To HATE my mother kissing my baby

[yadayadayesokay]

My DD is 3 months old. I didn’t think I would have a problem with people kissing her and I generally don’t. We have had the usual large amount of visitors to come and meet and of course hold and kiss my DD. Not a problem whatsoever. But then it comes to my mother and I just can’t stand it. She doesn’t just kiss her a couple of times like other people, she will SMOTHER her in kisses constantly, all over. Hair, head, forehead, cheeks, nose, hands (which I particularly hate because they go straight in her mouth) opens up her onesie to blow raspberries on her belly, ‘eats’ her feet. I know there’s nothing out of the ordinary here but for me it’s just the amount that she does it. The kissing her all over her face all the time is how myself and my DP kiss her, as she’s our baby! I just wish she would calm down a bit. I suspect most others wouldn’t have a problem with this. AIBU?

You can still have a close bond with lots of physical contact without kissing them on their mouths and all over their face

Yes you can, but there's nothing wrong with a close relative doing either.

I wouldn't have liked it for my children.

It would annoy me too. Although I also don't like my baby being returned to me smelling of perfume!

Yes you can, but there's nothing wrong with a close relative doing either

If the parent of the child don't like it then yes there is something wrong with a close relative doing it.

GreatDuck absolutely. Continually pissing off the parent is more likely to lead to a strained relationship, naturally leading to less contact happening without any deliberate decision to withdraw being consciously made.

Many people just like babies and love a "squidgy baby" generally - in my experience there is no correlation at all between how ott kissy someone is with a baby and how close their relationship is with the no longer cute and squidgy ten/ twelve/ fourteen year old/ adult that baby grows into.

The grandparent who was least pushy and kissy with my kids as babies is the one with the best genuine relationship with each of them as individual people now they are older, and the one who really knows and values them for the people they are, not as toys or status symbols or lifetime milestones or projections of themselves.

the one who really knows and values them for the people they are, not as toys or status symbols or lifetime milestones or projections of themselves

That's a strange way to interpret love and affection.
So, hugging and kissing your grandchild means you see them as a toy or status symbol? Odd.
My daughter had the closest relationship with the Gran who was always hugging and kissing her when she was a baby and throughout her childhood until she passed away. That Gran loved her unconditionally whereas her other Gran, my mother, did not hug or kiss her much at all. My daughter adored her.

If the parent of the child don't like it then yes there is something wrong with a close relative doing it

Or there could be something wrong with the parent.

At the end of the day Gotta the parent has the last word. If they're not comfortable with someone smothering their baby's face with kisses then they can say so. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them.

Talk about being ok with boundaries being pushed.

No it isn't Gotta - so many people love a chance to squidge and kiss a baby with no real interest in, and certainly no genuine love for, the person that baby becomes once no longer a cuddly baby. For people like that the baby is basically a toy - sometimes with a bit of exhibitionism thrown in.

Evelynismycatsformerspyname

You must know some strange people.
I don't know any grandmother who loses interest in their grandchild once it's no longer a baby.
The child dictates when the hugs and kisses stop but that doesn't mean the grandmother doesn't care about the grandchild any longer.

Gotta don't be so disingenuous - everyone knows people who love to squish and kiss and coo over babies they have no real connection to. I am pointing out that level of kissy, cuddly, squishy delight in a baby often just indicates that person likes babies generically, not that they are destined to be a more devoted grandparent (or aunt, or parent's friend, or next door neighbor, or acquaintance, or short term girlfriend of one of the baby's uncles...) than an equivalent adult who doesn't randomly undress the child without reason to blow raspberries on its stomach, or kiss it over and over on the mouth!

I said there is no correlation - that means (obviously) in either direction.

However when I was teaching I came across enough parents who loved babies, and kept having more whom they appeared devoted to, but lost interest in their older kids to be incredibly dubious about the claim grandparents are above that.

I agree with you Evelyn. The amount of kisses on the face, the amount of squeals and shrieking, the amount of throwing the baby around in the air does mean that those who do it love their GC any more than those who don't need such an outward display.

Or that the grandchild will feel any less loved.

To me that OTT carry on seems a little false imo.

I don't know any grandmother who loses interest in their grandchild once it's no longer a baby

I know loads

Just ask her to stop, sometimes grannies like mother-in-laws, don`t realise they are upsetting people.

Wow I must be weird - I would never kiss someone else’s baby! I have a cuddle and hold a baby but it has not crossed my mind to kiss them. WRT the OP’s post I can understand that you feel your territory is being encroached upon.

Just ask her to stop, sometimes grannies like mother-in-laws, don`t realise they are upsetting people.

It's the OP's mother not her MIL.

Haven’t rtft but there’s a lot of “it’s her grandchild” etc....

I don’t personally like the crazy kissy thing because I wouldn’t like someone doing it to me. A baby can’t say “alright nan, that’s enough now” or walk off like a five year old might.

There’s a reason as grown-ups we don’t let our DPs/DGPs do this....

What a loving grandmother ❤️

Exactly Shark and I said as much earlier.
Imagine as an adult having your Grandmother kissing you all over your face and mouth? Nobody would put up with that. so why on earth should a baby that can't say " get off " have it done to them?

Oh yes because babies don't have any rights, I forgot.

Mum MIL smoked and was always trying to kiss my baby on the mouth. I was always asking her not to. We lived away so didn’t see her often. When he was older he would move his head away but she’d still try to get his mouth. Of course it made him cry.

Does your baby like it?

The novelty will wear off when DD is even a few more months older. So just appreciate having someone who is prepared to demonstrate just how much DID is loved.

25% of your DD’s DNA comes from your mum. She’ll be OK even if she’s smothered with kisses and her feet get eaten.

As for the baby not being able to say ‘please stop granny’ - give me a break! Babies are well known for letting their displeasure known to all around them loudly and in no uncertain terms.

If the baby cries, of course grandma shouldn’t kiss her. If she’s happy, what’s the problem?

Or is it a bit of jealousy on your part OP? I was jealous of my mum’s and my first DD’s relationship for the first few weeks - my DD seemed to prefer being in my mum’s arms to being in mine. But it ended as soon as I stopped fretting over everything and became calmer and better at holding my baby.

It’s not directly relevant to your kidding issue, but the jealousy problem over the grandparents / baby relationship is quite a frequent one apparently.

Kissing issue, not “kidding”.