To find the term 'child free' annoying?

[stuffstuffeverywhere]

Why not just say you don't want kids? Why do people have to make it sound like some dietary requirement? It's as if they see small humans as some kind of allergen or digestive irritation to be avoided.

YABU.

For all the reasons stated - childless implies a deficiency and 'I don't have children' leads to further yawnsome probing questions.

Or they only want 'positive people' in their lives.

Do you think perhaps they only say this to you, OP?

Yes, what is the issue with only wanting positive people in your life? Why would anyone want to spend time with people who always bring them down or put a negative spin on anything nice?

Wow OP you are either very brave or you haven't been here long. FWIW I think it's very trendy these days to dislike kids but of course people have more choices then ever before which can only be a good thing.

I don't have kids but can't think I have ever described myself as 'child free'. At least in real life. To be brutally honest I would feel like a bit of wanker saying this out loud, I don't know why. It doesn't bother me when others say it though.

I have dogs and if some said to me 'I am pet free', I would assume that they didn't like animals and judge them a little bit, which I admit is irrational.

I had a short period off milk and really struggled to say 'dairy free' as well. Probably because I struggled to stop eating cheese. I just said 'I don't drink milk at the moment as it doesn't agree with me'.

If anyone asks I say I don't have kids. I don't think anyone puts a 'yet' after when I say it as I am a bit of an old bag now.

As someone without kids, I also don't like it when other 'child free' people say they dislike children. But then I don't think it is cool to say you dislike any 'group' - it honestly makes you sound like a dick. Intolerant and ignorant. You are going to get peoples backs up.

Some stuff should stay in your head and not be said out loud to others. We all have our prejudices in life, everyone does. The sensible keep them to themselves.

I am 40 years old and don’t have any children. Not because I don’t want any and as of yet I’m not under the impression that I’m unable to (although who knows!), but because it’s taken me this long to find a partner I actually want a child with.

I’ve never used the term child free myself, but I do find that if/when people ask me if I have kids there is no answer I can give that doesn’t lead onto more questioning or unwanted, annoying comments.

For example:

I don’t have any kids yet - “ooh you’re leaving it a bit late aren’t you? Better hurry up at your age”

I don’t have kids - “do you want them? If so you’d better hurry up you’re leaving it a bit late”

I’m childless - “can you have kids? Or do you want kids? If so you’re leaving it a bit late aren’t you?”

You get the gist.....

I also like child free, it is positive.

I feel that I would be dragged down if I were to choose to have kids, DP & I had the conversation very early on and don’t want them.
I feel childfree, as in free of children that would, to me, be a burden.
But just cos I feel that way, doesn’t mean it should be the right thing for everybody; different strokes for different folks and all that.
Basically, OP, I think you need validation in your life. Maybe you feel defined by being a parent and don’t like the reverse?

I have dogs and if some said to me 'I am pet free', I would assume that they didn't like animals

As a slight aside, I have a dog and cats - if I mention this, I sometimes get the response "Ooh, I could never have pets in the house! They're so messy and smelly!" or "Dogs are such a tie and so expensive"

Which is fair enough, but imagine what it would sound like if I said similar when people mentioned their children

That's true, @ScreamingValenta I wouldn't say I'm 'dog free' either although I would never want to have one. (Going for walks in bad weather, picking up dog shit etc). I have 4 cats, though.

But I have friends with dogs and I would feel like a prat if I used that phrase out loud. So why say it out loud that you're 'child free'?

Or maybe it really isn't something you say IRL?

Nobody describes themselves as free if something positive.

Yes they do.

My friend has to eat foods that are nut-free.
She knows that other people like nuts.
She doesn't think nuts are evil or "bad for you".
They are just bad for her, personally.

(if she eats nuts she ends up in hospital, in case you were wondering)

Because comparing human beings to allergens, isn't actually very pleasant and certainly not some positive statement.

Absolutely barking. 🐕

Is it a full moon or something?

Turning it around, comparing human beings to allergens is a great analogy.

Because different people are allergic to different things.

And people who are allergic to a thing don't say "this thing is BAD" just "this thing, it would be bad for me if I had it, but it's OK for you to have it".

Lizzie48 society does not judge you on the basis of whether you have dogs or not.

What would be wrong with not liking children anyway? They're generally loud, messy, and attention seeking? Why should anyone feel shy about admitting them don't like those things?

Granted it was something you used to be judged about. It's actually quite fashionable now IMO. Sometimes I think people project judgement where none exists. It's hard for those of us who really wanted a family to understand, which might be why the less polite people ask you about it. (As I said earlier, adoption is another thing people ask nosey questions about.)

But I'm still saying I've never heard the expression 'child free' IRL. In fact, I've only ever seen it on Mumsnet. People just answer, 'No I don't have any.'

Used to be? I don't think so! There is a lot of judgement, trust me.

It's hard for those of us who really wanted a family to understand, which might be why the less polite people ask you about it

Please don't speak for all of us. Some of us who were desparate to have children can totally understand why anyone would not, and its not an excuse for rudeness and nosiness.

I said 'the less polite'! I'm not speaking for you or for myself. We all know some people who ask stupid questions, like the lady at my old church who asked me loudly, were we using donor eggs or donor sperm when we were going through IVF? I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

I'm explaining why people might ask questions, obviously I'm not excusing rudeness. We all should have a filter.

You said those of us, not you personally. There is a big difference.

For goodness sake, picking holes in everything I say, for the last time, I am NOT JUSTIFYING IT, IT IS RUDE. Is that good enough for you???

It was a poor choice of words, satisfied???

These are the comments childfree people get, without fail, so no, we can’t just say ‘I don’t have kids’ because someone will say ‘YET, you mean.’ and then demand to know why you’re not choosing the same lifestyle choices as them, mouths gape, we are told we don’t know what love is, what’s the point of our marriages then, what’s wrong with us?
Childfree is as opposite to childless as it can be, childless means you don’t have a kid yet, your life is lesser by not having had a kid, childfree is the opposite-we do not have and will not be having children, our lives are free of children by choice.

It boggles loads of people’s minds that not contributing to overpopulation is an option and one that childfree people have put lots of thought into and is as instinctive as those who claim to have a ‘biological clock’, so many threads on here over the years where people have said their thought process into forcing a new person into 80+ years of existence is ‘its what you do’, which is grim.

I'm not contributing to the overpopulation actually, seeing as we adopted, so I can't be judged for that.

It's not picking holes, its responding to points made, on a forum! Get a hold of yourself!

No you were twisting what I was saying in order to make the point you wanted to make. You get hold of yourself.