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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents of Ds's friend annoying.

201 replies

BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 00:51

Really don't know what you'll think of this! Could be just me!
But, every time we get Ds9 a Birthday/Christmas present, within a couple of days his friend has been bought the same thing, even though it's not a Special occasion for him.
We have three kids and it's sometimes a struggle to buy a big gift, Ds has to wait for Special occasions for expensive things and somehow, his friend getting the same gift two days later, takes away the shine for me.
So Ds had an expensive electronics gift which he got with his Christmas money and was chuffed to bits, two days later his friend was bought the same.
It hasn't just happened a couple of times, it's been the last five years and it's every single time Ds gets anything, bike, scooter, electronics etc.
What are his parents thinking by doing this?
AIBU for it to get on my nerves?

OP posts:
User14567891 · 16/03/2018 13:31

Schrodingerstwat

Me too. I’m wondering if s/he is actually a comic genius and just pretending to be unhinged and intellectually challenged.

ShiftyMcGifty · 16/03/2018 13:32

It sounds like the root of the problem is your own child bragging about his new gifts and trying to get his friends jealous.

There’s one in my DS’s class too. DS is always informed whatever new “special” gift this kid has received. Funny enough, he’s got no idea what his other classmates get.

flippyfloppyflower · 16/03/2018 13:35

Back to the original post (leaving the children to argue amongst themselves on the thread)

OP: I fully understand how this would get on your nerves. I would feel the same way (and have done so in the past), Think of it as something that will eventually end as the boys get older and possibly stop being friends. Having a whinge about it is normal despite what other folk might say.

TinyTear · 16/03/2018 13:37

I totally understand as I had similar done to me by my sister.
My parents got her a car for her 18th birthday and when my birthday came along they didn't get me one saying i could borrow hers (as if... only under very limited conditions)

Then when i was my 24th Birthday my parents finally said ok, we will give you a car as you are needing it more (i was happy saving up to move counties, was happy with public transport tbh) so i go and choose a car and model and was very happy they had finally remembered i was also a daughter to the golden child...

so what does dear sister do? decided to upgrade her car, to THE SAME MAKE AND A BETTER MODEL than mine and fucking buys it a week before my birthday!!!!

for fuck's sake, why she couldn't have waited a month I fucking don't know... and breathe...

User14567891 · 16/03/2018 13:46

Back to the original post (leaving the children to argue amongst themselves on the thread)

To be fair, it’s a very silly OP that has produced a very weird thread Grin

SweetMoon · 16/03/2018 13:46

You don't sound jealous or unreasonable op. I think those saying you are, are the type that buy their dc stuff all the time. I do get that it takes away a specialness of presents when it happens all the time as that's how my dd felt when it kept happening to her. Your ds wait excitedly for their special birthday gift and the other child gets the same 'just because'. Your dc proud of their gift but then harry has the exact same now and for no special reason.

If my ds(4) friend got a new scooter for their birthday and my ds loved it and wanted one, they would need to wait for their birthday. I wouldn't go out and buy it a few days after just because ds wanted one and I could afford it. Who actually does that? Unfortunately it seems by this thread, quite a few!!

throwcushions · 16/03/2018 13:47

This thread got a bit weird. Copycat behaviour is irritating but he is only a child and you don't know that the parents are doing this deliberately. They could just be buying him what he asks for. And he is a 9 year old boy - children often copy those they admire. You mentioned your DS isn't that bothered so while I can see while it is irritating I think you need to just let it go.

TalkinBoutWhat · 16/03/2018 14:27

I think if the same thing has been happening after every birthday and Christmas for five years then it has long stopped being a coincidence. There are limits, or there should be, anyway. Buying a scooter, fine. Buying a bike, fine. Upgrading a bike to the exact type of bike that your DS has STRAIGHT AFTER HE GETS IT even though he already has a bike, stops becoming fine.

There is no problem if it happens sometimes. But for it to happen EVERY TIME is weird and yes, 'stalkerish' behaviour. I think some people are missing the point of how extensive this behaviour is.

boxyfingo · 16/03/2018 14:50

I would find this really irritating. I think it shows a real lack of confidence and imagination on the part of the parents of the friend. They sound like social climbers who feel they need to keep up with you - flattering in a way, but really annoying. I wouldn't set them up though as that is mean (although probably very tempting).
To those who are suggesting that your DS is showing off, I don't think that is necessarily the case. Some people are so insecure that they will copy other people whom they see as confident and good decision-makers. When I was a teenager there was a family who copied one thing after another about me for their daughter. I remember it all being quite perplexing and used to wonder "why the hell are they copying us?" when there many more interesting/dynamic families around!

user1490607838 · 16/03/2018 14:50

Phew, some semblance of common sense in the last 3 posts. ^ Smile

user1490607838 · 16/03/2018 14:51

Sorry, I stand corrected, the last FOUR posts have some semblance of common sense!

Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 14:57

So, update! This really makes me wonder if this person has seen this thread.
Bump into one of Ds's other friends Mum.(close friend of parents)
She asks if Ds is enjoying his late Christmas present, (smile)
I say, he loves it (straight face)
She says, Ds's friend got one this weekend (raised eyebrow, smile)
I say that I know ( straight face)
She then goes, don't worry OP they get him the same as all his friends.
The Df is known for having to "out-do" everyone.

Her Dh who is friends with him, has had him buying new Golf Clubs but better when he does and better fishing rods, whenever he does.etc etc.
She said Df is known for it and has always done it.
Didn't say too much, just, "oh really," and " Mmmmm"!
She said that her husband laughs about it but it pisses her off.
Just said, "oh well, what can you do".
I'm just going to forget it now, it's getting too weird.

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 16/03/2018 15:00

She's definitely seen this thread!

Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 15:10

I think so too IWannaSee but if she has, she is pissed off about the same copying with her Ds and Dh.
Makes it a bit better now that it's not just directed at my Ds.

OP posts:
Mookatron · 16/03/2018 15:11

Wow, that kid must get a LOAD of stuff

Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 15:33

Mookatron he does. They buy him something every single weekend but that is their thing and up to them.
But this has actually happened. Ds has old bike but is promised new for Birthday in June. He tells friend, who immediately gets a new bike in March.
No problem!
Ds gets bike in June.
Two days later, friend gets the same bike.
If that's not weird.................

OP posts:
throwcushions · 16/03/2018 15:44

It all sounds a bit sad for the other boy. Have his parents never read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and what happens when you spoil a child?

Anyway, it sounds like your DS has an emotionally mature response to this, much to his credit, and can see past the materialism to not let it bother him. Good on him!

upsideup · 16/03/2018 15:50

How did they know what bike your DS got? Did you both go round saying saying how amazing it was? Its not weird your son I got this really cool bike its amazing, their son went home and said I want this really cool bike its amazing and he got it.
Its how it is with kids, thats why they have huge crazes like slime and fidget spinners, one kid comes to school showing it off and then another kid sees it and wants it. If you and your son are really set on this kid not getting the same thing then just dont tell them what he is getting.

Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 15:55

throw cushions I'm really feeling sorry for the boy.

Especially as he told Ds that the gadget he had got recently, (two days after Ds's delayed Christmas present) was a Mothers Day present and the gadget belonged to her not him.
It sounds as if the boy feels a bit weird about it but can't stop his Df from going ahead and getting it for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 16:01

upsideup No, we didn't both go around to the boys house saying, look at my bike, how amazing.

We are neighbours and the boys play out together, so his friend would have seen it then.
Ds also had a Birthday party and the Df would have seen the bike then.
upsideup you seem to be trying to twist this around that my Ds is a show off and goading the boy into buying the same things.
This is far from the truth! Ds is so laid back and not like that, it's a joke.

OP posts:
upsideup · 16/03/2018 16:08

I wasnt saying it as in does it in a bad way, most kids will tell their friends what they got for the birthday and say positive things about it if they like it. Even if hes just using using his present in front of the other boy and presumably pleased and happy with it, the other boy will see and think that bike looks amazing I want one like. Presumably your son must of seen the bike somewhere to decide its the one he likes too.

Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 16:16

Yes upsideup my son did see the bike he wanted, in the store, when we went to buy it with him.
Did you not read the previous post?
The friend heard my Ds was getting a new bike for his Birthday.
The boy was bought a new bike within a couple of days in March.
My son got his bike for his Birthday in June.
Two days later the boys parents buy him the exact same bike even though he had a new one only 3 months before.

OP posts:
upsideup · 16/03/2018 16:19

Yes I read that, I really wouldnt be bothered about it, the majority of children have and want bikes, he saw your sons bike thought it was cool and asked for one as well. Its not like hes trying to find out where you DS buys his shampoo and pants from.
Would you of cared if the boy had got the same bike for christmas months later but had asked for it because he saw your son on it and liked it?

Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 16:22

I give up!!!!!

OP posts:
TalkinBoutWhat · 16/03/2018 16:29

Buffy, stop trying to persuade people who just can't get it. If they have never been subjected to it, they can't honestly see the difference between what you're going through and the normal buying of items for kids.

Trying to get through to them is as pointless as comprehending the parent's behaviour. Enough people DO understand.