AIBU to think some people should just grow up

[ithinksheisawuss]

Details changed and I’ve name changed to stop it being identifiable.

AIBU to think some people just need to grow up and get on with it at work?

I work in a busy fast paced environment. It’s a big office with two distinct areas. On one side are the sales people this is high stress and loud, on the other side is the support staff area which is much gentler. The support staff are mainly older women, the sales staff are a mixed bunch.

The sales side is very robust, lots of swearing and mickey taking. Some days people let off steam by shouting we all just laugh and get on with it, no one takes offence. When someone shouts we laugh at them then they laugh and the tension breaks. We need this release sometimes.

Anyway, one of the support ladies lady S was doing a job at the sales end of the office colleague A put the phone down and started to shout. Lady S asked a question of colleague A and colleague A shouted. She didn’t shout at lady S - she was just shouty iyswim.

Lady S has put in a formal complaint saying she has been bullied and colleague A was unprofessional. Colleague A often behaves like this it’s her passion that makes her good at her job.

If all the sales staff behaved in the quiet demure way the support staff do no sales would get made! But the whole support area is up in arms about poor lady S.

TBH I think lady S is a bit of a wuss but I am wondering if I am too harsh. Colleague A is really valuable to the business, lady S is easily replaceable.

Ok @ithinksheisawuss that comment was nasty and bullying. Are you ok? Personally I think you're a bit of a wuss for not being able to stand up for yourself. I mean, it's only a bit of bantz isn't it? I'm sure a person with your wit and humour is more than capable of shaking that off!

Someone reported the “you are a cunt”comment MN removed it but no one pointed out it was a bullying comment.

Thats what the report button is for. Though apparently you can 'stand your ground' so why would anyone else feel the need to point out it's 'bullying' I don't know. They're too busy crying.

As I said ginger I don’t mind but other people who read it and do a similar job might be upset.

Also, we shout but nobody says “ you are a cunt”. You happy with that as a comment are you?

And again, I changed my username because I am identifiable and I don’t want a connection made for her sake I couldn’t give a fuck.

I love you guys - the bantzs eh?!!

Op you and your team just sound like a bunch of twats to be honest - oh no sorry that doesn't mean I agree.

That much is clear @ithinksheisawuss

Also, we shout but nobody says “ you are a cunt”. You happy with that as a comment are you?*

I'd hazard a bet a good proportion of the sales team will go to the pub after work and say exactly that. Like I said, this isn't work. People will use language on MN that they won't use in the office.

And I THINK I just agreed it was nasty and bullying. So clearly no I don't, and neither did others because that's why it was deleted. Doh!

Nope Althea we don’t shout names at people.

ginger you ok with the twat comments ?

OP: haha this woman is a wuss she should just suck it up because she can't take the bantz right?

MN: no that sounds like a shit work environment.

OP: you're all mean and I hate you. I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings

MN YEAH OK

I'm certainly taking exception to your assertion that a colleague is a wuss because she doesn't appreciate your sense of humour.
Regarding the term 'twat'...

Well as the old saying goes, 'if the cap fits...'

The tone of the whole thread was set by your own opening post, OP, it was sneery, judgemental and reeked of contempt for your admin colleague. You then further alienated your audience with your defence of how superior you and the sales team are and how the mere admin staff should be ever so grateful to you all because you're sales you make the money, you are special.

No, bullying isn't acceptable and you state you are holding a mirror to some posters on here, but have you held that mirror up to yourself and read your own comments in the light of what posters have said? Do you still think your admin colleague is a 'wuss', do you still think she needs to 'grow up', do you still think she should get down on her knees and thank you and your team for her bonus, do you still think your descriptions of her and the rest of the admin team are fair and reasonable?

I’ve not said I hate anyone. I’ve said in relation to another thread about bullying if one person is unpopular and behaves in a way people don’t like is it ok to bully them?

I have not said “ stop it you are all being mean”. I’ve said repeatedly I have listened to the comments and will change behaviour. I am interested in the comments and jokes people made (dwarf tossing lol) I am happy to be roasted. I’m saying the name calling is a bit ott.

Also in schools they teach about cyber bullying and we were taught it was just as bad. On MN name calling and swearing is ok because it is on line and not in a work place.

OP. That was a bit of artistic licence poppet. Just a bit of lighthearted humour. Lighten up! (That was irony by the way!)

Name calling (aka personal attacks) are NOT ok on MN, which is why you should report and they will be deleted. It doesn’t matter who is on the receiving end of the attacks. They are not ok / allowed on here.

I do find the rude and offensive personal attacks against the OP (twat, cunt? is that necessary really?) quite ironic on this thread. It does prove a point, but probably not the ones the bullies think.

It remind me of that old Big Brother serie where a celebrity thought she was right and funny in her attacks against a bollywood star, until she got removed from the house for being a bully.

Reddogs I can see how posters thought that, I have listened to the comments. I have not really changed my opinions but I will have enough sense to not let them show. Also I will be more careful around other people who are more sensitive. I am happy to admit we need to adjust behaviour in the light of MN. Some of the comments were harsh but fair, some of the jokes were funny.

The name calling was a bit much and it just interests me that all the people crusadeing for justice for lady S were happy to stand by and read those posts.

OP is utterly beyond any hope of self-awareness.

You haven't changed the opinions you expressed in your opening and subsequent posts, you still hold that view of your admin colleague and are just not going to let your contempt show, is that right?

Grief Succinct and witty (the OP won't get it tho).

The name calling was a bit much and it just interests me that all the people crusadeing for justice for lady S were happy to stand by and read those posts.

They weren’t. Someone reported the one which was a personal attack and that’s why it was deleted.

So when you say you've reflected on the messages on here - what you mean is not that you've reflected and think you need to revisit your views but you've reflected, you're still going to think "she is a wuss" but you're going to hide this feeling so its not as evident... well that'll work

Lots of people hold opinions that if they expressed them out loud would offend people. Part of being civilised is learning when to keep your mouth shut. How often do you look at someone and think an opinion that you wouldn’t say.

So I’m going to adjust my behaviour near some people who have different values and attitudes. I may not be sensitive but I am self aware enough to know I need to shut up sometimes. MN has made it clear I need to behave.

Can I just clarify according to this thread it is wrong to shout near people but online you can call them names, belittle them, swear at them and patronise them (poppet) as long as you think they are a bully who deserves it. You can do and say what you like to people you think deserve it.

Please be self aware enough to know when to stop. Now would be good.

Oh and if you think someone is a bully you can also make out they are stupid “ the OP won’t get it” make jokes about all sales people and say all sales people are plebs and the lowest of the low.

And btw the “twat” comments are still there.

If bullying is wrong it’s wrong. If it’s fine then I can carry on as before.