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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if her child was a daughter she wouldn’t be dressed like pl

180 replies

HolyGoats · 14/03/2018 14:24

I took dc2 to a toddler swimming session today. In the changing room and a mum comes in with her dc. The mum is very hippyish looking - dreads, piercings, lots of baggy clothes etc. Her dc is in a pink frilly dress, wearing a sparkly sort of tiara thing, carrying a silver wand and sparkly paw patrol boots. I vaguely wonder if it’s her child as my hippyish friends all dress their kids in very gender neutral type clothes and definitely not girly, pink stuff.

Anyway, as her dc got changed it was obvious her dc wasn’t a girl. Only noticed because they were both stood there stark naked for way longer than necessary before I get accused of being a pervert.

Am I being cynical in thinking that if her dc was a girl she’d probably be dressed in dinosaur dungarees or similar? It was just such an ott, impractical outfit to wear. I can’t think why you’d dress your dc like that unless to prove some point about how cool and modern you and your child are.

I may be biased though as she was a very irritating woman in the lesson!

OP posts:
upsideup · 14/03/2018 17:40

cucaracha

But thats completely irrelevant, my DH doesnt want to wear a dress, If when I'd met him he did then honestly I dont think it could of stopped me loving him ( I actually dont love the clothes he choses to wear as it is). Lots of posters maybe would be put of by a man who likes girly stuff, which is fine people are allowed preferances.
I'm not delighted that my 4 year old ds loves glitter and pink, I'm not delighted that my 8 year old ds only likes to wear black or a football kit, I just let them wear what they want.
I can guarantee that in a few more decades it will be a lot more socially acceptable for boys and men to wear pink clothes or makeup etc , just like it is or is becomming more socially acceptable for girls to have short hair and 'boys' clothes.

derxa · 14/03/2018 17:40

Thank god there were no disney princess dresses when my two were little. This thread is so stereotyped. Who cares what this mother and son were wearing. I'm sure they were annoying though Wink

miyajima2018 · 14/03/2018 17:42

Why are you so bothered about this innocuous incident, enough to write a post about it? Try looking into yourself - honestly - and working out why exactly this bothers you so much. There will be a reason known only to you. Then let whatever you find go. If you don't, your judgemental attitude will no doubt be filtering through to your own dc who is at risk of growing up afraid of expressing themselves or of going against your perception of what is "acceptable".

Jenna43 · 14/03/2018 17:44

I know they will pretend otherwise, but in RL, how many posters would actually be "delighted" to go out somewhere with their DH wearing one of their dresses

Grin Oh this will be interesting,.

sevenstars · 14/03/2018 17:46

But there are social conventions that affect what it's deemed "acceptable" to wear - otherwise, what's to stop me walking down Oxford Street in a bikini with DH wrapped in tin foil.

LadyDeadpool · 14/03/2018 17:48

my 4 year old went dressed as the tooth fairy from his current favourite book for world book day entirely his choice. He usually dresses in typically boy clothes and his sister wore lots of pink frills as a baby she's 15 now and incredibly girly.
He just wanted to be a fairy so he was a fairy. It's clothes you don't need a vagina to operate a dress.

NoqontroI · 14/03/2018 17:48

My ds used to wear his sister's Disney dresses out sometimes when he was 2. He liked them. I must be really right on for letting him do it. Or maybe I didn't give a shiny shit what other people thought. People must be very bored to pass comments and judgement on what someone else's young child is wearing.

sevenstars · 14/03/2018 17:48

Or let's all go out starkers because "it's how we felt that morning so just go with it."

cucaracha · 14/03/2018 17:49

I have seen a couple of men in dresses in London- I don't mean drag queens, I mean no-make-up, normal men shoes , just wearing a dress. Being London - out of the City and Canary Wharf -, no one bats an eyelid.

I still bet that all the "open minded posters on here would not be that amused if their Dh was wearing their dress at their best friends' wedding or their Christmas do...

movingtowardsthelight · 14/03/2018 17:49

How lovely for that little boy! And well done to his mum.

My son and his friend (also male) were excited when they received a Pirate and Princess party invite through pre-school. They both wanted to go as princesses and wear pink. Neither had any interest in pirates.

They were nearly 3 at the time. This was a very long time ago.

grasspigeons · 14/03/2018 17:49

id think she'd let him pick his own outfit

but I do know where you are coming from - I was very relaxed about my son dressing up as a princess and wearing pretend glittery heels. I wouldn't have stopped a daughter at all, but i'd have probably felt more 'oh no, not a princess outfit' about it.

Original poster
HolyGoats · 14/03/2018 17:54

upsideup to clarify - I didn’t start a thread saying little boys should never wear dresses. I couldn’t care less if boys wear dresses and my older ds had a Snow White outfit he used to prance around in all the time. But there seems to be a particular brand of parents who never have girls in pink, sparkles and fairy wings but take great delight in having their boys wear them.

OP posts:
toomuchtooold · 14/03/2018 17:57

Except the OP didnt make a thread questioning the practicalities of children wearing a dress and tiara to swimming, She questioned a male child wearing a pink princess dress at all.

Oh god that wasn't the point at all - she was judging the mum's hypocrisy based on a guess that if the kid's sex had corresponded to the gender of the clothes, she wouldn't have let the kid wear them - only being supportive of the kid's right to self expression if it fits with her own values of being alternative and hip and interesting.

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 14/03/2018 17:59

But there seems to be a particular brand of parents who never have girls in pink, sparkles and fairy wings but take great delight in having their boys wear them.

I have never met a parent like this. Assuming they do exist surely they exist in much smaller numbers than the parents who delight in their daughters wearing pink sparkles but would never let their son wear them?

derxa · 14/03/2018 18:01

Why is it never an aardvark costume?

Original poster
HolyGoats · 14/03/2018 18:01

hundreds come and visit my hometown and you will be surprised. It’s only so obvious round her because there aren’t really any of the blunted up baby girls with frills and earrings that I saw so much of where we used to live. It’s onoy the boys in frills.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolyGoats · 14/03/2018 18:02

blinged not blunted 😳

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 14/03/2018 18:09

OP- Stroud? Frome?

I've quite enjoyed this thread 😁

upsideup · 14/03/2018 18:11

HolyGoats

But the mum didnt have a dd with her? You have no idea if her dd likes pink or not, and if she didnt then you ahve no idea that she just happened to not like pink. In fact you have no idea if she even has a dd, (or a son that could of been her nephew)
Luckily I've got 4 children, 2 boy and 2 girls and one of each conforms heavily to gender stereotypes and the other two rebel completely, otherwise I would proberly be accused of the shit your suggesting as well, though actually if I just took ds2 out without my dd's you would proberly still make the same assumption you did here?

upsideup · 14/03/2018 18:15

she was judging the mum's hypocrisy based on a guess

Based on a 'guess', great! The OP has no idea if this woman even has a dd so how can she accuse her of being a hypocrite?
That is like me saying Im going to judge your house for being messy when I've never even spoken to you or seen your house.
This thread is ridiculous!

Frustratedboarder · 14/03/2018 18:16

Have I missed how old the child in question was? Confused my DD loves pink and sparkles and although I'm not at all keen myself once she turned 3ish suddenly became Very strong willed and insistent on wearing the type of clothes She wanted to way as opposed to what I wanted get to wear... Unfortunately! Grin

That said DS(3) had also been out dressed as Tinkerbell so I'm not sure where the puts me in the parenting stakes! Wink

LockedOutOfMN · 14/03/2018 18:19

Haven't read the full thread, but pink frilly dress, wearing a sparkly sort of tiara thing, carrying a silver wand and sparkly paw patrol boots is the kind of thing my DC would have tried to wear to the swimming pool at that age and I would have
a) on a good day, persuaded them to change into more practical gear for swimming changing
b) on a goodish, lazy day, taken them to the park instead where there's no need to try and fit a wand into a municipal pool locker
c) given the fuck up and taken them to the pool as they were and no doubt lost a paw patrol boot and had to bring out a KitKat to shut down a tantrum over why tiaras can't be worn in the pool

Or d) they might have been at a party/playdate in that get up with no opportunity to change before swimming.

I'd hope no one judged and assume no one cared.

Original poster
HolyGoats · 14/03/2018 18:21

Just to reiterate again - it in no way affects me and I don’t disapprove of boys in dresses! It was just a wondering thought - not one that is even speak to about friends about because it really is that petty, just thought I’d gauge MN opinion on it.

OP posts:
Loyaultemelie · 14/03/2018 18:25

I definitely don't make assumptions about people by how they or their children dress, at the moment my dd2 favours the minimalist approach since being ill so any clothes beyond a vest are a bonus, I don't care if they are sparkly dress (very very unlikely) dinosaur dungarees (not at all impossible) or a long(ish) top and unicorn slippers. So I'm probably hoping people aren't judging me but I'm just grateful she is still here.

LadyDeadpool · 14/03/2018 18:28

she was judging the mum's hypocrisy

No, she was judging the mum for not conforming to her normal dress standards. OP saw a woman wearing a particular dress style and made an assumption about her parenting.

You know the old saying assume makes an ass out of u and me? The same works for judging people for no reason at all other than the fact that you're petty and miserable.