AIBU to think some people should just grow up

[ithinksheisawuss]

Details changed and I’ve name changed to stop it being identifiable.

AIBU to think some people just need to grow up and get on with it at work?

I work in a busy fast paced environment. It’s a big office with two distinct areas. On one side are the sales people this is high stress and loud, on the other side is the support staff area which is much gentler. The support staff are mainly older women, the sales staff are a mixed bunch.

The sales side is very robust, lots of swearing and mickey taking. Some days people let off steam by shouting we all just laugh and get on with it, no one takes offence. When someone shouts we laugh at them then they laugh and the tension breaks. We need this release sometimes.

Anyway, one of the support ladies lady S was doing a job at the sales end of the office colleague A put the phone down and started to shout. Lady S asked a question of colleague A and colleague A shouted. She didn’t shout at lady S - she was just shouty iyswim.

Lady S has put in a formal complaint saying she has been bullied and colleague A was unprofessional. Colleague A often behaves like this it’s her passion that makes her good at her job.

If all the sales staff behaved in the quiet demure way the support staff do no sales would get made! But the whole support area is up in arms about poor lady S.

TBH I think lady S is a bit of a wuss but I am wondering if I am too harsh. Colleague A is really valuable to the business, lady S is easily replaceable.

I've already clearly stated that bullying is not okay.

The problem I have with you OP is that you have admitted that your opinion on the situation or your admin colleagues has not changed one iota from your opening post - you wouldn't like my opinion on you as a person for that.

I'm sure any of the many sales people who posted on this tread and who may be reading it will not be adversely effected by the comments, the vast majority of them were appalled at the behaviour of you and your team, were supportive of your admin colleagues and distanced themselves from your version of 'sales teams'.

You moderate your behaviour depending on who you are dealing with.

So.........
The Chief Executive normally gets direct communication, short sentences and one word answers
The support staff get a more touchy feely approach
The sales staff get as good as they get because they are generally emotionally immature

Perhaps you could try this approach?

For fucks sake OP are you this whiney at work? If you work in a 'fast paced' environment, you will really need to toughen up if a little bit.

Quickly before I go out.

RedDogs your comments are robust and clear. You don’t like the behaviour, you don’t like my attitudes. Fine. I am happy to take comments like your on the chin and not whine.

However, some other posters called me names, swore at me, belittled me and many have slagged off jobs I don’t even do! I am NOT distressed but in relation to another thread I pose the question when does the bully become the bullied.

Is it ok to watch someone be bullied if you don’t like them or it is on line.

Will one of you address that question?

Honestly op? I don't think you have been bullied. The comment which directly swore at you was reported and deleted.

For me, I'd hate to work in that sort of environment.

OP, this is meant in the nicest possible way to you and your team:

Oi who brought Ebbw Vale into it

When I was in my 20s so about 18 years ago I worked for a high street bank in the regulated sales team. Very high pressured, sales driven role. Very much 'allowed' to get away with anything as long as we achieved targets.

Until we weren't.

An admin support staff (PA to area manager) reported a senior, high flying member of the sales team for a throwaway comment he made at the photocopier. He was suspended and then sacked.

For context when the twin towers came down while we attended an area meeting the area sales manager made some pretty vile comments which were reported but he got a slap on the wrists so the culture definetly changed rapidly. And this was at least 18 years ago.

Things change. You need to move with the times.

GriefLeavesItsMark

For fucks sake OP are you this whiney at work? If you work in a 'fast paced' environment, you will really need to toughen up if a little bit.

The reaction from the OP is quite odd in view of the shenanigans of the team.
Weird.

Will one of you address that question?

You seem disingenuous in asking it. You had zero concern for a colleague who it sounds like may have been bullied, or at least treated without respect. You got a robust response on here and suddenly you are concerned about possible unknown sales staff who might be offended by reading this. It doesn’t ring true.

Your question seems like a attempt to divert attention away from your own behaviour/statements, rather than a genuine desire for a discussion about bullying.

It seems to me, OP, that you just don’t know the rules of this thread. It’s all just bantz, innit? I’ll ask everyone tone it down when people like you are around.

You have not been bullied. AIBU is robust as you must have known before you posted your charming OP.

The hypocrisy is breathtaking.

This is typical with bullies. They’re fine with dishing it out, but cannot stand it when they’re faced with criticism themselves.

They’re fine with dishing it out, but cannot stand it when they’re faced with criticism themselves

oh the irony. Pot Kettle...

This is AIBU at its best actually. There hasn't been any actual bullying, posters have simply told the OP the truth as they see it, that the behaviour of her 'team' isn't acceptable for a work environment. Despite her complaint, there's been no actual rudeness, the one post that crossed the line was deleted. It's been mild compared to some threads I've seen.

If you ask the question on here, OP, you need to be prepared for a robust answer; it just wasn't the one you were looking for.

I guess you get what you give!

393 posts and you've picked out the handful of mildly rude responses (and yes being called a twat is mild!). The vast vast majority were simply versions of "sounds awful, glad I don't work there".

I do acknowledge OP that you've taken some of the comments on board (doubt it will make any difference in reality tho), but did you apologise for the sneery and bullying tone of your original posts? If so I missed it. Even your username was intended to goad.

They should grow up

You are a cunt.

Mild?

My behaviour was poor - no avoidance.

My behaviour was poor - no diversion.

Faced with criticism- yep you might have a point.

No actual rudeness “ you are a twat” hmmmm?

I have faced up to what I did the “I am the kettle”it is the pots who need to look at their behaviour.

So the answer to my question is “ you get what you are given “ so it is ok to bully the bullies. If you have done something wrong you deserve to be bullied.

OP, the 'you are a cunt' one was bullying but someone else reported it and it was deleted. The other post didn't say, 'You are a twat', it said, 'You sound like a bunch of twats', which isn't at all the same thing. And it's mild compared to a lot of what you get on AIBU. I have seen bullying here, but I wouldn't say I've seen it on this thread. It's been robust, true, but not out of order as a response to your sneering thread title.

Bullying usually involves an imbalance of power and repetition. I don’t think you’ve been bullied here. Being insulted as a one off is not bullying, even if it is unacceptable.

God you all sound like a bunch of twats

You sound like a bunch of twats is so much better than you are a bunch of twats.

No ones else concerned about people in sale being called plebs, the lowest of the low or saying sales isn't a profession?

Anyone in Ebbw Vale have an opinion.

Not hypocrisy I DON'T CARE, it is a post related to a thread about when the bully becomes the bullied. Although the fact that posters are so reluctant to answer the post is the response.

No one responding to "it's on line" so it doesn't count.
No one responding to "sales isn't really a profession"
No one responding to " it's not at work so you can be sworn at"

I read the whole thread (maybe should have taken notes because I really can't be bothered to read it again)

I understood the original incident as Colleague A slamming the phone shouting something like (I imagine) "Oh for fuck sakes" or something in that spirit, followed by another shout, which we can all try to guess, more generic swear words I imagine?. Colleague A being then on the receiving end of a formal complaint for bullying, for having shouted in the presence of colleague S.

When you see how irate posters get on here for having a post removed for being sweary or generally abusive, I imagine that most people would be annoyed to have to deal with a complaint like that, even if most of us wouldn't swear at work, fair enough.

The level of abuse that has come on this thread in personal attacks against the OP, against her job (even if we still have no idea what she does, office "sales" is a fairly wide area, sales people is your usual AIBU fest.

What I find funny is how defensive the bullies are now, and why they even bother trying to defend themselves if they don't believe they did acted like a bunch of bullies. The fact that the OP doesn't seem to care doesn't mean it's not bullying. That's AIBU for you, that's why we read it!

Oh Ikeepafork you have ruined all my fun. You sum it up really well and point out that the fact that I don’t feel bullied means it is not bullying. Now you have pointed it out they can all pile in again.

And if bullying is bad when you do it to nice people it is still shit when you do it to people you don’t like.