what would you think of me if you saw me with my kids today?

[beclev24]

I worry a lot about what people think in general. I always think that people are staring at me and thinking I'm a bad mum/ I'm not keeping my kids under control etc. So be honest- what would you think of me/ us if you saw us?

I have three boys- ages 7, 4 and a baby. My two elder ones are VERY exuberant/ naughty (depending on how you see these things)- so for eg, today in the supermarket, they were laughing loudly and hysterically at each other over everything, pointing at every item in the store or picking it up and making some joke about it/ laughing very loudly. They were play wrestling in the aisles/ jumping up and down etc (not running around, but definitely not walking quietly by my side either) . No matter how many tiems I tell them to quiet down/ calm down/ not touch things etc, they seem to be uncontainable and I always seem to be pulling them off stuff etc. IT's all good natured, and they never actually damage anything but it's full on, ALL THE TIME. If you saw me in this situation, would you hate me/ judge me or feel sorry for me, or none of these?

keep of course all kids misbehave - I don't think it's the misbehaviour that's the issue. It's the parents' complete inability to deal with the misbehaviour.

They sound like my DS2, and there's only one of him! Leave them to it.

I would think they are a bit annoying and then think poor you
I wouldn’t ponder on it for long

I might also think I’m glad I don’t have to drag my dc around and can do online shopping

I actually think it's almost cruel if parents can't be bothered to teach their children to behave (obviously not including SEN). It's a lot easier going through childhood if you know how to behave. People like children more if they behave well. and you are more likely to achieve at school etc.

Laughing loudly and joking. No problem. Better than hearing a whingey kid!

Jumping up and down (on the spot? Not bumping into anyone?) No problem.

Picking items off the shelves - not good. Especially if it's fresh/unwrapped items like fruit - I can't imagine their hands are daisy fresh so urgh. They should only get the items you've asked them to fetch. Other people will buy the things they've touched.

Play wrestling? Absolutely not on. Supermarket is not the place for this. They could easily get in someone's way/knock someone/be bashed with a trolley etc. That HAS to stop. I would think "control your kids!" if I saw this.

I probably wouldn't judge you as such but would find your boys very irritating and avoid that part of the shop , I detest children attention seeking from strangers in a captive audience situation

I might just wonder why you don't do your supermarket shop online

I have well behaved girls. But are they well behaved because of our parenting? Or because dh and I both quite quiet rule following types so our kids are easy by nature anyway with no SEN so how they are is no reflection on us?

If ops lads had different parents would their behaviour be better, or would they be like that anyway whoever parented them? I find this interesting and don't know the answers!

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/england-one-of-the-most-child-unfriendly-places-in-the-world-1887331.html

Oh and no Kaliforniadreamz we are NOT "perfect" parents, we are NORMAL parents with NORMAL standards of behaviour expected of our kids.

Its hardly perfect parenting to not let your children behave like animals in a supermarket

They weren't behaving like animals. What a disgusting thing to say.

It's also probably the ones saying 'wow, all these perfect parents!' that also let their kids create havoc in supermarkets (banks, restaurants, airport lounges...you get the idea).

Anyone with an ounce of consideration (or common sense) for others must see that the type of behaviour the boys exhibited is not on really, it's not rocket salad.

I'm all for chatting, laughing, even excited children 'playing' a game 'right Lily, your turn to choose the bananas and weigh them, Alfie, you can pick 2 packets of biscuits etc etc'. But the behaviour the (long gone) op describes is bloody awful. She's doing nobody any favours, herself, her boys and the staff and customers. The fact people are saying 'I'd leave them to it', says a lot.

Before I had my child, I would have rolled my eyes and thought you were a lazy parent with bratty annoying children.

Now, you would have my every sympathy! Managing 3 young kids in a supermarket is no joke, or anywhere else for that matter. I couldn't do it, hence I only have one and that is difficult enough at times!

So, I would say the Ines who judge you will be people without children who have no experience as to just how overexcitable and uncontrollable they can be. Or, the older generation who have simply forgotten how hard it is.

Maybe online shopping would be a good idea for your own sanity though?!

I'd think you've got your hands full and feel a bit sorry for you. I'd also think you should try harder at reigning them in a bit and that if you can't leave them with anyone while you do your shop you should do it on line. For your sake if no one else's as it doesn't sound much fun!

Definitely online shopping is to be recommended, or going whilst the 7 year old is at school, and presumed the 4 year old is at preschool sometimes? That would make the OP's life easier, and be fairer to other shoppers.

If you're still on here, OP, if you have to take all 3 of them with you, I have found that bribery works a treat. They can be allowed 1 or 2 items if they behave. My DDs have pocket money they can spend in these situations. (I don't take them much as I find it hard to think when I'm managing my DDs and appreciate time to browse.)

Its irritating how people try and shut down anyone giving parenting advice by saying sarcastically "ohhhh you must be a perfect parent".
As it happens, it's literally my job to advise on parenting.

I’ve got three kids. None of them behave like this in the supermarket. I don’t encourage play fighting really, it almost always goes too far, and a supermarket isn’t the place, it’s not a park. If I can’t do online, I try to make it a bit more interesting like - who can find me the best date on the bread, pick a flavour of soup, choose the dinner for tonight, try and find the tomato pack with the most tomatoes in it, who can add it up to the nearest £1, weigh me exactly 100g of grapes, everyone picks a bag of sweets at the start that sits like a trophy in the trolley that they can have in the checkout queue IF they’ve been good, who wants to touch my card to pay for the shopping etc. Yeah it’s boring as hell and not really “fun” but no one stares at me like I’m a bad mum. In fact the kids have often been given a coin from an old lady for being so good. Try something else OP, it’s not working.

I have left shopping in the trolley in tesco took kids home. No treats no TV no nothing.

I feel like we were very strick with the kids when they were younger but if you want children who listen to you and do what you expect without having to shout or bribe you need to put your foot down early in my opinion.

A lot of the time, people that think their strictness when their children were young, that took years but they finally learnt - have you ever considered that your kids just grew out of it?

Branleuse

On another thread you were in support of a woman allowing her children to run amok in a supermarket half eating vegetables and putting it back.

There is such a thing as unacceptable behaviour regardless of age.

Unfortunately some people seem to think that their desires or their children desires trump the basic comfort of those around them.

Im actually stood in the corridor instead of the waiting room at a doctors waiting for my charge right now as I can't handle being around a mother letting her child be rude to others and run wild in the waiting area. It happens every week.
Right now this child is POKING A STRANGERS SLEEPING BABY and after half heartedly saying no a few times, the mother is just smiling indulgently.
The child is at least 5.

I disagree that the people judging don't have kids or are old. I've got 3 children... Age 5, 3 and 1. I don't drive and don't like online shopping so we regularly pop to the supermarkets on foot together. Are mine sometimes a bit loud and excitable.. Course they are. Are they allowed to wrestle and take things from shelves, absolutely not.

There's a real difference between kids being kids and kids being naughty.

Oh yes Branleuse, that must be the way forward.

Let your kids do what they want and hope they grow out of it.

Sounds nice and relaxing.

Well, you asked - I would think that you are not able to control your kids in a public place, which means they have not been taught correct behaviour and boundaries. I'd also think that while it can be a pain for shoppers, particularly the elderly/disabled who might fear being knocked into etc, you have made a huge rod for your own back!

All the pps saying "there's a time and a place", DS2 can't stop moving. I've watched all his class in school assemblies and he's the only one who never stops moving. He even hops from foot to foot when he's on the tablet.