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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents of Ds's friend annoying.

201 replies

BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 00:51

Really don't know what you'll think of this! Could be just me!
But, every time we get Ds9 a Birthday/Christmas present, within a couple of days his friend has been bought the same thing, even though it's not a Special occasion for him.
We have three kids and it's sometimes a struggle to buy a big gift, Ds has to wait for Special occasions for expensive things and somehow, his friend getting the same gift two days later, takes away the shine for me.
So Ds had an expensive electronics gift which he got with his Christmas money and was chuffed to bits, two days later his friend was bought the same.
It hasn't just happened a couple of times, it's been the last five years and it's every single time Ds gets anything, bike, scooter, electronics etc.
What are his parents thinking by doing this?
AIBU for it to get on my nerves?

OP posts:
Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 16:35

TalkinBoutWhat
Thank goodness "Enough people DO understand".

OP posts:
londonista · 16/03/2018 16:35

Yeah Buffy I honestly wouldn't bother trying to argue each point with those few people that disagree with you.
There are some people on this thread who could quite easily start an argument in an empty room.

SweetMoon · 16/03/2018 16:39

Lol. Yes upsidedown because a new bike followed by another new bike is EXACTLY the same as a fidget spinner craze or a pot of slime Confused. Apart from the hundreds of pounds difference in price that is Grin

Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 16:41

I get ya! londonista!
You just get to wonder if you're not explaining properly.

OP posts:
TalkinBoutWhat · 16/03/2018 16:42

Its not like hes trying to find out where you DS buys his shampoo and pants from.

What's the bet that after a mufti day this kid gets a whole lot of new clothes bought for him that are identical to what his friends wore on the mufti days..... or will soon once he starts caring as much about appearance than gadgets.

upsideup · 16/03/2018 16:45

Why post in AIBU if you only want to be told you are being reasonable? You said in your OP Really don't know what you'll think of this! Could be just me! So you expected that others were not going to agree with you.

TalkinBoutWhat · 16/03/2018 16:54

Of course other people can think she's unreasonable, but to keep trying to change their minds is futile. If enough people on an AIBU think she is being entirely reasonable to be annoyed then the ones who don't shouldn't matter, especially when they downplay what she is actually getting upset about.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 16/03/2018 18:00

I guess that some people in life are leaders and trendsetters and others are followers. The benefit for your ds is that he knows what he wants and doesn't just do something because his friends do. That will benefit him in the teenage years when there is lots of peer pressure to conform.

Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 19:06

Thanks shouldwestay, he is a lovely, kind boy and has been made a Playground Monitor as he is very fair in sorting out any arguments and problems. One instance is, a Mum came up to me and praised him for standing up to some bullies who had her mentally challenged boy cornered.
I asked him after what he'd done and he told me he stood in front of the boy and told them, No! Stop now! and they did.
I only say this, as some people have unfairly made him out to be a swaggering, bragger. This is so far from him, it's ridiculous.
Any way, Thank You to all who have said IANBU.

OP posts:
PorkFlute · 16/03/2018 19:20

Yabu. My kids would be delighted if their friends got the same toys as them if they liked them. They could go on their scooters together, play on their consoles when they were at their house etc. Your child isn’t going to be the only one to have the toys they have and of course his friend is more likely to be into the same things as him.
It sounds like you’re jealous that your sons friend gets to get toys when it isn’t a special occasion when plenty of children do if their parents are well off. If I had the money and my children asked for things I knew would be used I wouldn’t hesitate. It’s really none of your business op and you’re bringing your child up with a strange attitude if toys have less value because others have them. Unless the only value is in gloating to your friends who don’t have the toy it really shouldn’t matter.

Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 20:54

MARK TWAIN said,

Never argue with stupid people,
They will drag you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

OP posts:
LeighaJ · 16/03/2018 20:58

Your son's friend's parents aren't doing their son any favours, he'll grow up and find out that he doesn't always get what he wants and won't know how to handle it.

PorkFlute · 16/03/2018 21:04

Are you advising people not to argue with you op as it’s not clear?
What timescale would you find acceptable for when a friend can buy the same toy your child has?
I’m not sure how it affects you at all? If someone has enough money to buy a new bike when their child has recently had one what impact does that have on you? You say it’s not jealousy so how does your neighbours lavish spending or the fact their child wants the same toys his friend impact you or him in any way? Why does it ‘take the shine’ off you getting your child a gift. Surely your child enjoying their gift is ‘the shine’ not your neighbours child not having it. Genuinely baffling!

Original poster
BuffyBee · 16/03/2018 21:07

Only stupid people Pork

OP posts:
ShiftyMcGifty · 16/03/2018 21:38

Bravo for your self-awareness.

TwoDrifters · 16/03/2018 21:39

PorkFlute How would you feel if you had a friend that instantly copied every new and exciting purchase you made for yourself over a 5-year period? And turned up at all of your hobbies?

Flattered and happy to be “into the same things” or irritated by their lack of originality and annexing of your individuality?

Categoric · 16/03/2018 21:44

I feel sorry for the little boy who gets everything his friends have. How is anything ever going to feel special? It is not good for anyone to be constantly getting new things or good for the planet either. How can he play with all those toys? And it’s frankly just bad manners to copy another child’s birthday present immediately. Would you really buy your child the same present s their friend within a week? I wouldn’t. I would tell my child to wait for their birthday or until they had earned a treat.

PorkFlute · 16/03/2018 21:48

Well it can only happen twice a year since the op only gets toys at birthdays and Christmas so stalking is a bit of a stretch!
But what do I know since me and everyone else on here who disagree with the op —who definitely isn’t jealous of her neighbours income— are stupid 😂

frasier · 16/03/2018 22:13

I've seen this in action. Friends child comes home: "Johnny has an x, can I have one?" Parents: Yes of course you can.

It's wasn't malicious or anything with the people I knew, they just didn't want to upset their child.

easypeasylife · 16/03/2018 22:13

OP sorry but YABU and sound as if you want some sort of speshul status reserved for your son. It does seem that this is your issue, you have repeatedly talked about Special presents and seem annoyed that you have to save for things whilst this family doesn't.

This has happened with us numerous times and we laugh about how petty it seems. It doesn't take the 'shine off' or detract from your child in any way.

Motoko · 17/03/2018 01:57

God, some people are so dense, or being obtuse. Because it's totally normal to buy a child the same bike as their friend, even though your child only had a new bike 3 months before.

No wonder so many children are becoming entitled teenagers.

Greensmurfterf · 17/03/2018 07:49

Totally understand your feelings BuffyBee.Years ago my OH bought me something unusual, I showed it to my friend who was really uninterested and i was a bit disappointed in her reaction. A week later she owned the very same thing!

I was really annoyed about it, perhaps unreasonable to some but it took away the specialness of it.

TIRFandProud · 17/03/2018 10:53

annexing of your individuality

lol

bsbabas · 17/03/2018 17:58

The parents are trying to make sure he fits in and doesn't miss out on anything

mikulkin · 17/03/2018 18:06

I just laugh at these threads when OP comes and asks AIBU, some people say yes you are, and then OP answers, you are really strange and don’t understand anything in this life because I cannot be unreasonable.
Good luck to you OP and your DS.
Did it occur to you that this friend’s parents don’t really think about your DS or his birthday gift. They just buy their son what he asks because they want to and can afford doing so.
When my DS was younger and came home asking me for something because he saw it at his friends’ I just bought that for him when I could afford it. I never even wondered when and how his friends got this thing in the first place. Maybe that was their birthday gift maybe it was their Christmas present or maybe they just had it on ordinary day. Never asked the question. And yes my DS is the only child.