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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if her child was a daughter she wouldn’t be dressed like pl

180 replies

HolyGoats · 14/03/2018 14:24

I took dc2 to a toddler swimming session today. In the changing room and a mum comes in with her dc. The mum is very hippyish looking - dreads, piercings, lots of baggy clothes etc. Her dc is in a pink frilly dress, wearing a sparkly sort of tiara thing, carrying a silver wand and sparkly paw patrol boots. I vaguely wonder if it’s her child as my hippyish friends all dress their kids in very gender neutral type clothes and definitely not girly, pink stuff.

Anyway, as her dc got changed it was obvious her dc wasn’t a girl. Only noticed because they were both stood there stark naked for way longer than necessary before I get accused of being a pervert.

Am I being cynical in thinking that if her dc was a girl she’d probably be dressed in dinosaur dungarees or similar? It was just such an ott, impractical outfit to wear. I can’t think why you’d dress your dc like that unless to prove some point about how cool and modern you and your child are.

I may be biased though as she was a very irritating woman in the lesson!

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 14/03/2018 15:04

That makes no sense itsgood. Most people would just assume the boy was a girl so no one would be looking or noticing anything. Or you think she just lets him wear this costume for swimming so people will know?

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 14/03/2018 15:05

You’re going to get no support on here OP. Nobody on mumsnet has ever judged anyone for any reason.

Theresasmayshoes11 · 14/03/2018 15:09

I imagine she positively loves him wearing this outfit for swimming so she looks a cool mummy.

No sensible adult would allow any kid to wear an outfit like this for swimming. I suppose joggers and a top wouldn’t get her as much attention.

Talith · 14/03/2018 15:09

Nice that the little boy had a choice! Even if the mum decided to put the clothes on him, presuming he wasn't trying to claw them off in distress then that strikes me as playful open-minded parenting.

Interesting about whether its still perpetuating stereotypes somehow, but I can't quite make that argument make sense to me. All girls get IS twinkly pink so it's a stereotype for girls - unless the boy is "trying to be a girl" then neither he nor his mother are perpetuating that stereotype. All else being equal, presuming he's not asking to be called a girls name (which is up to him obv), and not "identifying as a girl (whatever that means)...... but presuming he's not, he's a boy in twinkly pink which is untypical ergo not stereotypical of anything.

I used to bloody love twinkly pink things when I was a kid but my whole food vegan mother dressed us in hemp dungarees. I remember actually fighting my sister over a transparent pink toothbrush that came in a pack of four different colours. That's probably neither here nor there...

Strugglingtodomybest · 14/03/2018 15:10

He probably chose it himself, my DS liked a nice dress up when he was a toddler. It was starting school that persuaded him that dresses were for girls.

Original poster

HolyGoats · 14/03/2018 15:12

I just find it amusing that round here it seems all the boys are dressed in tutus and the girls are dressed in earthy coloured cords. I did a quick assessment at swimming thinking ‘this child doesn’t match this adult’. Then when I saw it was actually a boy it made much more sense. Which got me wondering why certain parents never seem to have girly girls but their boys can’t get enough sparkles.

But point taken. I shall judge less and if I do make assumptions I certainly won’t share them with MN!

OP posts:

Greggers2017 · 14/03/2018 15:12

My son has gone out dressed as Elsa with a builders hat and wellies. Sometimes if he is in that frame of mind (he Has asd) letting him choose an outfit is the only way we can get out of the door,

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 14/03/2018 15:12

Lets turn it around.

I see a very fashionable woman come in to the swimming pool with her child - the mum obviously spend a lot of time on her hair and make up and the DD is wearing a very girly outfit (when they get naked I make sure it's really a girl).

I am shocked and horrified because I assume if her DD was a DS she would never let this hypothetical boy where the girly outfit!

OhMyGodTheyKilledKenny · 14/03/2018 15:12

It just sounds like she has let her child choose their own outfit and not given a flying fuck about what other people (like you OP) think. Good on her!

Honestly, there can't be many people around who haven't got at least one picture of their DS dressed in a tutu/princess outfit/dress/long wig/anything else that's traditionally considered "female", so why should you think this woman and her son are any different.

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 14/03/2018 15:13

*wear

Theresasmayshoes11 · 14/03/2018 15:15

Bloody hate seeing any kids in tutus and dressing up outfits in parks, shopping or swimming. So ridiculous and not at all play outfits.

PinkyBlunder · 14/03/2018 15:30

that’s what people do

No, really, generally they don’t. It’s just the judgemental people that do, tend to shout the loudest.

But whatever makes you feel superior OP.

Eastersnake · 14/03/2018 15:30

Most of us are too busy worrying/getting on with our own lives to be bothered by such a display..kudos to her to standing around naked,wish I had the balls too

Finnyhaddock · 14/03/2018 15:31

She sounds like a show off. Who stands there naked for longer than necessary?
Probably the holier than thou brigade.

BarbarianMum · 14/03/2018 15:34

But the child did match the mother. Both were wearing clothes that suggest personal preference over social conformity.

ILoveAntButHateDec · 14/03/2018 15:39

😂😂😂. You are best off dressing your dc as you want and keeping your nose out about how other kids are dressed. It’s none of your business. Don’t sweat the small stuff!

Original poster

HolyGoats · 14/03/2018 15:41

hundreds I’m sorry I don’t understand how your ‘turned around’ scenario is in anyway similar to the one I was explaining. A very fashionable woman isn’t the opposite of someone who is dressed alternatively .

OP posts:

Sarahh2014 · 14/03/2018 15:44

OP Sort of understand what you mean in that the mother in question was attention seeking through the child..It doesn't mean the child didn't want to wear it though.v brave to put this post on btw 🍿

Skarossinkplunger · 14/03/2018 15:45

Good grief! Maybe that’s what the child
chose today. Maybe tomorrow she’ll chose hemp dungarees and vegan Doc Martins.

MN is weird today.

ggirl · 14/03/2018 15:54

i agree with you OP ,

frogsoup · 14/03/2018 15:57

Both my elder children have as toddlers gone to a class wearing pink sparkly fairy dresses. One is a girl, the other a boy. Amazingly, I wasn't seeking attention, I was picking my battles in order to leave the house. Because why the hell would you not let your 2yo dress how they want, as long as weather appropriate(-ish)? I'm pretty much an impossibility as a parent according to your little battalion of rigid stereotypes. How easy it must be to blow your mind!

GetoutofthatGarden · 14/03/2018 15:57

It's like the mothers who would be horrified if their daughter wanted a pink princess dress, but would be delighted if their son did!

she was probably going for the right-on mum of the year award - but each to their own

I know where you are coming from op. It just smacks a bit too try hard - ooooo look at me and my don’t care attitude of what my son wants to wear. Yaaaawn.....he probably wanted to dress as a dinosaur really

I agree with the posters above. It all sounds so "Oh look at me, I'm so cool.

Allthewaves · 14/03/2018 15:59

Sil is too cool for school and dresses dd in boys clothes. Her dd is now 2 and adores sparkly pink so sil has given up

frogsoup · 14/03/2018 15:59

I always think this idea that parents are dressing their children for the attention of others says much more about the person making that assumption than the parent in question.

SnorkFavour · 14/03/2018 15:59

HolyGoats, I totally agree. Look at me, look how progressive I am type of parent.

And people are so contradictory aren't they? They don't judge clothing at all apparently, it makes me wonder how they get so offended at boys wearing traditionally boys stuff and girls wearing traditionally girls stuff in the first place, if they really didn't notice it would never have bothered them, because they wouldn't have realised there was a difference!

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