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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"We got here safely" (MIL vent)

339 replies

planetsweet · 18/03/2018 09:00

That is the text I have just received from my MIL. Last week I got "SIL's doing that thing today" and a while ago I got "I managed to get it". I have no idea what any of these texts mean. I have a very good memory, MIL has not told me or DH anything about going out today or SIL's "thing" or "it".

This is a habit that she has, equivalent to one of those posts on Facebook where the child posts "There just no point anymore" and everyone is supposed to rush and ask for information. I think MIL does it for drama, expecting us to beg for information which I have done for years. DH ignores her which is why she texts me. I'm not doing it anymore.

This morning I just texted back "Great, have a good time" and now there is silence. I know she knows that I don't know what she's talking about but what can she do about it?

Have I BU?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 19/03/2018 18:31

Well MIL isn't being very kind is she?

You notice the lack of 'how are you?' 'How did x go?' Etc f it's all one way texts to engage in conversation that just leaves OP exasperated!

I'd reply the same and she'll live in tonsomeone willing to play the game

LadyFlumpalot · 19/03/2018 18:33

My MiL does similar. Her best was "I saw a Crayfish today" completely out of the blue.

I've started just ignoring her completely. She did used to text "did you get my last text" but as I ignored those as well she has since stopped.

(For the record, I'm not a complete cow, if the text is relevant to me then I answer it of course)

BitOutOfPractice · 19/03/2018 18:52

you see I would love an "I saw a crayfish today" text!

halfwitpicker · 19/03/2018 18:52

'I'm at the drop off point now MIL, where are you??'

Text her that

halfwitpicker · 19/03/2018 18:53

Her best was "I saw a Crayfish today"

??

You can't actually make dat shit up

BertrandRussell · 19/03/2018 18:55

My mother was famous for her non sequiteurs. My brothers and I used to score them from force I to force 10. When teased about it, she used to say "Well, when I think of some thing I like to say it straight away". She would have sent gloriously random texts-the crayfish message made me think of her! At her funeral one of her friends said "I keep on expecting her to sit up in that coffin and say "Botticelli was the first painter to use tempera grassa""

WazFlimFlam · 19/03/2018 19:00

How many people on here who are saying, oh just text her back/give her a call to see how she is, have a DH who would do that for your mum?

AcrossthePond55 · 19/03/2018 19:01

I assume not relevant, but I have on occasion sent texts meant for one person to multiple recipients by not being careful about what I selected.

I recall sending "Look up your bum then!!!" to my DiL, DS, and DH. Obviously meant for DH alone after I got the umpteenth text complaining about a missing item and asking me where it was.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 19:01

Now imagine, if instead of "I saw a Crayfish today", you got "I saw one today".

Every. Text.

The crayfish is at least an opener for a conversation.

I once got an email along the lines of " Granddaughters name said she liked it but I thought she's never really had it. So I said I'll buy it for lunch so I bought it to test her and she ate it all but I bet she'd never really had it before she was just trying to be big."

That was in the days when I asked what "it" was. It was sushi.

OP posts:
CisPinkHoodie · 19/03/2018 19:02

How old is she?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 19/03/2018 19:05

Brilliant response Grin

My DH can be a bit like this. I swear he starts a conversation in his head then randomly starts verbalising it. I’m then bewildered about what the bloody hell he’s talking about!

BouncyFlouncy · 19/03/2018 19:14

Am I the only one willing MIL to text the OP today's cryptic offering so we can think up the reply? Grin

LadyFlumpalot · 19/03/2018 19:18

I will admit I'm awful at starting a conversation in my head and then expecting DH to know what I'm talking about.

I think his favourite was when I said out loud after an extended period of silence "I suppose the good thing about being human is that I'm not likely to get eaten by a fox"

I'd been musing that I would like to be a rabbit as rabbits don't have to go to work!

OP - that does sound very trying! I second a PPs suggestion to start sending her random texts, or, you could even reply to hers with things like "roger roger the eagle has landed in the pink sea"

PoorYorick · 19/03/2018 19:20

Perhaps she wants to talk to you and is worried you won't answer unless there's an obvious hook.

drspouse · 19/03/2018 19:22

Like with children, I think the key is to give attention when she's behaving herself.
So regular chatty phone calls from DH - don't have to be long - but when she's not been sending these messages.
And ignore these (or just "OK") but reply sensibly to "just to let you know I've posted Auntie C a card so no need for you to".

SnorkFavour · 19/03/2018 19:26

Planet, you're hilarious! I'm not being sarcastic, I actually mean it LOL. Almost every message of yours has made me laugh hahahaha. The supposed responses to her texts, the bra one was particularly funny Grin Grin, the 'she's elderly, you have decided!' to Duck ... and your perfect responses to the offended posters on here are also brilliant - you have the measure of them all. In fact, your responses are so good here, I wonder how you MIL has got away with her irritating behaviour for so long and the only conclusion I can draw is actually the opposite of many on here and that's that you're actually quite kind and so haven't unleashed the full might of your acerbic wit onto her.

I don't think you're a bitch at all! In fact I wish you were my friend and I say that as someone who really keeps people at arms length. I'm one of those who wouldn't dream of calling, if it can possibly be texted.

I loathe those cryptic FB posts, they're SO annoying. Person 1: "So upset I can't even think" Person 2: "Whats up hun? (its obligatory to be a 'hunner' if you're the type to actually reply to this type of statement) Person 1; "I'll PM you" .. really WTF ... WHY post it publicly in the first place if you're not going to discuss it publicly ahhh. I unfollow generally and it makes my FB feed so much less depressing.

Also, my son is like this. He'll look at his phone, for eg, and laugh and he'll keep the chuckling up until someone says 'what?'. It drives my daughter and I mad lol (we love him to bits, but it's an insanely annoying habit).

If I were you I'd block her texts. She won't know and it'll stop you feeling obliged to reply and stop the irritation.

GetAwayFromHer · 19/03/2018 19:34

Snork

I don't think the FB post thing has anything to do with what the OP is talking about

The FB posts are reporting upset; the MIL text are conveying information - unasked for and a little dull. The sort of thing that would be exasperating but funny in someone you love but something more sinister if it's your MIL (apparently)

By the way - do you need a torch - it must be dark up there/

zestyflavour · 19/03/2018 19:34

My SIL does something similar, she’ll text saying ‘guess what?’ Or ‘you won’t believe whats happened?’ Anything where you have to text back asking what, and until you do she won’t actually tell you. I’ve literally held out for hours before finally giving in and asking what? And it’s always something mundane or attention seeking 😩

3out · 19/03/2018 19:39

BertrandRussell 😂😂😂 She sounds truly awesome.

Is the texting updates thing just an updated version of the ‘that’s me home safe’ call when I was a young girl? This was quite usual, but in our family my great aunt had to ring for three rings then hang up, and my great uncle had to ring for six rings. That way it didn’t cost them anything. Only problem was my g.uncle was a quirky soul, and when the phone would continue ringing 8,9,10 times and I’d go to answer it to be met with shouts of ‘no, no, give it a second’ 15 rings later it stops, and all the adults will nod ‘yes, that will have been him’.

Hygge · 19/03/2018 19:41

This is like the Douglas Adams book, The Deeper Meaning of Liff.

Your MIL is starting a 'Clabby" conversation, where she says something to provoke maximum confusion, and then you all have a long, involved conversation trying to clear it all up.

He says that you need to learn the art of the 'Clixby' to counter her. A Clixby is a politely rude reply, or a briskly vague, or firmly uninformative in return.

If you don't learn the Clixby, you'll get stuck in a 'Ditherington' where you have no hope of understanding what's going on and just get dragged further into her Clabby.

He gave an example. Someone saying "I didn't realise you'd had your leg off Mr Smith!" is a Clabby. The Ditherington reply would be "I haven't" but the Clixby is "Good."

I realise I may have been as confusing as your MIL with all of this, but the book is really good. Grin

DragonNoodleCake · 19/03/2018 19:49

@marcopront haha, I'm a Geordie and one of my colleagues says I must start conversations in my head! I don't mean to though.

Scotland32 · 19/03/2018 19:59

Agree with some others that a simple 'ok' by way of reply to all these is great. No more blunt than her texts, shows you have received her message and yet doesn't give in to her neediness. After 15-20 'ok' texts she will probably stop. Or she will bring it up in conversation in which case you can (maybe!) be brave and tell her to stop playing silly games!! Good luck.

Original poster
planetsweet · 19/03/2018 20:12

snork Blush

OP posts:
marchonto2018 · 19/03/2018 20:16

One thing my elderly FIL does do (to my DH) is start a conversation firstly by choosing a really inconvenient moment (like serving up hot dinner) then interrupt any current conversations, check everyone is listening THEN say 'DHsname... you remember John and Caroline don't you?' MIL will say no, he won't remember as we moved from Wolverhampton when he was 3... at this point I have to bite my tongue as I always know the ending. One of them is dead

I then have to be sympathetic about the demise of someone I've never met, DH couldn't possibly remember and the in laws haven't seen for 40 years Confused

Every. Time.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 20:23

the 'she's elderly, you have decided!' to Duck ... and your perfect responses to the offended posters on here are also brilliant

Odd sense of humour you have there Snork, there was nothing hilarious from the OP from where I'm sitting. A lot of deflecting and skirting around certain questions more like?

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