To think that these days a baby is for life, not just for school years!

[boboismylove]

I'm just wondering about the general attitude towards your children potentially living with you until circa 30/ have a housing deposit saved?

For me, looking at the current state of things in the country, I fully expect my DS to be living with me for a long time after graduation, and am planning accordingly. Ie, I hope to buy within a couple of years, and will aim to buy in a city with decent unis and jobs in case my DS can't afford to move out, and if I ever come across extra money I will put it towards potential post-grad fees. I wouldn't have any more kids unless situation drastically changes because I won't be able to give the same support to all, ect...

I see this as part of a duty as a mum, rather than doing him any "favours", and was something I took into consideration when I was pregnant. Although of course I would be so happy if he was independent and successful younger!

Also in my DS's dad's culture its the norm for kids to live with their parents until they (save enough) to get a place and then get married.

I know many people don't see things this way for example, for example my parents were fully expecting us to be independent at 18.

Just wondering people's thoughts on this?

I think living at home is really, really sad. I would rather have independence than a house deposit in 2 years.

Also, if they are graduates and get a job paying over 20k - they CAN absolutely rent and saved. I saved £300 a month earning £1700 and paying £1000 for rent and commute. I save £1200 a month earning £2000 a month with £350 rent.

Too many people want to go out for Nando's, coffee, Netflix, gym membership, new clothes and exotic holidays then seem outraged when they don't have money leftover.

"You can't rent and save" is a myth spread by the sorts of people that want to live the London Life and go out for brunches and £100 nights out while on 18k.

If you earn 20k+ and have no dependents, yes you can.

It’s fine to have an open door and say grown up children are welcome home but it’s odd to plan for it and plan for him to spend his 20s at home. Your son doesn’t have to study or live in London or the south east if rents are too bonkers. There are many other places.

I think living at home is really, really sad. I would rather have independence than a house deposit in 2 years.

I think this is a really interesting illustration of differing cultural values.

As I said, I did leave home very early (16), but for some of my family it's the cultural norm for (some) sons never to leave the family home at all, and for (some) daughters to move in with their PILs. And obviously that's changing a lot, but in many cases it's the desirable and wanted thing to do. Some people prize a particular notion of independence, and some people prize a particular notion of family and mutual support and interconnectedness. It's all good, if it's what you want, and if you get a choice.

I do get on really well with my parents but I always knew since I was a teen that I would not live at home.

I lived with friends at uni, then alone and now with my partner. Luckily my rent is currently 1/6th of my income, and I'm frugal AF and save 60% of my salary, but back when it was around 1/2 and I only saved £200 a month, I still wouldn't have considered going back! I love my own space. My partner's sister is ridicuclously dependent - lived at home till she had a mortgage, drives to have dinner with them like 3x a week, phones them to ask how to change a lightbulb or defrost a chicken. I'm sorry but I couldn't live like that.

Bobo, but your assumptions are about money. Many, many people will never earn more than, say, 28k, which I believe is the national average. In that case, what are you going to do? Grow old with your adult son at home so that he never has to make any budgetary choices?

You're forgetting that children move out for other reasons; they just don't want to live with their parents once they're adults themselves. That's the norm, not bunking up with your parents in case you never gather any savings.

I agree- and personally agree with yolo there is something tragic about living at "home" as an adult. Not the culture in our family and has never been even generations back none of our grandparents hung about. Home is there as a back stop or if life went very very wrong, but you go to university or learn a trade and set up your own home - as an adult. Always saw that as the norm tbh.

There's something comorting knowing that whatever happens to your partner or relatives, you would still be able to carry on and cope perfectly fine.

errm, sums not really adding up here. 20,000 is 1,400 after tax. minus 1000 for rent/ bills and commute. That's 400 a month. No student loan deduction yet.

I think living at home is really, really sad. I would rather have independence than a house deposit in 2 years.

Can't you just 'rather have independence' without making the rude comment?

Just because it's not for you doesn't mean you have to be derogatory about people who choose to love at home.

It's not 'really, really sad'. It's just a different choice to the one you make.

"You can't rent and save" is a myth spread by the sorts of people that want to live the London Life and go out for brunches and £100 nights out while on 18k.

That's rubbish.

Why are you assuming rent+ commute = £1000?!? I live in Hertfordshire in the same town as I work (professional grad job). £350. There is life outside London you know.

@whampiece, because it's a public forum and I do think it's really, really sad.

I agree- and personally agree with yolo there is something tragic about living at "home" as an adult.

Are you able to accept that for many people there's something equally as tragic in wanting to shed your family ties as quickly as you can? I imagine that my DS will leave at some point, but he'll leave because there's something better or more exciting or just different than what he has at home. I'd be sad if I'd created the kind of home where he left just to get away from me.

And if their income was 20k, they could find a bedsit in Stratford for like 550. But on 20k I don't know why you'd choose London. The rest of the country is much cheaper to rent.

I think living at home is really, really sad.

you should tell that to the Royal Family and the residents of Kensington Palace :D

I agree- and personally agree with yolo there is something tragic about living at "home" as an adult.

Not half as tragic as the small mindedness on here

Places like Stevenage/Welwyn have loads of jobs and you can get a room in a sharehouse with bills included for about £420.

they could find a bedsit in Stratford
No offense to the local residents, but what on earth is there to do in Stratford? I would have hated living outside a city like London when I first started working, there's always something to do there, and so much
to explore. Unless I was studying I've never spent an evening home in my teens and my 20s.

My adult son could live at home and commute to his job, he has a car. But he chooses to live closer to his work, in a town, where he can go out in the evening and have a social life without his mum asking when he's likely to be back, does he want any washing done, could he pick up some bits for tea, how's the job going, has he made any nice little friends there, do they want to come over for a meal sometime?

If he lived at home I just wouldn't be able to stop myself asking. He's better off where he is (and where I can go and occasionally stay when I want a shopping trip - and then he asks me those very same questions...)

Rent + bills + monthly travel card = 1000 in london. Some people actually have to stay in London for their jobs.

I meant the Stratford in London

My friend rents a nice room there for £550

What job/profession demands you stay in London?

Even banks and Deloitte and law firms have other offices. Pharma companies and software are countrywide, as are all public services and retailers. Even GCHQ is in Cheltenham.

Wow, I never wanted to stay at home past 19, but it was in no way to 'shed my family ties' or get away from my parents.

I still see them a couple of times a week, and text them every day.

But by 19 I was an adult. So I lived like one.

And it's odd predicting that your child will be on a low salary but will HAVE to work in London. Never heard of that. My friends that started on 20k in London chose to work in London - but the sorts of places they worked at (marketing, advertising, recruitment) are countrywide.

It's pretty dam difficult to find a room/ bedsit for 600 in greater london nowdays, including stratford. But yeah, that would increase living expenses to around 500-600. Still not enough to save IMO. Maybe 100 a month. So we are talking...around 10 years to save 10,000. 20 years to save 20,000, enough for a deposit for a 2 bedroom in northern city.

I'm focusing on London, but rent is expensive in other cities also.

What's with all the hostility for wanting to help your child have some kind of security? I want my DS to have an easier life than me, I'm not so bitter than I'd want to go through the same struggles, isn't this how most parents feel?!