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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

what would you think of me if you saw me with my kids today?

374 replies

beclev24 · 14/03/2018 03:25

I worry a lot about what people think in general. I always think that people are staring at me and thinking I'm a bad mum/ I'm not keeping my kids under control etc. So be honest- what would you think of me/ us if you saw us?

I have three boys- ages 7, 4 and a baby. My two elder ones are VERY exuberant/ naughty (depending on how you see these things)- so for eg, today in the supermarket, they were laughing loudly and hysterically at each other over everything, pointing at every item in the store or picking it up and making some joke about it/ laughing very loudly. They were play wrestling in the aisles/ jumping up and down etc (not running around, but definitely not walking quietly by my side either) . No matter how many tiems I tell them to quiet down/ calm down/ not touch things etc, they seem to be uncontainable and I always seem to be pulling them off stuff etc. IT's all good natured, and they never actually damage anything but it's full on, ALL THE TIME. If you saw me in this situation, would you hate me/ judge me or feel sorry for me, or none of these?

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 14/03/2018 05:52

Sorry, I would think they’re an absolute PITA. A bit of loud behaviour, no biggie, but wrestling and blocking aisles in the supermarket - no.

Mymycherrypie · 14/03/2018 06:00

I’m really sorry but if your child was wrestling/fighting and picking things up and you weren’t doing anything about it, then I’d tell them to behave and get out of my way myself because I’d assume you gave no shits. So I guess I’d think you were a push over or so ground down that you’ve lost perspective over what is acceptable in public places and what isn’t.

Do an online shop if you can’t stop them touching things.

Beanteam · 14/03/2018 06:05

I think I would be prepared for an almighty battle and make it no tv if they misbehave when out. Maybe give them 3 warnings. Make it last all day. Then 2days if they don’t respond to the punishment.
Might put a lock on the bedroom door to keep them there if staying in their room, one at a time, is part of the punishment because a naughty child is not going to run upstairs and sit quietly in their room for 10 mins, or whatever you order. I would have no probs being tough, a noisy wild child is not necessarily a happy one. And an exasperated mum is def not.

reallyanotherone · 14/03/2018 06:06

Wrestling is a bit much.

I would likely think you were one of those mothers who are very gender stereotyped, so doesn’t discipline “boy” behaviour like physical fighting and general rowdiness. Because “boys will be boys” and all that.

If you are a people watcher you see it all the time. The boys in a family behaving exactly like yours while the girls are reprimanded for the same behaviour and therefore don’t do it.

flumpybear · 14/03/2018 06:10

I'd think hhhmmmm if I could just slide my DS (5) in between your two boys you'd probably not even notice and I could shop in peace Wink

FWIW I keep mine in the trolley seat still (albeit I ha e to squish him in somewhat! )

EllieMe · 14/03/2018 06:12

I'd think they were badly behaved and you should do more to control them. No one likes shopping and badly behaved kids make the experience worse.

You've allowed them to get into the habit of doing this, you need to stop them. It isn't acceptable behaviour.

DragonMamma · 14/03/2018 06:14

I’m sorry but behaviour like this drives me up the wall and I’m afraid to say I would judge you for your lack of control at how naughty they were being in public.

My two would never, in a month of Sunday’s, be allowed to be this way in a public space such as a supermarket, it’s appalling behaviour and I’d come down on them like a tonne of bricks.

MudCity · 14/03/2018 06:24

I would think you didn’t know how to handle your children’s behaviour and they were badly behaved. I would also wonder why you don’t shop online and save everyone the hassle.

Their behaviour, as you describe it, is unacceptable.

Spikeyball · 14/03/2018 06:25

If it was the supermarket I use I would wonder why you didn't save yourself a lot of hassle and shop online because I would only take ds in for a very quick shop because supermarkets cause him sensory overload.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 14/03/2018 06:30

Ahh that’s the sort of thing me and my brother used to do.. sometimes we still pick stuff up now and make jokes 😂 as long as they ain’t running around and seriously affecting other people I’d find it quite funny 😂😂

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/03/2018 06:30

I don’t take my boys shopping

For fear or judgement as you note and the PURE stress of the havoc

I find it very hard to contain them too Grin

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/03/2018 06:31

Their behaviour, as you describe it, is unacceptable

Wow Shock
Shit Sad

So many perfect parents !

pictish · 14/03/2018 06:33

I wouldn’t be impressed with the wrestling I have to say....there’s a time and a place and that’s definitely not it. Also picking things up all the time...it’s probably harmless in all honesty but my kids wouldn’t do it. It’s bad manners to paw everything for the sake of it.
Otherwise, noisy kids jumping up and down etc...meh. I’d drift on past and not give them a second thought. I’ve had to stop my kids charging around the supermarket when they were younger too...I know it’s what kids want to do. The danger is they’ll knock into or injure someone else or even themselves though. I used to get quite stern about that.

Maybe you need to work on your kids accepting your authority a bit. Follow through on consequences a few times until they get that you mean what you say. It doesn’t sound like they take much notice of you and that needs to change.
Good luck x

MaidenMotherCrone · 14/03/2018 06:33

would think you didn’t know how to handle your children’s behaviour and they were badly behaved. I would also wonder why you don’t shop online and save everyone the hassle.

Their behaviour, as you describe it, is unacceptable.

This!

FindoGask · 14/03/2018 06:33

I would feel sympathy for you and be fervently glad I wasn't in your shoes but I wouldn't judge you. Lots of smug parents on this thread!

I used to find supermarkets a trial when my children were younger - I found it very difficult to focus on a long shopping list and proactively manage behaviour at the same time; plus I find supermarkets unsettling environments at the best of times. We've all got things we struggle with and that was one of mine. Doesn't make me a bad parent and neither are you! Online shopping was a godsend.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 14/03/2018 06:34

Tbh at least your aware what they were doing. Yesterday after school one of the mums who never knows what her children are doing coz she’s too busy yapping. She has 4 and they are all running around everyone. One of them a boy in the year above my DD threw one of them plastic tennis rackets across the playground and almost hit another child luckily I came my way and I put my foot out to stop it. He just smiled about, she had no idea and just kept calling him to come on.
You DS’s seem like they were just making fun out of a boring situation. Give them points for imagination 😊😊

Almostthere15 · 14/03/2018 06:34

I would give you a sympathetic smile. And think you should give yourself a break and online shop.

However, have you tried telling them what to do rather than not what to do. So come and walk by me please. Go ahead and find the bananas. Etc. It doesn't work with every child but many respond better to that. I totally get not everyone does though!

speakout · 14/03/2018 06:35

No matter how many times I tell them

Clearly that's not working.

I would judge yes.

Dipitydoda · 14/03/2018 06:36

I’d probably think you couldn’t cope with 3 tbh. It’s ok for kids to be a bit loud sometimes, but at that age they need to know play wrestling in aisles isn’t on, what happens if they knocked into an old lady and sent her flying? Do they pick up unwrapped fruit, bread? They need to be taught to behave appropriately in public with clear boundaries and consequences of stepping outside them

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/03/2018 06:37

am the mother of the 4 year old who once decided to get his willy out and pee onto the floor in an M&S Cafe

GrinGrinBlush

crazydoglady6867 · 14/03/2018 06:40

I wouldn’t think anything of you, as I try not to judge anyone unless I have walked a mile in their shoes, if they got in my way , and said sorry or looked even a bit sorry, I would say careful boys and move on. (Most) Children find shopping boring and will do anything to make it exciting. (My OH is the same!!) You must stop thinking about what others think, take time to enjoy your very happy children, give them both a little shopping list and get them to find what is on their list, make shopping an adventure not a chore and your attitude to them may change, which may calm down how you feel about them trying to enjoy the most boring fucking activity in the world.xxxx

UnicornRainbowColours · 14/03/2018 06:41

Since you asked and since I’m a Nanny...I wouldn’t judge you’ but I would wonder why your letting your child be in control.

That is not good behaviour, touching things and wrestling and getting in peoples way is rude and not great manners.

As others have suggested Make it fun, give them items to find, let them help choose veg and fruit.

When I’m out with older children I have a rule.
is unless they walk nicely and behave nicely they have to hold on to the trolley.

AjasLipstick · 14/03/2018 06:43

I wouldn't think anything. As I get older I seem to get more and more indulgent and think most kids are adorable, even when they're being shockers.

LoremIpsumMum · 14/03/2018 06:44

tb absolutely honest, I would think they were disobedient nuisances.
In a playground, park or your own house, fine.... but in a supermarket, I would find your children annoying. I would think you have got a lot on your hands with two young children and a baby, but it sounds as though you aren't trying that hard to contain them and you think they are entitled to behave like that and it's all faintly amusing and other people's feelings on the matter aren't as important as theirs.
Apart from the baby, they are old enough to understand about different behaviour in different situations.
I'm just being honest. I would just be irritated and pass on without further thought, but, seeing as you ask, that is what would flash through my mind.

maddiemookins16mum · 14/03/2018 06:48

I'd tut inwardly I'm afraid. Wrestling in the aisles, picking stuff up, no need really.
Get down to their height, look them in the eye, and firmly tell them what behaviour is acceptable and what is not - right before you enter the shop.
Give them a shopping list - 5 items each. When you're in that aisle they get to choose that item.
Otherwise, shop online and save the rest of us from such badly behaved kids.

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