To think that these days a baby is for life, not just for school years!

[boboismylove]

I'm just wondering about the general attitude towards your children potentially living with you until circa 30/ have a housing deposit saved?

For me, looking at the current state of things in the country, I fully expect my DS to be living with me for a long time after graduation, and am planning accordingly. Ie, I hope to buy within a couple of years, and will aim to buy in a city with decent unis and jobs in case my DS can't afford to move out, and if I ever come across extra money I will put it towards potential post-grad fees. I wouldn't have any more kids unless situation drastically changes because I won't be able to give the same support to all, ect...

I see this as part of a duty as a mum, rather than doing him any "favours", and was something I took into consideration when I was pregnant. Although of course I would be so happy if he was independent and successful younger!

Also in my DS's dad's culture its the norm for kids to live with their parents until they (save enough) to get a place and then get married.

I know many people don't see things this way for example, for example my parents were fully expecting us to be independent at 18.

Just wondering people's thoughts on this?

Never say never. You don't know how the market forces are going to play out.

We're in Dublin and it's becoming more and more common for well paid professionals with families to move back with their parents to save for a house deposit.

Rent is extortionate (think €2000 a month for 3 bed terrace), you need 20% deposit when buying a house (and you won't see find much for under 350k). The maths just don't add up, even when you're on very decent money.

It's absolutely brutal for all concerned, but the alternative is paying extortionate rent for ever then people suck it up.

she left home at 16, NOT 116!

It just means that they'll, I guess, raise them to feel independent and bold, and ready to step out on their own. To encourage them to follow whatever it is that interests them, not stay home so they can put away £100 a month on a mortgage deposit.

Very clearly it doesn't mean my kids will wake up one morning with me standing over them saying 'time's up'

User - that's interesting, you saying that you need to start saving for uni and a deposit ASAP.

Tons of people on here can't afford mortgages of their own; why should they give up on ever doing that so that their child will have a leg up in 20 years? You only get one life; I honestly think that - AT THE TIME - if my kids need me, I'll absolutely help, but I won't spend my best years frugally putting money away for them when I barely have enough to take them on a caravan holiday in the here and now.

user

Nice if you can afford to do that. I certainly can't. If my DS wants his own place he'll have to pay for it himself and take out loans for uni.

One thing that I found pisses young people off more than anything ( this is age 18-34 age group) is the parents going on about house deposits, settling down, etc. We found this out with DS who very firmly said he would settle down and buy a house when he was ready and it wouldn’t be any time soon as he didn’t know where he wanted to settle and he was quite happy renting at the moment and didn’t want the bother of house maintenance. There is no way he would have lived with us diligently saving his deposit until he was 30. Obviously we would all like our DC to be settled in a house with small mortgage and family, all nice and neat but that is not always what the DC wants

18-24 age group

That’s why I said “if you can”. Obviously not everyone can.
If you are going to save for your child(ren) the earlier you start, the more you can save. That’s common sense isn’t It? I can’t really see anything wrong, or in anyway controversial about saying that.

..and you don't need to 'save for uni' if you are on a very low wage. My kids all got full loans (and even some non-repayable bursaries) because my wage as a single mum was so low.

If I'd put money away when they were born I would be using it to top my pension, because I don't want to be having to move in with them when I'm retired because I'm too poor to pay bills.

In the mid 80s, we were able to buy our first home (3 bed terrace) for either 17k or 27k I can't remember which. My parents bought theirs in the 70s (nice 3 bed semi with huge garden) for 6,700. In 2015 the identical house next door to our first one sold for 150k.
The world has changed so I don't expect my kids to be able to do what I did when I was in my early 20s. It's completely unrealistic.
Loads of my parents' generation lived with their parents while saving for homes. I think my generation was the very fortunate exception.

People should do what they think is best for their families. I’m not going to apologise for wanting to help my kid financially or in any other way, or for planning for that while he’s still small.

I don't think anyone's suggesting you apologise! All I'm saying is, I see it as:

• my housing, etc, as my responsibility
• my kids housing etc, their responsibility

And if I can help I will, but I'm not going to start saving for a mortgage deposit before they're even out of nappies.

Rent is extortionate (think €2000 a month for 3 bed terrace), you need 20% deposit when buying a house (and you won't see find much for under 350k).

I bought what must have one of the cheapest houses in Dublin for 22,500 pounds in the 1990s in a hellhole of an area. Last time I was back it was for sale 350,000 pounds and the area had not improved one iota.

Totally. I'm actually building a 'tiny house' in my garden, in case my DD is ever in a tight spot :-) (I don't have a huge garden. but we might convert out garage. I'm going on a course to learn how to build a complete little home! I hope my DD is confident and independent, but she's also facing a national housing crises and massive uni fees (if she chooses that option.) I've been worrying about that and all the other teenagers, quite honestly :-(

sorry that should have read 350,000 euros

I left to go to uni at 18, had a job lined up before I graduated and never lived at home again. I’d like to think the same could be said for our kids - not because I can’t wait for them to leave home but I think you need to make that break to adulthood and learn some sort of independence. We bought our first home - a one bed flat in se London with a deposit saved entirely by ourselves from our weekend/ holiday jobs that we did from age 16 to end of uni. The wage was £2.50 an hour. So while houses cost more now, kids get paid more than that for part time work. We were 23 when we bought our flat and when we sold it 4.5 years later, we had increased its value by £100k. It enabled us to buy or family home. I think half the problem is that we need to teach our kids that a comfortable home comes a team a price. I’ve just watched my cousin and his girlfriend move into a lovely big, beautifully finished 2 bed up the road from us (it’s a super nice area). They did it thanks to a 200k deposit from my uncle. I went with them to view loads but they turned their noses up at ones they might, with a bit of hard saving, have been able to make a bigger contribution to themselves. Seems to me millennials want everything perfect from the off. They don’t have an interest in fixing something up, sitting on deck chairs until they can afford a sofa (we bathed in an Ikea plastic box for a couple Of months while our bathroom Was being done). I will support my kids of course i will but I’m putting in the ground work now so that hopefully they want to embark on the adventure of achieving things off their own backs and feeling proud (and not indebted) to anyone. I’d rather help as much as I could through to uni so they accumulate as little debt as possible.

YABU. I bet we all wish you were our Mum!

Eek! Strike the YABU!

deposit for a one bed flat in london from weekend and holiday jobs

from 2016: "The average property price in London has now reached £472,163, for which you can buy a small one- or, if you're lucky, two-bedroom flat on the Zone 2/3 borders."

They could, bear with me here.....not live in London? Just a thought.

that was a reply to @pinksplutter

deposit for a one bed flat in london from weekend and holiday jobs

Well they could if they bought less avocado and fewer flat whites, dontcha know?

Bloody Millennials. It's almost as though housing was cheaper proportionate to earnings/students didn't have extortionate fees to pay/wages were higher in real terms when we were young, or something, the way they go on. Crazy talk!

She’s currently 6 and I’m happy for her to live with me until whenever she is ready.
However - I haven’t experienced the teenage year yet and may change my mind!

I agree. I'm throwing money at my mortgage so I can clear it well before the dc's need help with house buying.

Unless my master plan to have high earning dc's pays off in which case they can both build me a granny flat .

I was married and renting at 22, having been to Uni. I didn't anticipate that, and I think my parents thought I'd be living at home for a few years after Uni! It depends on the individual.