any conversation already taking place. We often had to point out that we didn't all sit in silence when she wasn't there!

I once got a random text from my auntie, it read " I think that's a lovely idea on the whole.... Not sure about the goat though"
To this day I have no idea
Maybe your MIL is bad at standing texts to the right person?

All right, fair enough! That's very useful background. In that case there isn't an excuse for her behaviour, it is odd. You should block her and let your DH deal with her. It's not down to you.

But it's constant, ' @fuzzyduck33 that makes it less likely. But maybe she sends every text to more than one person?

Yes it's odd really. Could still be that she's just really bad at using her phone, what's her eyesight like?

fuzzyduck33 Wears glasses for reading. I know this because of a "got new pair today" text a while ago. Again it was in the days I enquired and found out it wasn't tights or pants, it was bifocals.

But she does it face to face also, so I think it is just her (attention seeking) way.

OP, you could use fuzzy's auntie's text as a reply to the next cryptic MIL text.

I have a friend who has some mild memory problems - he's thinking through something in his head, probably playing out a conversation and then will then start verbalising, somewhere around the halfway through point. It was during such a 'blurt' that I realised he was telling me he was gay. (I had already worked this out within about 5 minutes of meeting him). Conversation went like this :
Friend (typing on laptop) "So of course my Dad went ballistic, as well, you know, what with my brother and all.."
Me: "What?"
F: "When my brother told him about it, you know, well he thought he should, they say you should talk about it - well, he stormed out and wouldn't come back for hours."
Me: "Who did?"
And so it went on for about 20 minutes until we got to the crux of the matter.

It could be some form of verbal dyslexia or other language related difficulty. As far as I know they can worsen as people get older. A relative has something like this.

When younger she would struggle to remember the correct words to use mostly when tired - 'the what-not that goes in the thingy' (coffee filter) and would mix up her words dot hog (hot dog) or desert hot dogs (reservoir dogs -film title). She does it more these days and her text messages are similar.

I sympathise, op. Mil is very similar. With a load of thingyjigs thrown in. It's like she's talking in code.

Dp also went through a short lived phase of this. Starting conversations with "it's funny isn't it?" and the like.

I told him how utterly fecking irritating I found it and that I wouldn't respond at all if he did it. Didn't take long for him to stop.

What if you asked her to give you the subject of the conversation from the outset as it gives you more to work with for an engaging response

Paris Ah, so the texts would be like...

Bifocals
Got a new pair

Crayfish
Saw one today

Yes, that would work.

Logged in on phone at it capitalised my name. ^^ Post above is me 😄

Why have you name changed?

And how old is your MIL?

X post

I’d beat her at her own game.

Text her at least twice a day.

“It wasn’t as big as we’d expected”

“Gosh don’t they smell?!”

“Would you believe he’s changed my appointment to tomorrow! Where am I going to get a space hopper at this short notice?!”

My friend does this via text.

For example- "I've just found out some news" or "He's on his way over."

To begin with, I was like, "What, when, how??" These days, I'm like, "What now?"

Op, my MiL doesn't text, thank goodness, but frequently will start a conversation as if she is already half way through. I have worked out that this is because she honestly seems to believe that if she speaks to one of her children, that child will faithfully report all she has said to siblings and spouses. It can get very confusing and I have had to break her off mid-flow on the phone by saying 'I'm sorry I really have no idea what you are talking about, could you start from the beginning?'.

I can see this is annoying op, but you could have a lot of fun with it.

'I got a new pair today'
'Well give me a bloody clue here: is it tights, trousers or tits? And hurry up because I don't have time to play 20 questions like usual LOL'

Bet you she retreats somewhat sharpish if you try that tack

Can you answer "okay" to everything....

My mother was famous for her non sequiteurs. My brothers and I used to score them from force I to force 10. When teased about it, she used to say "Well, when I think of some thing I like to say it straight away". She would have sent gloriously random texts-the crayfish message made me think of her! At her funeral one of her friends said "I keep on expecting her to sit up in that coffin and say "Botticelli was the first painter to use tempera grassa""

She sounds interesting. I think the problem is the OP's MIL would sit up in that coffin and say "He was the first one to use it".

It sounds like a version of my MIL’s oversharing where she would go on about old Gertie or Mrs Dooberry as if they were your oldest friend. A second’s thought would have made her realise I had never met them and hadn’t a clue what she was on about. Now her son, my beloved, DH, does it about his steam railway pals I can see it is thoughtlessness rather than malice.

Still annoying though. I don’t care whether Richard or David sold their business for a zillion pounds or have a life size model of the Flying Scotsman in their garden.

I say, as ever, ‘Mwh?’

Why have you name changed?
You weren't socking OP were you? 🤫

And how old is your MIL?

That's the million dollar question that the OP refuses to answer. At least 3 different posters have asked but for some reason the OP won't say. I wonder why.

I would just reply with '?' to every single text that doesn't make sense. Nothing more. Either that or 'lol, have you been drinking again'