Are we still friends?

[0ldchestnut]

DP and I got engaged on NYE.
Initially I wanted to have 5 bridesmaids, however, we’ve decided on 3.
I’ve had to tell two of my close friends (who do not know each other) that it had been a hard decision but I cannot have them as bridesmaids.
1st friend was very understanding, she knew it was a hard decision that I’ve had to make and is happy to be a part of our big day.
2nd friend was not very understanding. Instead we have had a massive row over this.
She has been very judgemental and started comparing herself to the 3 girls I have chosen.
Kept on asking but why? “I’m shocked that you’ve chosen these girls over me, Ive been a better friend to you then they have.”

I’ve told her that she cannot compare herself, it’s my decision, please respect it. I was totally honest and told her that I feel closer to them than I am with her. After arguing over this, I suggested to meet up (when she has calmed down) and chat face to face as messaging can be a misunderstanding. After a couple of months, DF gets in touch and we plan a catch up.

During our catch up, she is still judging my friendship with these other girls and comparing herself to them. I told her the truth and said that I feel closer with these other girls and I that if we had got engaged a couple years back, she might have made the cut, or if I were to have 5, she would be one of them.
She starts to cry and tells me that I see “perceive this friendship” differently.
At the end of this, we hug and I say: I understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, I’ll give you some time to reflect.

I have not heard from her for a month now.

I don’t know what to do… Where I stand? What is she thinking? Do I make her a bridesmaid, just to save our friendship?
Should I message her even though I said give her time?

as an aside...
are you Meghan Markle?

^^This made me giggle.

But seriously OP be more tactful when speaking to friends and people you care about it seems she valued your friendhsip more you did hers, to salvage this relationship you're the one who has to reach out and make amends

Fingers crossed it works out!

I think people were unimpressed by the way she spoke about her friend 'not making the cut'. It made it seem like an episode of 'The Apprentice', not a bride asking her friends to be her bridesmaids.

tbh, I'm not sure what you could have done differently OP (No doubt the convo didn't pan out quite as described in your original post).

It's not your fault you feel closer to these three girls, and it is your day to be as you choose. I'm also sure you didn't anticipate your friend reacting in this way. It seems she views your friendship differently, but I don't think that's your fault anymore than it's hers.

I can also completely understand getting caught up in the excitement of your engagement and the planning in the beginning, and then the reality of cost and budget hitting. Hard decisions have to be made.

I think you're either going to have to stick to your guns, or find a way to have all 5. Even so, it sounds like your friend is going to forget so perhaps you'll just have to see how your friendship pans out.

Agree with PP about asking her to do a reading - but this might come across as a consolation price.

I'm just sorry to hear all this drama has happened over what should be a happy time, OP.

My! I did wonder if this post was for real. Is it? The OP seems to have a complete lack of tact in dealing with this. You don’t tell a close friend that you are closer to someone else, nor that they’ve not “made the cut”. Even if you didn’t use those words, it does make you sound like a cold patronising diva who thinks rather a lot of herself. If you have to make a hard decision like this, then think of other “reasons’ which are not personal why others have been chosen, and of other stuff you can do to make you other friends feel included and special (doing a reading, being a “best woman”).

Also being “entirely honest” is rarely the best thing to do if you want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.