To think that these days a baby is for life, not just for school years!

[boboismylove]

I'm just wondering about the general attitude towards your children potentially living with you until circa 30/ have a housing deposit saved?

For me, looking at the current state of things in the country, I fully expect my DS to be living with me for a long time after graduation, and am planning accordingly. Ie, I hope to buy within a couple of years, and will aim to buy in a city with decent unis and jobs in case my DS can't afford to move out, and if I ever come across extra money I will put it towards potential post-grad fees. I wouldn't have any more kids unless situation drastically changes because I won't be able to give the same support to all, ect...

I see this as part of a duty as a mum, rather than doing him any "favours", and was something I took into consideration when I was pregnant. Although of course I would be so happy if he was independent and successful younger!

Also in my DS's dad's culture its the norm for kids to live with their parents until they (save enough) to get a place and then get married.

I know many people don't see things this way for example, for example my parents were fully expecting us to be independent at 18.

Just wondering people's thoughts on this?

OP I think another aspect of this is to do with maturing and learning to stand on one's own feet and find solutions. I am not sure about you, but before marrying I went out with men who had been independent from uni and those who had stayed at home or relied on parents financially and good gosh the difference was phenomenal. The men who had been independent were more mature, more confident, more adult, more reliable, better company, better able to manage own money and emotions.

I sincerely hope my kids aren't stuck at home with us until they're 30. I left home as soon as I could and I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to live at home as an adult. We started saving uni funds when our DC were born and if it comes to it we'll help them buy somewhere. Living with flatmates or at least being independent in your 20s is important IMO. You need to learn to manage on your own, pay your own bills, do your own laundry, before it's time to settle down. That transition to adulthood and time spent as a single person is important for development IME and I think this generation and the next will be unprepared for life's challenges if they're deprived of that rite of passage.

Everyone is different, even when I was in my 20’s everyone was different. I Went to local uni and left home at 24 when I married, we rented and had two DD’s by 26, bought house when we were in late 30’s. My sis left for uni and never returned, she rented, met husband and bought at 28, now early 50’s and 3 adult kids owns 2 properties outright. My bro stayed at parents until he was 33 and bought a house and was mortgage free when he was 43, he lives alone and hasn’t any kids. My eldest DD moved out at 18 and rented for a couple of years and then bought at 20 with fiancé. Younger DD lived at home until she was 21, moved out when her DD was 15 weeks old and only because we were moving. She is still renting at 32 and happy to so.

My children will only move out when they are ready...I am hoping it will be before their 30 though!! Obviously I will always put a roof over their head but would not mother them into adulthood. I would hate the idea of them not progressing in life because they had it so easy at home!

Probably planning for DS to live at home whilst at uni but thankfully no fees to be paid as fingers crossed Scotland will continue to not charge fees to Scottish children

But after that he is out of here! He has a nice trust fund already set up by the grandparents so will have enough for deposit once has employment

I can't imagine university not involving travelling away from home and living with others. But I imagine if my dc go to university it will be one of the ones in our city, and they'd stay at home. I wouldn't want them to not move out until it was with a girlfriend though.

My kids didn’t ask to be born and especially not into a crap economic climate with insane house prices . I expect to support them until they are financially comfortable . I will financially assist when they need it and will help them buy property as long as they aren’t sitting on their butts being lazy .
Why would I want them to have a hard life .
They can stay at home as long as they like .... doesn’t bother me . Life is for enjoying and I want them to enjoy it not struggle .

My eldest (27) went to uni came home, moved out to rent with gf at 24 & now has own home and business! He's travelled with school, us, mates and fiance. He works hard and has fun and apart from supporting him through uni has done it on his own. He had a paper round at 13, couple different retail jobs and worked while at uni. Spent loads, had fun and now is settling a bit with their own home. Other child still at home but think they will blow their income on travel, concerts and trainers for a couple years before considering moving out. I left home at 20 and lived on my own in a bedsit, then flat. Worked 2 jobs and went on clubbing hols with friend. Met oh at one of my jobs so started saving and we bought a house and got married with no help from anyone else money wise. Dearly hope my second DC moves out before 30 as I will be too old to enjoy the peace by then

I have 3 adult DDs and none live with us. 2 of them live in the USA.

My sons 31 and 23 could not afford to move out yet. We have converted the loft into 2 v large rooms and a shower room. They live there. They do their own laundry, cook some of their own meals, come and go as they please, cleaning own rooms, and pay a fair contribution towards household bills. They also save some money, youngest is better saver than eldest. When they have saved 7/8% we will make it up to 10% and pay legal fees. Having them at home does not bother me as they are not an inconvenience. The problem is eldest is so comfortable he is not too motivated to save/move out.

You’re putting the cart before the horse here. Why do you think he will stay in London? Why do you think he will go to university? And why do you think he will go to uni in his mums home city?

He’s just a baby, you certainly don’t need to think about his university years just yet, as for the expense, he may well opt to go to uni in Aberystwyth or Cardiff rather than London.

I’d find it weird if a guy was still living with his mum at 30 when I was in my 20s. Your ds will chose his own life and that is so much better than being like the son Ronnie Corbett played in an ancient sit-com called Sorry, which is how you’re coming across right now.

@lisahpost My kids didn’t ask to be born and especially not into a crap economic climate with insane house prices . I expect to support them until they are financially comfortable

• exactly my thinking.

I wouldn't be doing his laundry or cooking all the time though - I plan to encourage him to share in these activities as soon as he's able!

I think it's really interesting that a lot of people seem to associate adult children living at home with a loss of independence and moving out at an early stage as an integral right of passage to adulthood. There are cultures where it is the norm for several generations of family to live together. Personally, I think that in the future this will become the norm for many families given the issues facing our society: lack of affordable housing, unsecure and low paid employment, rising food/utilities, high childcare/uni costs, erosion of social welfare, mediocre private pension provision. I think this idea of young adults jetting off on a year travelling etc to find themselves before settling relatively easily into a secure career with good prospects and a salary that can provide both a flat share/living costs and savings for a mortgage will likely become quite unusual. Even flat shares in the main cities are extortionately high and salaries aren't keeping up.

I expect to support them until they are financially comfortable

What if that takes until they are 50?

Sounds wonderful.....
In my world where I've never afforded a mortgage but moved out of home at 16 into private rent that I paid for with the 2 jobs I did, I have never been in a position to put money aside for my only child to get a mortgage!
Sounds awfully like you're mapping your kids life out for them. What happens if they don't want that? Will you be disappointed??

@Scarlet1234 Personally, I think that in the future this will become the norm for many families given the issues facing our society:

Yes exactly, post well put. I was wondering if this was becoming the norm now, hence this tread. But judging by the replies it would seem not yet.

@Purplealienpuke Of course not, just about giving a secure safety net and home.

I think a lot of people are quite judgy on this thread. Life doesn't always go to plan. I left for uni at 19 but had to move back home. I spent most of my early twenties either living in hospital or at home.
I moved out to live with Dh at 27. You never know when your health might take a turn for the worst.
One of the things I've learnt is that life is not a race and we are not all on the same journey. You can't compare yourself to other people. I may not have lived my twenties in the same way as others, living in grotty bedsits and out drinking in clubs. But facing death several times has given me a different perspective on life and forced me to grow up very quickly. I am not a mollycoddled millennial and yet people judge the twenty somethings living at home without even knowing the circumstances.
Comments like this actually made me ashamed about my circumstances when in reality I was very lucky to still be alive, never mind my address!

‘What if that takes until they are 50?’

Then it takes till they are fifty but tbh id likely sort them out with a property before that if they were struggling with low income .

If you are content to have your 30 year old live with you then that is your choice. If your son at 30 is prepared to live with you then again no problem. As long as there is a plan by both of you to enable your son to move on in his life where is the problem. When there wasntvthe same single living people used to lived with parents until they married or moved away for work. Some were well into 20s or 30s. It's just nowadays we expect people to leave home earlier.

Absolutely- they need to pave their own way, to happen upon opportunities and chances, to take risks and to experience life without the “safety net” of their parents. Your kids will then be empowered to realise their own choices, mistakes and achievements, that’s what life’s about, otherwise what’s the point?

Generally speaking, the more emancipated women get in any country or culture, the less common multi-generational living tends to be. In a society where women still do the lions share of housework and child rearing, it feels like a backwards step to go back to such arrangements.

I came to the UK at 16, lived in squats, communes and flat-shares, always with a full time job, until I was able to go to evening classes and eventually on to uni. Worked evenings and weekends through uni. Had an amazing time. No parent in a position to support me.
I now look back at the 90s as the Halcyon days of youth independence. Rents were tiny, jobs fairly easy to come by and, however lowly, there were still better conditions and protections. I have remained in the same city, but just can't see my own kids being able to strike out on their own in that way as the cost of living is too high. Gone are the days when you could rent a room for a fraction of your minimum wage job and still have some money left to put away. In the early 90s I earned something like £150 pw working in a call centre and paid £140 pcm rent in a flat share. Those ratios just don't exist for young people now.

Happy for my boys to stay at home until they get jobs and become financially independant. I fully expect them rent with friends or a partner. I'm not putting any emphasis on them becoming home owners, i don't feel its the be all and end all.

There has been some interesting research (and lots of articles if you Google. This one is from the New York Times www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/us/13generations.html), about how adolescents are taking longer to mature now than they did in the past. So while our GPs and DPs tended to marry young and have DC young and be totally independent in their 20s, that is no longer the case. No way will I let my DC struggle or live in horrible places and no way would I kick them out of home, rather I hope they will choose to strike out and live adult lives and we will help them financially to do so, if they need it. My DSis lived at home until she was 31 and it was really bad for both her mental health and my DM and step-father's marriage (which isn't exactly great at the best of times).

It's not an issue as far as I am concerned; this is their home for as long as they need it - there is not an age limit on being a parent.