Parents of Ds's friend annoying.

[BuffyBee]

Really don't know what you'll think of this! Could be just me!
But, every time we get Ds9 a Birthday/Christmas present, within a couple of days his friend has been bought the same thing, even though it's not a Special occasion for him.
We have three kids and it's sometimes a struggle to buy a big gift, Ds has to wait for Special occasions for expensive things and somehow, his friend getting the same gift two days later, takes away the shine for me.
So Ds had an expensive electronics gift which he got with his Christmas money and was chuffed to bits, two days later his friend was bought the same.
It hasn't just happened a couple of times, it's been the last five years and it's every single time Ds gets anything, bike, scooter, electronics etc.
What are his parents thinking by doing this?
AIBU for it to get on my nerves?

Just talk to him as in your DS and explain that all families work different and if he got everything anytime, nothing would be particularly special would it?

I have the same issues with my older DS who have two very spoilt friends who get whatever they want whenever they want. Their priorities differ from ours and they are not going to change their ways and we're not going to change ours. They're still nice boys though and good friends

The kid doesn't sound very confident. He also sounds like he is impressed by your ds and wants to be like him.

Does your ds actually like the lad?

Well life isn’t fair, and it’s a fairly innocuous way for your son to learn that.

YouTheCat Yes! my Ds really likes the friend and is more chilled than me about the copying, although he does notice it.
I have never mentioned my irritation to my Ds and try to explain that the friend just wants to be like him.
As some have mentioned it is probably that the friend is an only one and his parents are compensating for this.

Just talk to him as in your DS and explain that all families work different and if he got everything anytime, nothing would be particularly special would it?
This ^^.

God I so relate OP. My SIL always buys a gift for my son for xmas, his bday, and then on the day reveals she also bought same thing for her daughter as well, pretty much ensuring it no longer feels like a special exclusive treat. And if my son has a toy given to him from another person, she goes straight on Amazon and buys it for her kids right then and there. Like, a £70 Lego set! I just find it weird. I love my SIL but she has absolutely zero awareness that this is a bit off.

TBF, I think it bothers me way more than my son, but even so.

If it's really bothering your son you could suggest he stops telling this boy when he gets something new.

i get it and i dont i suppose. I mean - its like a name. If you gave birth and named named your son Blake then a pregnant friend giving burth a week later named their son Blake too - would you get upset? Probably - but you dont own the name Blake. Just as you cant really tell your friends not to buy XYZ for their children just because youve (or your son) had to save up to buy theirs - you have no ownership of said thing. Yes - some people have the means to simply buy things without having to save but thats life.

It sounds like this is affecting you more. If son seems affected - i would just say that said friends wants to be like him so much that he copies everything - Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

My DS has a friend who can't give a birthday present without his parents giving their son the same present at the same time. Apparently the child insists on it. It always makes me laugh, I think their child is going to grow up entitled and spoilt, without an appreciation for gifts or the need to work for things you want.

Do you realise how crazy you would sound if you approached his parents about this and said I don't want you to buy your son x toy because it will take the shine off my son having it...they will think you are a snowflake

Yep this is the most insane and pathetic thread I have read in a long time, why would you enable and encourage your son to be bothered by this. He is not the only boy in the world who is allowed to get a bike, should all other parents wait a few months so your son can enjoy the full shine of his new bike alone for a bit.
Its hardly like the child is getting the same haircut and wearing the exact same outfits as your son, electronics, scooters etc are pretty standard things that most kids want.
DD's friend got a skateboard for her birthday, they went out on played with it together and dd said she would like to try skateboarding so we went and got her a skateboard they now go out together on them, if her parent came and told me that i stole her childs 'shine' I wouldnt be able not to laugh at her.

Maybe the father had nothing as a child and so felt left out so now he doesn’t want his child to he left out/be made fun of for not having x y or z etc?? Childhood trauma/issues really affect how people parent.
I go totally overboard on my kids birthday parties as I never had one!!

londonista Yes! you get it.

I think it probably has to happen to you over and over again for five years for you to be able to understand how annoying and weird it is.
I really don't care how much and how many toys this child has.
Its the getting the same thing that my D's has been bought for a Special day within a day, every single time.

upsideup
I have never said that I would approach the parents and ask them not to buy their Ds xyz.
It was someone else I believe.
I wouldn't dream of it.

YANBU. My dd had a friend like this, only child, spoilt absolutely rotten. Was bought anything they demanded including stuff my dd was given or bought herself days later which made my dd feel a bit sad as either she or me had saved and sacrificed to get things.

However on a positive note, dd is now a very well balanced and caring, lovely teen and her friend is the most obnoxious entitled little madam going. They are no longer friends because by being spoilt, those parents really have spoiled that poor child. It's called spoiling for a reason.

So just be assured your child will grow up just fine op.

I also do not encourage my Ds to be irritated by this. If you read the thread I actually make excuses for it when he notices.

that's annoying but unfortunately there's not alot you can do about it

SweetMoon I agree!

I have never said that I would approach the parents and ask them not to buy their Ds xyz. I wouldn't dream of it.

Good so at least you realise how crazy you are for being bothered by this.

I agree - nowhere has the OP said she's going to approach the parents about it. It's got nothing to do with her, but she has every right to privately annoyed about it.

I do exchange an eye-roll with my husband when I see my SIL routinely scanning the bar code of my son's gift into the Amazon app, but I'd never say anything as she has a really well paid, high stress job, and for whatever reason she feels she needs to do this for her kids to make up for not being around that much. I can already see my nieces becoming quite entitled. The eldest one said to my son last year (they were 7) "Oh you still leave money out for tooth fairy? I don't have to do it, I get to keep the tooth and mum gives me the money anyway." I did feel a pang at that as I feel like she's missing out on a nice part of childhood, those very special treats you get out of the blue.
But anyway, their choice.

Trinity yes, it is annoying! There is nothing I can do about it and I never would but this particular time it just got me really irritated.

UpsideUp - you're entitled to your opinion, just as the OP is. And I'm entitled to disagree with it. Notice I've not been so rude as to call YOU crazy.

upsideup
Are you my Ds's friends parent ? 😂😂😂😂

Ds has to wait for Special occasions for expensive things and somehow, his friend getting the same gift two days later, takes away the shine for me.

They can get their child what they like. Sorry but I think that allowing it to take the shine off for you is a bit silly. It would make me laugh tbh.

Yanbu op. You have articulated perfectly well what the issue is and anyone on this thread who "does not get it" is seriously lacking in the ability to think/imagine/empathise.

Yuck. Sounds like his parents are just giving him whatever he wants -
child: oh by my friend has one so why can't I...
parents: oh go on then.