Parents of Ds's friend annoying.

[BuffyBee]

Really don't know what you'll think of this! Could be just me!
But, every time we get Ds9 a Birthday/Christmas present, within a couple of days his friend has been bought the same thing, even though it's not a Special occasion for him.
We have three kids and it's sometimes a struggle to buy a big gift, Ds has to wait for Special occasions for expensive things and somehow, his friend getting the same gift two days later, takes away the shine for me.
So Ds had an expensive electronics gift which he got with his Christmas money and was chuffed to bits, two days later his friend was bought the same.
It hasn't just happened a couple of times, it's been the last five years and it's every single time Ds gets anything, bike, scooter, electronics etc.
What are his parents thinking by doing this?
AIBU for it to get on my nerves?

'Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery'

Sorry not rtft but to those STILL not getting it, OP has no issue with other child having same things but with it being for no apparent reason straight after he’s seen OP’s son with them.

Example - DP buys me a Tiffany necklace for my birthday, work colleague gets the same one at the weekend (not her birthday or anything). DP buys a spa package in a hotel and colleague gets the same package next week (not a birthday or special event). If that were the OP’s post would you all be thinking her colleague was a bit off?!

Having had a friend like this growing up I can totally understand the frustration of it. Every single time I got something I truly desired she also got the same. It drove me crackers. It is honestly not something that parents can really influence though. Either he begins to disentangle himself from this boy or he chooses to accept it and perhaps begin to point this out to others; in a "lets see how long it takes for X to get one now....." truly nothing else works I am afraid. Not a nice position to be in as essentially both paths result in the end of a previously close friendship. If it bothers him though, then he does need to act as otherwise nothing changes and the suffocating feelings begin,

My dd has a similar friend. Often dd will know she's getting X for her birthday and tell her friend and the friend then gets the exact same thing before dd even has hers. It's annoying.

Personally I don't think it's a good idea to buy your kids whatever they want, no matter how easily you can afford it.

It's much better that they learn to really value what they have, to choose stuff sensibly and to save. Money doesn't grow on trees.

Financially we are in a position where we could have really spoiled our kids. We chose not to and they have grown up to have good work ethics and to know the value of money.

Some people equate stuff with love though. They go for the quick buzz instead of the long term lesson.

I have come across a parent like this, I mention something I’m buying for my DD, she announces that it is stupid or crap & then goes & buys it herself. Irritating! Or I will mention something I’m thinking of getting & she will say her child already has 4 of them!

I agree that the child won't actually value anything as he hasn't earnt the treats, he has no idea of who he is or what he's interested in! Just wanting what others have for the sake of it is really really sad!

Super annoying but as general rule in parenting, loads of little sweet lies , just turn in it into your favour by emphasising to your DS that maybe he is a trend setter as he’s so unique etc. Don’t bother to much with other people as there will be no end.

I don’t think YABU and the other child will suffer by being indulged in such a particular way. When he grows up and is buying for himself he will get what he can afford, not what all his friends have.

Still there is an upside. With boys, they have crazes and particular toys become incredibly popular before interest abruptly fizzles out. Those whose parents do not indulge them can put immense pressure on those who have bought the desired item to share it endlessly. Sharing is good but children have no sense of proportion and take items over.

At least your son gets to play with his possessions without being pestered or having them broken.

When my son was younger he had a problem with one child in his group who had a competitive and rich father. When the craze was yo-yos the dad bought his son a £40 yo-yo which was weighted so it never stopped and beat every other yo-yo all the time.

In time children come to see the issues that silly parents cause. My son learnt early that you cannnot have everything and someone will always try to beat you and make you feel inferior. It is a useful lesson In realism, human nature and resilience.

I never realised there were so many mums out there who would fail to get the point the OP was making in her post.
So sad, but it explains why there are an increasing number of spoilt entitled brats out there.

There is nothing that you can do though,is there?

If you approach the parents, you'll look a right fool.

If it bothers you much tell your DS to not discuss gifts because ultimately you can't and mustn't think to control what his friends patents will do

YANBU - It's weird.

I can't see how people don't get it.
When people say We shared our wedding details and then friend copied lots of details, people get it and say it's odd/weird/the copycat must be insecure. But children just have to put up?

You can't do anything about it OP, but it is odd.

As someone said to me though, some children and materially wealthy and emotionally poor.
Their parents haven't thought about these endless gifts. It's just 'DC wants so DC gets'. Poor child probably associates love and affection with spending money.

There are many wealtjy parenta who wouldn't dream of acting how copy cat parnet is.

Ah this would annoy me too OP, it takes a bit f the 'special' away from the gift that he's been longing for/you've been longing to give but...it wouldn't annoy my ds so I'd keep schtum. We spent 250 on a go-kart one birthday and his friend's mum said 'I heard he got as go-kart, thanks a lot!', her dc was raving about it and two days later, go-kart, only his had a light and siren. I just admired it and privately eye-

Rolled!

We had some friends who did this too. It was the adults rather than the children asking for stuff though

Every time my children got or did something new they would copy it, whether their children wanted/had asked for it or not - clothes, toys, hobbies.

It was weird and annoying - our other friends noticed it as well.

Nothing we could do, I kept telling myself that imitation was the sincerest form of flattery and ignored it.

Isn't this just the same as when an adult buys a new outfit and friend goes and buy the same. Maddening but nothing you can do. Whilst it's a child involved in this scenario again nothing you can do. Your child obviously chooses "toys that his friend doesn't have a d of course he wants them too. The fact his parents buy out with special occasions isn't doing the boy any favours but given his circumstances isn't surprising. Always have been always will be folk who are in a more affluent environment, just accept. If it upsets your son, yes make him a trend setter, would be awful hard for him not to tell friend what he has just bought or been given. Your son will grow to recognise the boy as he who had everything. It's you who has the problem afraid.

For all those people who think that copying everything your friends have/do is normal, reasonable behaviour, lots of other people consider it inappropriate and annoying. Do you really want to go through life alienating half your friends? Or worse, settting your kids up for friendships where other people will get pissed off and back away? Your kids won't understand why their friendships cool, which is a shame.

Channels Bill Murray - it just doesn't matter, it just doesn't matter..it just doesn't matter

Getting the same toy twice a year isn’t ‘copying everything someone does’. My friends will quite often like something I have bought and ask where I got it/get the same for themselves. At least a few times a year I’d say and I do the same. Perfectly normal and not the same as someone doing it all the time.
The issue the op has is that the neighbour gets toys when it’s not their birthday or Christmas and when the old ones aren’t worn out and her child doesn’t. That’s none of her business and a strange thing to be bothered about since she’s not jealous and even if she had the money she wouldn’t buy her child toys unless it was an occasion anyway. Different parenting styles and incomes is all it is. Her child isn’t being stalked or copied daily. His friend has had two of the same toys IN THE SPACE OF A YEAR!

The things is I have 3 children so some would say (and do) buy each child the same thing - if one wants an iPad they'd buy all 3 an iPad

In our house the child is encouraged to think about what they really want and what really interests them - regardless of what others may have

Sometimes they make a bad decisions and the toy isn't what they expected or held their interest - they've got better at deciding

One very much into art - one technology and the other loves his bike - different children different interests.

This is what's lacking in this boys enviroment - it's not about fitting in, because if a child is exclude via stuff then they need new friends anyway

I know exactly how OP feels!
There's four of us go out and one of them is always buying the same as the others, it's mentioned and found annoying.
End of last year I find a gorgeous dress and on the night out, its mentioned and one of them asked where it was from. As soon as I told her I got alarm bells but then thought, No.she couldnt.
Sure enough, next time we go out she'd got the dress on, luckily I'm in trousers and top. She tried to say that she hadn't noticed that it was the same as mine. Very difficult, if you saw the dress. Everyone was shocked!
Next time we're going out, her friend phones to "warn" me her Df is wearing the dress again tonight and asked what I was wearing, I told her I wasn't sure.
So, I hit the gym, I have hair extensions in and blonde streaks. I buy new shoes and have a light spray tan and on the day have my hair, nails and makeup done professionally.
On the night I arrive late, put a big smile on my face and fucking strut my stuff from the door to the bar where they're stood waiting. In The Dress!!!
Her mouth fucking drops open, seriously I nearly laughed!
Friends were smirking and I pretend to not notice anything wrong. Till one friend, who I shall love forever said, "Never mind, nobody will notice, they don't even look the same now they're on, do they?"
She sat sulking in a corner all night and went home early.
Just don't fucking copy, it's bloody weird!!!!!

Raretheyare good for you

Late to this thread..but I know my daughter often wants what her friend has. And vice versa. Isn't that what kids do? Also, my kids have always been given pocket money, which they save, and if they want something, they buy it from their own money. We're certainly not fretting over whether it's been 'copied' or not. There are some toys that probably the whole class have!

This other boy getting the same toy doesn’t take anything away from his toy
Apart, for example, from the sense of achievement from having saved up for something, only to have his friend get it without trying. It devalues the effort put into saving.
You and your son have popular taste.
The exact same thing a few days later, every time, is more than "popular taste".