Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

what would you think of me if you saw me with my kids today?

374 replies

beclev24 · 14/03/2018 03:25

I worry a lot about what people think in general. I always think that people are staring at me and thinking I'm a bad mum/ I'm not keeping my kids under control etc. So be honest- what would you think of me/ us if you saw us?

I have three boys- ages 7, 4 and a baby. My two elder ones are VERY exuberant/ naughty (depending on how you see these things)- so for eg, today in the supermarket, they were laughing loudly and hysterically at each other over everything, pointing at every item in the store or picking it up and making some joke about it/ laughing very loudly. They were play wrestling in the aisles/ jumping up and down etc (not running around, but definitely not walking quietly by my side either) . No matter how many tiems I tell them to quiet down/ calm down/ not touch things etc, they seem to be uncontainable and I always seem to be pulling them off stuff etc. IT's all good natured, and they never actually damage anything but it's full on, ALL THE TIME. If you saw me in this situation, would you hate me/ judge me or feel sorry for me, or none of these?

OP posts:
ferriswheel · 14/03/2018 07:59

I havent had time to read the whole thread but will do and come back later.

My 3 boys, aged 5 and under, were awful last time we were in a supermarket.

In the holidays im planning some practise trips where we dont need any shopping and i abandon everything and leave as soon as they play up.

Honestly you can only do your best. We all have our moments.

BrownTurkey · 14/03/2018 08:00

I wouldn’t worry.

Things I would try, is

  1. Tell them the behaviour you expect before going in
  2. Have a consequence if they don’t eg ‘if you can walk nicely and be helpful, thats ok, but if not then you will have to stay with your hand on the trolley.
  3. Mean it, and insist every time, it will take ages to learn.
  4. Talk positively and praise up, give jobs ‘can you walk slowly over to that shelf and find me a can of beans and back please’.
Justanothernap · 14/03/2018 08:05

If they didn't get in my way I wouldn't give you a second thought. If they got in my way & you or they apologised I'd be fine with it.

if you worry about what people think... flee from AIBU - people are harsh here. I think with baby in tow in the real world people would cut you more slack.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 14/03/2018 08:07

Sorry OP but I'd be really pissed off with the wrestling and touching stuff. I'd judge them, not necessarily you. I don't see why you take them shopping though, it sounds very stressful!

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 14/03/2018 08:12

I'd smile and probably laugh at your boys because life's a bit too short to give a shit about crazy children in supermarkets.

I never take mine for proper shopping sessions because they're just dicks in supermarkets. All the expectations and consequences in the world don't stop it just being a bit exhausting and when time's limited, I can't be bothered to spend it shouting "for the love of god stop licking that trolley handle".

OrangeHorse · 14/03/2018 08:14

I'd think 'for f**ks Sale, shut up' BUT I used to think a lot of judgemental things about parents with babies before I had one! My daughter is yet to reach the running around and 'naughty' stage so I imagine once I get there I'll have a lot more sympathy 😂

OrangeHorse · 14/03/2018 08:15

Oh yeah and I'd just get my shopping delivered if I was you 😁

OddestSock · 14/03/2018 08:16

I wouldn’t have noticed because I’d have been far too busy trying to stop my daughters doing the same b

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 14/03/2018 08:19

If mine had behaved like that I wouldn’t take them to the supermarket. Not together anyway. Divide and conquer. Go when eldest is at school. Or have your shopping delivered. After school take them to the park to burn off all that energy. At home work on expected behaviours and consequences of not behaving. Practise it everywhere.

WeirdCatLady · 14/03/2018 08:20

I’d be annoyed if I was trying to shop and your boys were grabbing at things and wrestling. I would think you a lazy mother who no control over her children and no idea what is, or is not, acceptable behaviour.

If you cannot shop without them doing these things then you should have your food shop delivered instead.

NorbertTheDragon · 14/03/2018 08:21

I wouldn't judge because my usually well behaved 13 yo twins act the same when we go in a supermarket. Hmm Well, they don't pick stuff up but they do start fighting. Every bloody time! They must pump something into the air in supermarkets. And trains, they act the same on trains too, I seat them apart now.

At school they wouldn't say boo to a goose and have never been in trouble. Obviously it's just me they like to show up.

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 14/03/2018 08:21

Yes, I would judge you too, it’s not the fault of your DS’s is it? You are allowing them to behave like that.
I would also think, ‘ If she can’t control them now then what the hell is she going to do when they get to be teenagers?’

The level of noise can be difficult for those on the autistic spectrum.
And it’s awful for those wearing hearing aids, where all sounds are amplified. My DDad used to be on the point of tears from supermarket shopping just from the noise of children screaming and shouting, but he had to be there to help my Mum, who couldnt see well.

WeirdCatLady · 14/03/2018 08:22

...who HAD no control.... Hmm

RebootYourEngine · 14/03/2018 08:23

I would judge. Supermarkets are not places to behave like that. I am surprised they havent been hurt by a trolley. I would have each one holding onto the trolley and if they didnt i would probably put a wrist strap on them and attach it to the trolley. I would also involve them in the shopping.

MuncheysMummy · 14/03/2018 08:25

I’d think that looks like hard work rather her than me,if I’m honest! I’d also wonder why you don’t order your shopping online for either home delivery or click and collect to save herself the stress and everyone’s else the hassle

FrancisCrawford · 14/03/2018 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamadothehump · 14/03/2018 08:26

I'd also think you have no control I'm afraid and I say this as a Mum of 3 with a 4 year age gap from start to finish (although mine are a bit older than your now). I'm not really sure what advice to give though. I was (and still am) very stern and they knew there'd be consequences if they did play up. Oh, and I soon perfected my "death stare" which they soon learnt I mean business!!!

LimonViola · 14/03/2018 08:27

I'd think you had no control over your own children and that they were very badly behaved.

But beyond that I wouldn't really delve any deeper in my mind. I'm aware there could be all kinds of reasons (maybe they're not your kids just your nephews, maybe you recently adopted them from a bad start, maybe you have mental health issues and can't cope, maybe you were recently bereaved and the kids are acting up out of grief).

gussyfinknottle · 14/03/2018 08:27

If your little darlings got in my way, I would say excuse me very loudly and try and avoid your gang for the rest of the shop. I would pity you, shrug my shoulders and get on with my own stuff.

Bellamuerte · 14/03/2018 08:27

I'm afraid I'd think it was lazy parenting and lacking in discipline. Your children shouldn't be permitted to touch food items that other people have to buy, and neither should they be wrestling. There's a time and a place for that sort of behaviour.

RedRedDogsBeg · 14/03/2018 08:27

I'd be annoyed with you too

I'd prob look and wonder why you had a third child when you can't manage the 2 older ones

I'd judge you for allowing them to pick stuff up from shelves too.....

Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 14/03/2018 08:30

I have 3 dcs one with special needs and remember overhearing someone slagging us off in the supermarket. I went home and cried for about a solid two hours.

I've since learnt to only do the shopping online, be more aware of my environment when I'm out and what could trigger a meltdown. I also went on a parenting course.

If I saw your kids in the supermarket I would probably just think 'thank fuck that isn't me anymore'

wasthataburp · 14/03/2018 08:30

Probably just laugh to myself and think "that will be be soon" / "she's got her hands full"

allthingsred · 14/03/2018 08:30

Haven't read full thread.
But from you op I wouldn't think anything about you or your dc.
We all have days where kids have been nightmares in shops. It will pass, ignore anyone who judges I'm sure their children have had moments too

Fruitcocktail6 · 14/03/2018 08:31

I wouldn't judge you but I would find the children irritating. But I generally find everyone in the supermarket irritating and only go at quiet times.

Swipe left for the next trending thread