To HATE my mother kissing my baby

[yadayadayesokay]

My DD is 3 months old. I didn’t think I would have a problem with people kissing her and I generally don’t. We have had the usual large amount of visitors to come and meet and of course hold and kiss my DD. Not a problem whatsoever. But then it comes to my mother and I just can’t stand it. She doesn’t just kiss her a couple of times like other people, she will SMOTHER her in kisses constantly, all over. Hair, head, forehead, cheeks, nose, hands (which I particularly hate because they go straight in her mouth) opens up her onesie to blow raspberries on her belly, ‘eats’ her feet. I know there’s nothing out of the ordinary here but for me it’s just the amount that she does it. The kissing her all over her face all the time is how myself and my DP kiss her, as she’s our baby! I just wish she would calm down a bit. I suspect most others wouldn’t have a problem with this. AIBU?

Spot on, Mad.

What other rights, Duck? I'm highly entertained to know my son's rights were eroded. I guess he would be too.

But @Roussette those examples are for the safety and wellbeing of the baby.

Excessive kissing is only benefiting the mil in this instance. And upsetting the OP.

So are you saying a baby doesn't benefit from the warmth and love of a GP?

And it's not a MIL. It's a DM

What we haven't been told is how the baby reacts to all this.

No, the OP is saying Again, it’s not the kissing that bothers me but rather the amount and frequency of it.

My mistake, dm not mil.

Don’t ignore your instincts OP.

My parents were abusive. They gushed all over their first couple of grandchildren. Things are very different now they have a few and are able to play manipulative games. I am now NC with them because I won’t expose my kids to that.

It makes me so sad to think of the accommodations I made for my mother with my first baby - thinking it would heal things, probably thinking now she would love me, I don’t know! In reality I wish I’d kept her a long arms length from my precious babies. She’s only seen my third once, it’s wonderful.

It may be different for you, I have no idea. But if you are not happy, change things. Why not make her unhappy. Her behaviour does not have to be your burden.

OP it's quite unusual to be so affected by the way your mum treats your baby because generally it's the way your whole family would've treated babies (Inc you!). I reckon it is more to do with her being abusive when you were little. Sometimes I feel a bit envious when I see my dad being gentle and nice with my kids because he was quite horrid to me. I'm not saying it's envy in your case but I am sure it's connected.

@yadayadayesokay I think there are a lot of posters here who won't understand the dynamic between you and your mum and so you might not get very useful answers. If you're uncomfortable with it (and I would be), you have every right to say something.

I try to talk things over with my DH to decide be which battles are reasonable to fight - so I wouldn't allow excessive kissing and I say something when when she "jokingly" threatens to take her away (ie "Mummy's very mean to you, I think Granny will just have to steal you away and take you home with her forever" ), but I don't say anything when she sings her the special lullaby I sing her at bedtime or calls her "my baby", even though it sets my teeth on edge. It's all about being proportionate and maintaining reasonable boundaries.

What do you mean by what other rights Bluelady? Do you really believe that people can do whatever they like to someone else's baby? Because babies don't have rights?

If the parent doesn't want their baby kissed all over for whatever reason it's perfectly fine to speak up and say so.

I mean what I said. Simple question. What rights do babies have?

If she was abusive then perhaps it's not so much the kissing but that your mum is pressing boundries? She knows you really don't like it yet persists.

Do you think perhaps you are worried she will be abusive to your baby? What has made her such a great granny given her abuse of you? Do you really trust her?

You're being argumentative. I am pretty sure you know what rights a baby has Bluelady.
To be kept safe, to be looked after, fed and clothed.

Do you really need that spelling out? Not being kissed all over their face including their mouth comes under the umbrella of having such rights.

Sorry op I’ve only read your opening post, so this might have been addressed already. To me it sounds like me you are really angry with your mum, but that it’s quite unconscious. What is your relationship like?
I wonder if you need to set some strong boundaries( not just about the kissing), and put some distance between you and your mum.
I only say this because I really relate to what you are saying, so forgive if I’m barking up the wrong tree.
I set up boundaries with my mum that were quite subtle( like limiting times of day she could come round as I hated visitors at bath time), I didn’t cut her out or anything drastic, but it really helped.

Vulnerable people have rights Bluelady.

Arguing against that is a slippery slope.

One day your mum wont be there to kiss your baby.
Then you will wish she was. :(

victoriaspongecake did you miss the post from yada where she states her 'd'M abused her throughout her childhood? Talk about sticking a knife in

One day your mum wont be there to kiss your baby.

for god's sake you could say this about anything that bothers us (and that is even without the abuse). My dad ISN'T here anymore to rock babies to sleep (which was one of the things I pulled him up on). So what. When he was alive we interacted like humans, like adults, not like one of us was in the departure lounge of life. If something bothered us we said it and thrashed it out. I can't imagine a relationship lived on the basis of "one day she won't be there so I'll shut my mouth". Downright odd.

I have a grandson ..I pretty much kiss him and kiss him and throw him in the air like superman and kiss him and kiss him and don't put him down the minute I get there To the minute I leave. .. I have him overnight at every possible opportunity I can and I love the absolute bones of him . I screech his name when I see him ( he used to cry but I think he's just deaf now where I've screeched so much ) I love him to death and would have him living with me if I could
Be grateful as my mum and mil are not like that with their grandkids ... It's Just not their way ..
If my son and Dil said not to kiss him I'd be so upset ..

I am sure she is grateful Vanilla, grateful her dc hasn't yet been abused as she was by her mum. RTT

I did rtt .. I got quite a few posts down about being sexually active , herpes , dog ball licking , etc and not once did I read the op was abused. It wasn't in the opening post unless I missed it

You missed the update post at 20:29. If you set the op posts to highlight then you won't.

For those who have asked I have a good relationship with DM now but she was horribly abusive to me as a child, so maybe this does have something to do with how I feel.

Just because people are different in the way they show affection doesn't mean they love their GC any less than you do Vanila, you sound a bit overbearing to me if I'm being honest. Screeching and making him cry isn't a good thing in anyone's book!

MN is strange ...
Grandmother kisses baby too much... Shock face...
Just fucking tell her, “don’t slather your saliva over the baby please, keep your germs to yourself”.