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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

what would you think of me if you saw me with my kids today?

374 replies

beclev24 · 14/03/2018 03:25

I worry a lot about what people think in general. I always think that people are staring at me and thinking I'm a bad mum/ I'm not keeping my kids under control etc. So be honest- what would you think of me/ us if you saw us?

I have three boys- ages 7, 4 and a baby. My two elder ones are VERY exuberant/ naughty (depending on how you see these things)- so for eg, today in the supermarket, they were laughing loudly and hysterically at each other over everything, pointing at every item in the store or picking it up and making some joke about it/ laughing very loudly. They were play wrestling in the aisles/ jumping up and down etc (not running around, but definitely not walking quietly by my side either) . No matter how many tiems I tell them to quiet down/ calm down/ not touch things etc, they seem to be uncontainable and I always seem to be pulling them off stuff etc. IT's all good natured, and they never actually damage anything but it's full on, ALL THE TIME. If you saw me in this situation, would you hate me/ judge me or feel sorry for me, or none of these?

OP posts:
LoremIpsumMum · 14/03/2018 06:51

can you shop online?

TheBakeryQueen · 14/03/2018 06:51

They just sound like kids being kids to me and I can't see anything naughty in their behaviour either.

I wouldn't think anything negatively of you, they are young and they will grow out of it.

Food shopping is hell with young kids, I would feel for you.

toomuchtooold · 14/03/2018 06:52

Like a PP, I'd just be glad my kids weren't the only noisy ones! I find that my girls are mostly OK in the supermarket but if we go after school they are tired and fed up, and that's when they start playing up. And I find then that all the wonderful discipline methods in the world won't work, not for long - their behaviour will improve for a minute or two but then they start bickering and making shite again.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 14/03/2018 06:53

I'd judge you for allowing them to misbehave

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 14/03/2018 06:54

I'd be irritated.

And tbh, if my two behaved like that I wouldn't 'tell' them, I'd remove them from the shop. They know this, so they don't.

Massively inconvenient I know, but sometimes has to be done.

ladymariner · 14/03/2018 06:55

I would think you didn’t know how to handle your children’s behaviour and they were badly behaved. I would also wonder why you don’t shop online and save everyone the hassle.

This!

CuppaSarah · 14/03/2018 06:55

I'd laugh to myself and have sympathy for my mum as I know me and my sister were like that. As long as they're not bumping into people or obstructing the shelves constantly it's not big deal. Some children need to play loudly, some don't.

Oysterbabe · 14/03/2018 06:55

Badly behaved children are annoying as hell so I would feel irritated and wonder why you weren't stopping them.

I was in a child friendly pub the other day and a couple of boys were running up and down the length of the pub and screeching at the top of their voices. Their mum would occasionally say "inside voices please" and that was it. It didn't make them pause for a second. They almost wiped my toddler out a couple of times.

MaisyPops · 14/03/2018 06:56

Noise and laughter wouldn't bother me. I'd probably find it funny if they were making silly jokes. Food shopping is boring for kids

Picking up items after being told not to, wrestling in the aisle would make me think they were badly behaved, especially if they were flat out ignoring you.

I don't buy into the idea of 'boys will be boys/ kids will be kids' or the use of lively/energetic as euphemisms for poor behaviour.

hazeyjane · 14/03/2018 06:56

I'd think

  1. nothing really.
  2. don't forget to buy dairylea....don't forget to buy dairylea.....etc
  3. I really hope that mum doesn't post on AIBU, for no good shall come of it.

Oh and you can bet your arsey dollar, that if you'd engaged them in games and talked about your shopping, someone would be prattling on about 'performance parenting'. The trick is to try not giving a flying monkey about what others think. (hard I know)

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 14/03/2018 06:57

I would smile and think, happy children.
OP, is there somewhere they could run off steam, before you go in the store ? I always found this very helpful, plus it enables them to listen to a little bribery 😀

OliviaStabler · 14/03/2018 06:58

Honestly I'd think you were an ineffective parent when it came to discipline. Yes supermarket shopping is boring for everyone but your children should know by now how to behave appropriately according to the situation.

speakout · 14/03/2018 07:00

OP behaviour like that in a supermarket is not acceptable.

Wrestling and jumping in aisles is annoying for other customers and unsafe.
There could be displays of wine, vulnerable or frail customers, horse play can sometimes result in damage or injury.

There is a time and place for such behaviour and it is not the supermarket.

You have lost control= and in the years to come things will get worse- they will also be teaching your youngest this disrespectful behaviour.

PretABoire · 14/03/2018 07:02

I like seeing kids have fun. Especially if they’re being a bit cheeky. You’d all get smiles from me. Then again I don’t have DC and I’m not of the belief that everything grown up needs to be dull.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 14/03/2018 07:02

I'd think good for you managing to go shopping with 3dc, I have to go when mine are at school.

Flomy · 14/03/2018 07:02

I would think "this is the last place, children want to spend their time"

I know my DC hate it, as its so boring. Alsoif DC are hungry as well as bored, then its a whole new level of carnage.

speakout · 14/03/2018 07:02

Some children need to play loudly, some don't.

Yes, but all children need to learn that some places are for playing, others not.

MarthasGinYard · 14/03/2018 07:03

Sounds slightly irritating

'Jumping and wrestling in aisles' etc.

SD1978 · 14/03/2018 07:04

I wouldn’t be ‘judging’ you, but I would consider that you had no control and were a bit lazy with your parenting- I’d have an internal eye roll probably and a bit of an internal monologue about parents who choose not to encourage their kids to act appropriately in public. There is a big difference between boisterous and juts out of control/ and a lot of people make an excuse for the second by saying it’s the first. Your kids were racing up and down isles, getting in multiple peoples ways, picking up and touching multiple food items, fighting, shouting and laughing. I’d say that was no control and probably quite annoying. You saw it as boisterous and acceptable. I think we’d have to differ but I’d never pull you or your kids up unless it directly affected me.

cordeliavorkosigan · 14/03/2018 07:04

I’m with hazeyjane. The trick is to parent the way you believe in and stop worrying so much about what other people think! How many amazing people are there out there who would have been held back if they’d spent their time on what other people think, instead of what they were great at or passionate about or interested in?

LoremIpsumMum · 14/03/2018 07:06

I know 2 children like this who started 'play' wrestling on the pavement and, whilst their mum half heartedly said Stop That Boys...they wrestled themselves into the oncoming traffic. Parents must teach their children to understand that there is a time and a place for such behaviour- either because of danger, or consideration of other people's feelings or respect for their property or possessions.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 14/03/2018 07:07

Honestly? I would be wondering why you couldn't control your children and why when you were asking them to not do something, they were ignoring you.

I would also be thinking, poor girl, hope she gets to put her feet up and have a glass in wine later!

Justdontknow4321 · 14/03/2018 07:07

would think you didn’t know how to handle your children’s behaviour and they were badly behaved. I would also wonder why you don’t shop online and save everyone the hassle.

Their behaviour, as you describe it, is unacceptable.

this

underneaththeash · 14/03/2018 07:07

I agree with the PP - they're not tiny children anymore and they should be following instructions. One of the basics of parenting is to teach boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Unruly 4 years old can turn until unruly 14 year olds.

But don't dwell on it too much OP, just do something about it. Even with all the cuts, there are still plenty of parenting courses that you can either self-refer for or ask your HV to refer you to.
I did one on parenting teenagers a couple of weeks ago (mine are usually fairly well behaved, but I know little about parenting teenagers) and although some of it was common sense, there were some really good tips.

SoupDragon · 14/03/2018 07:08

That I should be doing more to make them behave? If so, what??

Well, what are you doing?

I’ve been there with two small boys (and DS2 was an absolute nightmare!) but I still managed to ensure they didn’t wrestle in a supermarket or play with the items on the shelves.

Mine responded well to a pasta jar reward scheme. 10 pieces in the jar on a Monday, one piece lost for bad behaviour, one piece added for good behaviour, each piece exchanged on Sunday for on “thing” per piece that was in there. Reset for the Monday.

We did have to complicate it when DS2 worked out that when he’d got near to the end of his pasta he could do what he liked 🙄 but it basically worked.