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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

what would you think of me if you saw me with my kids today?

374 replies

beclev24 · 14/03/2018 03:25

I worry a lot about what people think in general. I always think that people are staring at me and thinking I'm a bad mum/ I'm not keeping my kids under control etc. So be honest- what would you think of me/ us if you saw us?

I have three boys- ages 7, 4 and a baby. My two elder ones are VERY exuberant/ naughty (depending on how you see these things)- so for eg, today in the supermarket, they were laughing loudly and hysterically at each other over everything, pointing at every item in the store or picking it up and making some joke about it/ laughing very loudly. They were play wrestling in the aisles/ jumping up and down etc (not running around, but definitely not walking quietly by my side either) . No matter how many tiems I tell them to quiet down/ calm down/ not touch things etc, they seem to be uncontainable and I always seem to be pulling them off stuff etc. IT's all good natured, and they never actually damage anything but it's full on, ALL THE TIME. If you saw me in this situation, would you hate me/ judge me or feel sorry for me, or none of these?

OP posts:
Queenoftheblitz · 14/03/2018 08:31

Children like yours make me laugh. It's the whiney ones who give me the pip.

Costacoffeeplease · 14/03/2018 08:32

As someone with a disability I’d be nervous that they’d crash into me, which could cause me severe pain and injury, so I’d be less than impressed with the wrestling etc

Laiste · 14/03/2018 08:35

I'd be annoyed. I'd try to avoid the isles you were up. I'd wish you'd stick to online shopping if you can't control your kids.

(I've got 4 kids, I had 3 under 5 at one point)

jobbymcginty · 14/03/2018 08:35

I would perhaps do online shopping or go when older kids are at school. The boys wouldn't bother me at all. But as a mother of 2 boys I'd find it difficult to concentrate on what I needed to buy

Laiste · 14/03/2018 08:36

aisles

derxa · 14/03/2018 08:36

I would wonder why you had to bring them all shopping. I would find you all extremely annoying. I don't find other people's children entrancing in supermarkets.

diddl · 14/03/2018 08:38

I'd assume that you had to shop with them & hope for all your sakes that it wouldn't be happening again any time soon!

TheMythicalChicken · 14/03/2018 08:39

I would think, "lucky you, having children who get on and play together". Actually, I like to see little boys behaving like little boys. I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.

pictish · 14/03/2018 08:39

“I'd prob look and wonder why you had a third child when you can't manage the 2 older ones”

Would you? God...fancy admitting to such uncharitable thinking...and quite proudly too, like you’re the life decision Queen of the Universe. A snapshot in another parent’s day and there’s you thinking their youngest doesn’t deserve their place in the world because the kids are being rowdy. Grim!

Tinkobell · 14/03/2018 08:40

Unless they were coshing other shoppers or laid a big turd in the aisle, I wouldn't give much of a monkeys what you or your kids are up to. The older generation always tut tut a bit, but so what? The worlds not going to fall apart. I do think many older folks are probably much better grandparents than they were parents themselves. Parents these days often have no extended family nearby for respite and loads of pressures. Just paste a big smile on your face next time and act like your loving it!!!

KochabRising · 14/03/2018 08:40

Noise (to a point) and laughter no issue.

The problem is when their behaviour impacts on others, so wrestling, running, etc are not ok in a supermarket. What if they knocked over a display or an elderly or frail person?

Would I judge? I think that’d depend on your attempts to control. When I see mums with a toddler having a tantrum and they are engaging/going through the whole ‘this is not where we have tantrums I’m going to count to ten then we leave’ or distracting etc then I only have sympathy because we’ve all been there, the parent is addressing the behaviour and it’s a learning process.
When I see a parent shouting, ignoring or ‘boys will be boys’ ing then yes, I judge.

Your kids are old enough to behave. They don’t need to be silently and meekly following you like lambs but there’s a limit and wrestling in aisles is past it.

I saw a couple allowi g their similar age kids to use micro scooters in a busy mall food court a while back. Dangerous all round and really shit parenting.

It is important that they learn where to behave.,save the horseplay for hoe and the park

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/03/2018 08:42

I'd be moving away from them as quick as possible tbh that's if they were making as much noise as you describe. I wouldn't mind them laughing, I think that would make me laugh too but if it was very loud that would grate.

I'd probably think they were a bit unruly too and that you didn't have control over them. But in all honesty I think I would feel for you. It's bloody hard work shopping with young dc and I know it can be embarrassing for parents when their dc play up. We've all been there to some degree.

SluttyButty · 14/03/2018 08:42

I’d give you that sympathetic look that says I’ll chat if you want to strike up a conversation. The look that says I’ve been there with my youngest. The looks and judgemental stares from other people that made me weep inside sometimes.

Zeelove · 14/03/2018 08:42

Working in retail, I would be thinking the same as I always think when badly behaved children come in - which in all honestly is not that many. I hate seeing children misbehave and their parents saying and doing nothing about it. Honestly, some children leave and most of the sop has a headache

gussyfinknottle · 14/03/2018 08:43

If I was having a bad day myself, I would judge you for not having got it sorted with the two oldest and pity you for the bad behaviour they were showing the baby.
If I was having a good day, I would pity you and keep out of your way.
Noise is fine. Getting in people's way and handling the stock for a giggle is a good way to get yourself banned from the shop.
Sorry you are dealing with this.

Pictureiswonky · 14/03/2018 08:43

Your children should know how to behave at that age. I would think you are a very ineffective parent and I would definitely avoid whichever aisle you were in. Wrestling with other people around is completely unacceptable.

RedRedDogsBeg · 14/03/2018 08:44

Yes pictish!!!

VeganCow · 14/03/2018 08:44

I probably wouldnt even notice. We are all busy getting on with our own lives. I may notice the kids if they were very loud, but wouldnt look again at any of you or think anything about any of you.

chaplin1409 · 14/03/2018 08:45

Most likely a year ago I would of though wow they are a hand full but now my youngest is 11 I would feel quite annoyed that they are not behaving and possibly getting in the way of other shoppers but also feel sorry for you as it's hard work having lively children. I would also be secretly pleased I'm passed that stage now. All parents deserve medals for taking children in to a supermarket it is boring enough for an adult let alone a child. Will they help you with the shopping? Mine were better if they had something to focus on or bribe them if all else fails.

corythatwas · 14/03/2018 08:45

I am afraid by the time we're talking wrestling in the aisles, I would be wondering "why can't she at least keep the 4yo under control, put reins on him even if need be, if he will behave as a baby he must expect to be treated as a baby". I would be wondering why you relied on telling them to play nicely when there are more active ways of controlling small children.

Because that kind of behaviour does impact on other people, particularly the elderly, sick and/or disabled.

happyvalley74 · 14/03/2018 08:46

I'd wonder why you didn't either 1. make your kids behave nicely in public or 2. do online shopping.

If I'm in the supermarket and someone's kids are being extremely loud, touching the produce and wrestling on the floor, yeah I'd judge. I'd think you had no control.

EB123 · 14/03/2018 08:47

I would smile at you and indicate my own boys (7,5&1) who for some reason also get a bit giddy in supermarkets and are giggly and silly.

Dumbledoresgirl · 14/03/2018 08:47

I'm going to be complete honest: I would judge you. You can't control your boys' behaviour when they are out. That does not impress me because I have always been strict with my children over behaviour. And before anyone says anything, yes, I had 3 boys and a girl and sometimes took all 4 shopping and no, I did not allow them to pick up things or play fight.

As others have said, give them tasks to keep them occupied if they have an excess of energy.

Qvar · 14/03/2018 08:49

None of these to be honest, you describe yourself as a fairly standard looking mother

LimonViola · 14/03/2018 08:50

Actually, I like to see little boys behaving like little boys. I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.

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