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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To HATE my mother kissing my baby

280 replies

yadayadayesokay · 17/03/2018 15:53

My DD is 3 months old. I didn’t think I would have a problem with people kissing her and I generally don’t. We have had the usual large amount of visitors to come and meet and of course hold and kiss my DD. Not a problem whatsoever. But then it comes to my mother and I just can’t stand it. She doesn’t just kiss her a couple of times like other people, she will SMOTHER her in kisses constantly, all over. Hair, head, forehead, cheeks, nose, hands (which I particularly hate because they go straight in her mouth) opens up her onesie to blow raspberries on her belly, ‘eats’ her feet. I know there’s nothing out of the ordinary here but for me it’s just the amount that she does it. The kissing her all over her face all the time is how myself and my DP kiss her, as she’s our baby! I just wish she would calm down a bit. I suspect most others wouldn’t have a problem with this. AIBU?

OP posts:
derxa · 17/03/2018 20:15

Is she Sam Faiers MIL?

Roussette · 17/03/2018 20:15

I hope to god if I'm lucky enough to have GC they don't stand in a line and lower their foreheads to have a kiss by me!

Northern I agree, I don't slobber over anyone and I kiss my adult DCs (not on the lips!), they don't complain. People get so worked up about what to me is so normal.

OP if your DM oversteps just make a joke of it so she doesn't get offended but it will rein her in!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/03/2018 20:17

All those saying it's fine and a sign that someone loves their GC so much, how would you like someone kissing all over your face and on the lips now as an adult?

You wouldn't. But you'd be able tell them to stop, a baby can't.

splink · 17/03/2018 20:17

Have you discussed this with her.

Asking the opinions of internet sad sacks like us - our only pleasure being to comment on post with our steadfast opinions. Opinions, I may add, that we only created having read the post 5 minutes ago.

Talk to her. Don't just ask us. We will give you forty opinions each more crap than the last.

Or.... Next time she goes to kiss your baby Chuck Norris roundhouse kick her in the offending lips.

Roussette · 17/03/2018 20:22

Everyone on here has said NO to kissing on the lips. GreatDuck*. No one has said it's OK. But I think a little kiss on the cheek, forehead, or head... there is nothing wrong with that. Let's not sanitise ourselves to oblivion

missyB1 · 17/03/2018 20:25

how would you like someone kissing you ll over the face and on the lips now as an adult?

Well I wouldn't want them covering my bum in sudocrem and putting a nappy on it either! Or throwing me up in the air. Or singing nursery rhymes to me. Or rocking me off to sleep.

Perhaps babies like things that wouldn't be appropriate for adults - now there's an idea!

pallisers · 17/03/2018 20:27

Have you discussed this with her.

I am often amazed on MN how people are nervous of offending their parents ( and vice versa) by pointing out perfectly reasonable stuff. We just didn't operate like that and it sounds like the OP's family doesn't either (hence the DB and the baby not lollipop remark). OP, just say it to her - use your brother's phrase to start. It'll be fine.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/03/2018 20:27

And perhaps they don't Missy.

Original poster
yadayadayesokay · 17/03/2018 20:29

Again, it’s not the kissing that bothers me but rather the amount and frequency of it.

I’ve never known my DM to have a cold sore and no she doesn’t literally slobber on my baby but I’m very aware that any germs around your mouth will be transferred with a kiss, and my baby did get a cold a few weeks ago when DM had one and I didn’t.

@peachgreen I feel the same and my DM does refer to DD as ‘my baby’ and then has to correct herself (or sometimes doesn’t)

For those who have asked I have a good relationship with DM now but she was horribly abusive to me as a child, so maybe this does have something to do with how I feel.

I have tried subtly and jokingly trying to get her to do it less but she just responds ‘oh she’s just too irresistible!’ So to ask her not to kiss her so much will definitely cause upset. But it makes me uncomfortable every day.

OP posts:
Roussette · 17/03/2018 20:30

Duck I think perhaps we have to decide things that might be nice for baby without thinking they've got 'rights'. They're babies

WorldWideWanderer · 17/03/2018 20:31

I really, really wouldn't like this, I think it's over the top and unnecessary. I didn't do that to my own babies, and wouldn't like that from someone else, mother or not.
Can you talk to her about it?

Roussette · 17/03/2018 20:32

OP... you have to say that although you love it that she is besotted with your baby, can she please tone down the OTT kissing. I would hate it if my adult DCs felt they couldn't say what they were thinking. Go for it

AngelL7 · 17/03/2018 20:33

She’s just a doting granny, it’s sweet

pallisers · 17/03/2018 20:33

I have tried subtly and jokingly trying to get her to do it less but she just responds ‘oh she’s just too irresistible!’ So to ask her not to kiss her so much will definitely cause upset. But it makes me uncomfortable every day.

Well one of you is going to be upset. At the moment it is you. How about making it her for a change?

theeyeofthestormchaser · 17/03/2018 20:34

Birds - I personally think that if you are sexually active, dating etc, then you shouldn't be kissing a baby in the way that you describe. If she is celibate/with your Dad then leave her to it.

Why on earth do you think this???

troodiedoo · 17/03/2018 20:34

@Roussette babies don't have rights now?

OP, given that your mother was abusive to you as a child, that's even more reason to stamp out this behaviour that you are not comfortable with, and show her you intend to set boundaries.

Roussette · 17/03/2018 20:38

I am just saying troodie we have to do things for our babies which they may not like, i.e. putting them to bed when they're not tired, putting them down for naps, taking playful but dangerous objects away. None of these things are rights for a baby. But...giving a baby love and kisses, they can't say that they don't want that, because that's their right Shock

KarmaStar · 17/03/2018 20:38

I do understand what you are saying OP,and she is YOUR baby.
You are not bu.
How you can raise the subject with your mum I really don't know though.difficult.
Unless say concerned about immunity and can she limit her contact to cuddles and a kiss on the cheeks?
Congratulations on your lovely baby Flowers

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/03/2018 20:41

Of course babies have rights. Especially ones that aren't yours!

Bluelady · 17/03/2018 20:43

What rights do babies have?

Lion3 · 17/03/2018 20:44

That's what loving grandparent do.BUT no kissing on the lips most ppl should know that.The amount of germs from kissing.A baby can build up there own immunity but giving it to them directly should be avoided.
You would let someone who has the flu family or no family.

MadRainbow · 17/03/2018 20:44

For those who have asked I have a good relationship with DM now but she was horribly abusive to me as a child, so maybe this does have something to do with how I feel.

This changes things. A back history like this is going to make things uncomfortable and now I can understand a little of your reluctance.

At the end of the day OP as a PP it's really not up to us internet saddos; it's up to you to tell your DM if this is making you so uncomfortable. From my perspective this is normal and you can't protect babies from germs, they're everywhere; saying that I have a great relationship with my family and I have no qualms about telling them straight. But that is MY perspective. YOURS is different for many reasons and the sooner you can manage to tell everyone (not just your DM) what you want for YOUR baby 80% of the battle is won.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/03/2018 20:49

To not be smothered all over their faces with kisses for a start.

VladmirsPoutine · 17/03/2018 20:54

Well following this enormous drip-feed then it certainly puts a different spin on things.

Roussette · 17/03/2018 20:55

They can't speak for themselves Duck so it's up to Mum. I loved it when mine were cuddled and kissed, it made me feel so so proud that friends and rellies loved my baby. There was no smothering. It was love, warmth and kindness. But there again I wasn't looking for a problem