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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

what would you think of me if you saw me with my kids today?

374 replies

beclev24 · 14/03/2018 03:25

I worry a lot about what people think in general. I always think that people are staring at me and thinking I'm a bad mum/ I'm not keeping my kids under control etc. So be honest- what would you think of me/ us if you saw us?

I have three boys- ages 7, 4 and a baby. My two elder ones are VERY exuberant/ naughty (depending on how you see these things)- so for eg, today in the supermarket, they were laughing loudly and hysterically at each other over everything, pointing at every item in the store or picking it up and making some joke about it/ laughing very loudly. They were play wrestling in the aisles/ jumping up and down etc (not running around, but definitely not walking quietly by my side either) . No matter how many tiems I tell them to quiet down/ calm down/ not touch things etc, they seem to be uncontainable and I always seem to be pulling them off stuff etc. IT's all good natured, and they never actually damage anything but it's full on, ALL THE TIME. If you saw me in this situation, would you hate me/ judge me or feel sorry for me, or none of these?

OP posts:

PinkBeetroot · 14/03/2018 07:09

I would think either poor parenting or special needs, and would avoid you.

Most of the change has to happen at home- it’s up to you to teach them respect, politeness, self-control and how to be a part of society. You are not going to achieve anything by simply saying “no” all round the supermarket.

They sound really bored so make it fun and positive- give them a shopping list, let them help pick the fruit and pack the bags, have a little treat afterwards, and carry this on at home- get them involved in some cooking, give them little responsibilities at like laying the table, and don’t go shopping when they’re hungry or tired.

BluebellCockleshell123 · 14/03/2018 07:10

I've got 3 older boys. I'd be thinking "God - remember those days".

Generally I tried to go to the supermarket without them or did online shops as they messed about so much!

SoupDragon · 14/03/2018 07:11

The trick is to try not giving a flying monkey about what others think.

Seiously? You think the way to deal with bad behaviour is to think “fuck everyone else who needs to use this space”?

ItsuAddict · 14/03/2018 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maddiemookins16mum · 14/03/2018 07:12

I'd also add that I don't think anyone on here who is saying they're behaving badly would consider themselves 'perfect parents', none of us are perfect parents, I'm certainly not.

SandLand · 14/03/2018 07:13

Might put a lock on the bedroom door to keep them there if staying in their room, one at a time, is part of the punishment @Beanteam please don't lock your child in a room

bec the wrestling is less than ideal. If the picking up, and putting back in the right place, is tins and packets, I probably wouldn't notice. Fruit, veg, meat etc needs to be left alone. The laughing and chatting is fine.

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 14/03/2018 07:13

I'd be pretty pissed off with you tbh. When you tell them off are you one of these wet parents who doesn't mean it because your kids behaviour indicates you are. That would piss me off more than the kids tbh.

Lizzie48 · 14/03/2018 07:14

I'd have a lot of sympathy, I've been there with my DDs (now nearly 9 and 6). They used to be just like that, so I always tried to avoid taking them for a big grocery shopping expedition. As soon as they were both in school I did my shopping at times when I didn't have to take them with me. I did take them as a treat, though, and would tell them they could buy one item each if they behaved.

They are better now, but I still prefer not to take them with me if I need to buy in bulk. I do more online now anyway.

But no, I wouldn't judge you, I'd just be grateful not to be in your shoes tbh.

MaisyPops · 14/03/2018 07:14

There is a big difference between boisterous and juts out of control/ and a lot of people make an excuse for the second by saying it’s the first.
Very true.
Or people say that having an issue with the 2nd means you must think you're a perfect parent rather than the obvious which is someone who gets kids can be lively but there's a difference between lively and badly behaved

WhiskeySourpuss · 14/03/2018 07:15

I wouldn't have time to think anything because DS would most likely pipe up with "if I behaved like that you'd kill me eh mum...?"

speakout · 14/03/2018 07:16

*The trick is to try not giving a flying monkey about what others think.

Seiously? You think the way to deal with bad behaviour is to think “fuck everyone else who needs to use this space”?*

I agree soupdragon- what a disgusting way to bring up kids.

GinIsIn · 14/03/2018 07:18

I’d think “does she not know about Ocado?” I expect! Beyond that I doubt I would give it any thought.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 14/03/2018 07:20

I'd wonder why you just didn't shop online if your children have been so lacking in boudaries/parenting that they think that's perfectly acceptable behaviour in a supermarket. When reflecting later, it might also cross my mind to wonder why add another child to the mix rather than deal with existing issues first.

Personwithhorse · 14/03/2018 07:21

Extremely annoying for other people, especially those who left theirs at home to avoid this sort of thing.

Home delivery as said above

0hCrepe · 14/03/2018 07:27

If it was really disruptive and you looked very stressed I’d think why on earth don’t you do online shopping or wait till the older 2 are in school/preschool. I hate taking little ones shopping and I don’t think it’s something Little ones enjoy, it’s very overstimulating and they want everything they see.

Lizzie48 · 14/03/2018 07:27

Extremely annoying for other people, especially those who left theirs at home to avoid this sort of thing.

I'm one of those parents who leave their children at home and I don't think like that, because I don't spend my time worrying about what other people are doing. I focus only on what I need to be doing.

No good was ever going to come of posting about this on AIBU, OP, if you're still around.

GrannyGrissle · 14/03/2018 07:27

I'd cat's bottom you for the messing with items, wrestling and sheer volume. Your kids' behaviour is not the norm nor is it exuberance and God help you when they get older.
DD (4) is naturally very active and boisterous but has firm boundaries (she can have fun etc but NOT upset or bother other people at all).
It is hard work enforcing these boundaries and rules sometimes but they are non negotiable. I'd start rewarding/banning screen time etc as necessary as a matter of urgency.

BluthsFrozenBananas · 14/03/2018 07:29

I wouldn’t judge you, I have no idea what’s going on in your life, but I would find your children’s behaviour irritating and do my best to avoid being in the same aisle as you.

I’d also a) feel sorry for you dragging two boisterous children around the supermarket b) feel sorry for your children being dragged around the supermarket c) wonder why the hell you didn’t get your shopping delivered.

Fundays12 · 14/03/2018 07:29

I wouldn’t think anything of the giggling and laughing it’s nice to see but I would think wrestling and jumping about in a supermarket is not good behaviour and for there safety you need to get control of them. If they wrestle at the wrong bit of a supermarket and bang into someone or something it could end with serious injury.

I have 2 sons a 6 year old who is has asd and adhd and is very difficult to control. However he knows that if he wants rewards he must demonstrate good behaviour. I reiterate every time we go anywhere what behaviour is expected of him and when we get there (i.e no running, shouting, jumping or wrestling, hitting or kicking)and what his reward will be for it. This is normally a little iPad time. The 16 month old is quiet easy going but still gets told no don’t touch.

It sounds like your boys are bored why not give them a visual list of what they need to look for (I.e in the fridge aisle one gets butter the other etc.

LakieLady · 14/03/2018 07:33

I'm afraid I'd be judgey and pissed off. I hate it when kids run amok in shops. I've lost count of the number of times I've nearly gone arse over tit as some toddler runs right in front when I'm rushing round trying to get a few bits between appointments.

But then I freely admit I'm a grumpy old bit and that there's no reason why anyone should give a shit what I think!

Chugalug · 14/03/2018 07:35

I'd wonder why you weren't doing on line shopping....

Creambun2 · 14/03/2018 07:42

"Wresting in the aisles" come on that is not "exuberance" it is your children pissing about and yes annoying others. Keep them under control. Or are you one of those parents who would be the first to complain to the shop or other customers if they got hurt?

strawberrypenguin · 14/03/2018 07:47

Sorry I'd judge. A 7 year old should know how to walk round a supermarket nicely (as should a 4 yo most of the time) wrestling in the isles and pulling products off the shelves is not acceptable.

BarbarianMum · 14/03/2018 07:53

Id think "control your kids missus" (for the wrestling/taking stuff off the shelves, noise wouldn't bother me). Id be sympathetic though -mine were like this (esp the bloody wrestling), when shopping and I only had two. I had them help by finding things on the shelves and bring them to me. If they didn't want to help with that they hsd to hold onto the trolley -one on each side.

greenbeansqueen · 14/03/2018 07:57

I’d get shopping delivered if I were you. I’d never take my kids shopping if they carried on like that. My 2 have the potential to but I don’t let them - I give them jobs to do ‘finding’ stuff on the shopping list, or ‘help’ with the scanner if the shop has that system where you scan as you go around, or there might be the promise of putting something they like in the trolley at the very end if they’ve been ‘helfful’ BUT if none of that works then they I would make them walk beside me holding on to the trolley ( only had to do this the once as they hated it) which is a pain but how else will they learn? No consequences = no change in behaviour. You have my sympathies though, kids know exactly when they can get away with this kind of sh@t, you’re distracted, busy, in public...

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