To find the term 'child free' annoying?

[stuffstuffeverywhere]

Why not just say you don't want kids? Why do people have to make it sound like some dietary requirement? It's as if they see small humans as some kind of allergen or digestive irritation to be avoided.

Fuck me @Riverside2 I have to do that with my own kids sometimes!

Child free is shorthand for 'comfortable with the fact I don't have children'. It changes the emphasis from 'don't have children but might want them' to 'nope. Don't have kids and comfortable with that'

Lizzie and ginger - if you understand that I felt the need to have several drinks after an afternoon with toddlers, then I'm really surprised that the phrase "I don't like children" can be ...misunderstood? Disliked?

I'm going to bow out because I've lost the plot actually!

You cannot guarantee that your children would look after you in old age. You can absolutely guarantee that your house and money will.

It's particularly hard to cope with toddlers, Riverside, they're hard work and I was regularly tearing my hair out. It's where you can say, 'I love you but I don't always like you.' But it's easier with children who have started school, you can have so much fun with them at the park whilst they enjoy their ice cream. Especially when they're with friends, you literally just sit down and watch them play together.

If you'd said 'I don't like toddlers,' I'd have responded very differently.

I don't dislike children, as I wouldn't dislike any 'category of person' - they are all individuals. I am quite shy about interacting with them as there are none in my family so I've lost touch with how children think. People who are used to children seem to know the right sort of things to say - I can never think of anything beyond 'Hello'!

@Riverside2 I said nothing about not understanding/ misunderstanding your comment. I was simply commiserating with you that I feel like having a sting after interactions with my own kids!!!!

Drink not sting @Riverside2

It describes very well people who have chosen not to have children. It differentiates between them and those who are not able to have children and who are referred to as childless.

Childless is a pitying term. Ugh

I think “childfree” is a word that describes someone who has made the decision not to have children and is happy with it. “Childless” on the other hand implies something is missing, and sounds sad.

Child free ≠ childless.

Child free is a positive, voluntary decision not to have children because you don’t want to be a parent. Childless is the sad situation where people want to have children but can’t for whatever reason.

It’s a very important distinction.

Childless is a pitying term. Ugh

I think it shows that everyone is different as to their preferred language

I very much consider myself childless as we are grieving not being able to have the family we dreamed of, and having to accept I can't have children

I don't tend to use the word childless in verbal communication, but I have no problem with it, as I feel it very apt for my situation

IRL if someone asks me if I have any kids, my reply will usually be 'unfortunately not'

I believe the percentage of UK women reaching the end of their childbearing years without having had children is now around 20% - so it's not really hugely abnormal. Of course, other demographics will influence how this translates into real life experience, but it suggests that at least one woman of every five you meet will be childfree/childless. Anecdotally, thinking of my own workplace, that's quite accurate.

The percentage has been steadily rising for the last 50 years - if this trend continues, childfree/less women will gradually become less and less worthy of comment.

I am childfree by choice, and I'm very happy sometimes snug about this.

I think your point of view is ridiculous.

Some people are single by choice and can be happy/unhappy about it. Others are single by circumstance and can be happy/unhappy. This is a much more reasonable comparison than food allergies!

Both situations are very personal, we are all different and like different things and I think that closed minded people like you are what's wrong with the world today

Some people cannot have children or have children that have died so it's not for me to call someone who's child free out.

No they are expensive !!

I can't stand the twee description of children as "small/tiny humans"

It stops the sympathetic head -tilt and 'Aw, I couldn't live without mine'. Because the answer 'Your life sounds like living HELL' tends to offend for some reason....

^^this.
Or another answer could be ‘well, at least I’m not defined by just having children’...

Being child-free doesn't necessarily mean someone doesn't want kids. Perhaps they can't have them, or don't feel currently able to have them given their present circumstances

I remember the pain of tcc mainy years ago, only for the women I worked with (yes women, who you’d think would be more sensitive..) always asking “Are you not pregnant YET?
Every month...

I am still child free. By choice now, as I stopped tcc when I got to a certain age.

It’s not always what it seems, op.

What surprises me the most about the whole thing is that people ask such a personal question in the first place.Are people that dense? ( rhetorical question) . Wtf has it got to do with you? Should be the answer 😁

I remember my DSIL saying to me once that she can’t remember what her life was like pre-children. That, to me, says her life is defined by her children.

When they ask such a personal question, I think it’s because they are fed up that the child free are enjoying themselves too much (in their eyes) and not having to run round after the kids all the time.

If people were so happy in their role as parents, they wouldn’t be worrying about whether somebody else has children or not.

That’s my thoughts, anyway.

Is it a particularly personal question to ask if someone has children?
Seems like a perfectly normal question to me.
Not immediately obviously but if you work with someone it seems like a ‘getting to know you’ question.

@Teacup, I think it depends on how the question is asked, and how the answer is reacted to also.

So, if someone asks me why I’m childfree, I just say that part of my life didn’t work out, but we’ve moved on now. An honest answer.

Their reaction to that would be telling. If they said, why didn’t you adopt/go through IVF etc (as has happened to me, awful experience) I’d think they were being insensitive. If they said fair enough and asked about other aspects of my life, then good.

To some people, it’s more than a getting to know you question, especially when people have been insensitive in the past.

Teacup, its an intensely painful topic for some people. Especially because if you answer in the negative, the response is rarely sensitive (in my experience anyway). I find that if people have children, it tends to come up very quickly anyway, so I think there is no need to ask.

I have a friend who is going through a divorce, and she feels the same about being asked if she is married / single.

The part in my post was about somebody asking me why didn’t we adopt/go through IVF was another horrible experience.

It was a friend of a friend in a packed restaurant, had a few to drink, shouting across our very long table about ‘how selfish we were to not adopt, that there was a little girl or boy out there who have missed out on a loving home’.

Along with the earlier years of ‘are you not pregnant YET’, it still is a difficult question for some.

I appreciate what you are saying though @Teacup.

Child free and debt free. I consider both very positive aspects of my life.