what would you think of me if you saw me with my kids today?

[beclev24]

I worry a lot about what people think in general. I always think that people are staring at me and thinking I'm a bad mum/ I'm not keeping my kids under control etc. So be honest- what would you think of me/ us if you saw us?

I have three boys- ages 7, 4 and a baby. My two elder ones are VERY exuberant/ naughty (depending on how you see these things)- so for eg, today in the supermarket, they were laughing loudly and hysterically at each other over everything, pointing at every item in the store or picking it up and making some joke about it/ laughing very loudly. They were play wrestling in the aisles/ jumping up and down etc (not running around, but definitely not walking quietly by my side either) . No matter how many tiems I tell them to quiet down/ calm down/ not touch things etc, they seem to be uncontainable and I always seem to be pulling them off stuff etc. IT's all good natured, and they never actually damage anything but it's full on, ALL THE TIME. If you saw me in this situation, would you hate me/ judge me or feel sorry for me, or none of these?

I'd probably think 'oh thank god someone else's boys behave like feral beasts in the supermarket, not just mine!' And then I'd probably be a bit jealous of your baby because I can't have any more and I'm broody

we have more success with 'make it fun'/ a game but that is hard to sustain when you have a newborn/ are sleep deprived and have to get the shopping done etc. but yes i will work harder to do this.

One of mine is newborn. Another is nearly 2. It is hard, I totally get that, but you can’t expect outstanding behaviour to just come easy; hard work gives good gains. What you put in, you get back. For the time being at least, I haven’t had a teenager yet so who knows how that will go.

I also get they weren’t wrestling on the floor. But I don’t think any type of play fighting or jostling is acceptable in public tbh. On the floor, in the air, kids punching “playfully” each other is still kids punching each other.

I'd look at you and think that that was probably going to be my life in a few years (feral 3 and 1 yo).

auditqueen thanks v much- that means a lot.

If you were my friend I'd tell you to online shop for your own sanity and stick them in some warm clothes and take them to the park instead lol.

Seriously though anybody that genuinely judges a random stranger after seeing a couple of mins of their children's behaviour doesn't make sense.

Good luck you sound like you have your work cut out with them. I'm sure it's plenty of fun in between the trying to be a functional human being but that's just part and parcel of being a parent.

I'd think she's a fucking hero for managing those kids and a baby too. You're doing the absolute best you can. Then I'd remember why I'm only having one kid. Who cares what other people think. Your boys won't be play wrestling in Sainsbury's when they're 20... probably.

I worry that I have stifled my children with too strict expectations of how to behave when they were little. People (especially older ones) always commented on how good they were.
Now if I see a family like yourself I'm slightly jealous that I can never seem to be so relaxed with my children and think how nice for your boys to grow up with that feeling of freedom. I'm sure they won't be wrestling in a supermarket when they are adults.

Children should not be wrestling in supermarkets at any time.

solittletime do you think people magically transform into polite considerate adults when they turn 18?
have you never come across rude, inconsiderate, loud, obnoxious and entitled adults then?

I think you have been given an unfair kicking here OP. Trying to manage two energetic DC and a newborn would test most people, and supermarkets are always hard work at the best of times as DC are inevitably bored and looking for entertainment. In your shoes I'd really try to avoid taking all three shopping. Odd times that you really can't avoid it just know you are doing your best and go easy on yourself. I'm sure you are not a perfect parent, but I'm equally sure neither are the people giving you a hard time on here!

OP - despite the people with their judgey pants pulled right up here - I would sympathise.

However, forward planning is your saviour. Online delivery or Click and Collect for most shopping. Its much easier if you only have all 3 in the supermarket for emergency bits - and then just dash to where you want and leave. Even 24 hour shopping can help - go shopping with the baby when the bigger ones are in bed.

I also used with mine the rules about places I really wanted them to behave, and not to fret the rest. And lots of exercise.
I have also sat with mine in supermarket aisles when they refused to go on (keeping out of people's way). Frequently lost one - who was a darter.

You could try to turn any shopping trips into a pretend game. And they have to act like Royal courtiers, with lots of bowing and being polite and talking in funny "posh" voices.

My number one tip is to get enough sleep, its easier to be creative when you are not tired.
But most people aren't looking at you unless you really annoy them.

A 7 year old should know how to behave in a supermarket.
He is not a toddler.
Online shopping is simply avoiding the problem.
The 7 year old is old enough to be setting an example to his younger sibling, and eventually the baby.

The OP is doing her children a disservice by not allowing them to learn appropriate behaviour in a shop.

Online delivery or Click and Collect for most shopping.

Read the OP’s posts! There isn’t any where she is in the US.

I would feel a lot of sympathy and try to catch your eye to give you an understanding smile. That is if I even notice, I'd probably be too busy retrieving my toddler from amongst the loo rolls! Impressed you can manage 3 in a supermarket, I can barely keep tabs on one! We leave a trail of destruction behind us as she pulls everything off the shelves.

Sorry Soup - but this post is a bit long for me!

But in the US the supermarkets are half empty compared to what I am used to in the UK, and people pack your bags.

Okay - military campaign. Try to shop as much as possible when DH is minding the kids or send him with a list. Stock up your cupboards with lots of basics to cut down on trips. I did have a strict if you don't behave you have to sit in the trolley seat rule (I'd have the baby in a sling).

But basically do it like "supermarket sweep" as much as possible.

It surprises me that so many parents accept its ok that their children run wild in supermarkets. They can't see its their responsibility to teach their children how to behave in these situations.
If you don't know how to manage it there are books you can read to learn how to or there are trained people who can advise. A child's behaviour won't change by magic. It will only change when you change what you are doing.
It's certainly not easy for a lot of people but you can learn how to do it. It takes effort and commitment.

It's not difficult to stop a trail of destruction with one child. If you have a child that doesn't understand then you contain them so they can't do it. If I let mine loose he would have everything off the shelves so he doesn't get the option.

I would probably look at you with sympathy, and thank God I was going home to put my feet up. I must admit, and believe me I am not being smug, but if I went anywhere with my two boys when they were children, I can honestly say they were very well behaved. When I went food shopping, they helped me by fetching things I needed and putting them in the trolley. At the end of shopping, I bought them a comic and some sweets, which they read while I put shopping away. Don't get me wrong they could be naughty, and as rough and tumble as the next child, but they knew what was expected of them in certain situations.

yourbest I just think that it is possible to raise considerate adults without having to start worrying about that when they are 4.
It's a bit like the "teach your 3 month old to sleep or they will NEVER sleep again thing"
Different developmental phases cater to different skill sets. Yes my children are always seen as being super polite ( outside the house anyway, different story at home!!!) But I've also noticed it has had an effect on their confidence, their ability to make themselves noticed when they do something good at school etc.
There must be a balance but I do t think I found it..

beclev on a different note it is probably bed to avoid a big grocery shopping session with three children. For your own benefit!!!

OP - the thing is, you are feeling low and down on yourself and as such are probably punishing yourself by looking for confirmation you are a bad mum. You've already said that the wrestling was more pushing each other, not how it first comes across as tackling each other to the ground! I suspect their behaviour possibly wasn't as bad as you think but you're sleep deprived and probably low on tolerance at the mo. Look to the positives, they were happy and not arguing, some days I'd take that as a massive win. Of course you have to think of others too but we all have days when we don't put in the effort we perhaps should, usually through exhaustion.
I have three kids too and it is hard (hence my username ). Doesn't mean we shouldn't have had 3 and if someone actually posted that I'm sorry but that is just f*going rude and their opinion shouldn't count anyway. I'm in the uk , had 14mths off with baby 3 and my husband works earlies so was home early afternoon and I still struggled, sounds like you are doing flippin brilliantly.
As for would I judge you? depends on how I am that day, mostly no, I'd be glad for once it wasn't me and feel your stress. some days I'd be too sleep deprived myself to notice, some days I'd smile to see happy kids playing with each other and actually think they must come from a happy home and other days, when I'm grumpy and stressed myself, I might judge, but that would be more of a reflection on me than you. I know I've been guilty of feeling smug at times but usually because I'm actually feeling insecure about my own parenting at that moment and use a snapshot of someone else's life to convince myself I'm not so bad. That's my issue though, not the other parents.
Hope today is a better day for you and listen to your friend, she sounds great. Oh and as others have said, this site can be pretty horrendous, there are much better ones to help you if you want a shoulder to cry on. There's one im part of on fb if your interested, just let me know xx

Any of these options would work, but you seem to think it's hilarious and not a problem that she's 'leaving a trail of destruction'??

Shocked me too. Some parents seem to think children should just be allowed to do what the hell they like as if it's out of their control.