Mum Just Lectured At Me About DS's Long Hair

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My mum has DS one day a week during working hours. He's 3. He has gorgeous long curly blond hair. We've never cut it apart from the fringe - it's quite long now (shoulders).

He is also keen on clambering about outside, and jumping in puddles. When clothes are new they don't remain looking new for long - some marks won't wash out. Some of his clothes are hand-me-downs and are not out-of-shop brand new - so have some marking.

She's just brushed his hair (making it look more brushed, but to me terrible and the lovely curls have gone) and given me a 10 minute lecture about the fact that it's not fair and that it'll be scarring him for life because people will be judging him and thinking he's either odd for having long hair while being a boy, or that he'll be scarred by being confused as a girl - and that when he goes to school he'll be teased by other children and it'll scar him for life.

She thinks her friends disapprove of his hair and his regular mild grubbiness. She finds this very difficult to deal with and feels embarrassed to be seen out with him.

I mildly angrily said perhaps she should change her friends. She said the problem was that even if I was right with my ideals and choices about how society should be, people out there are judgey and.... yep... he'd be scarred for life.

A lot of boys have long hair these days don't they?

And quite a lot of them are quite grubby quite often aren't they?

Example of a thread where "blonde" is often accompanied by "gorgeous", "adorable" etc, or even just stated as a fact, in a way you never would see with "brunette", "brown" and only occasionally do with "red" or "ginger" (latter mostly to make a point). Blonde = desirable, apparently.

I just find these attitudes about hair so sexist. Why are boys expected to have short hair and girls long hair. Who made these rules up and why does it matter? As long as the child's hair is clean, well looked after and not in their eyes (and the child is happy about their hair) what is the problem? It's the same social expectations that boys have to wear sludge coloured clothes with macho pictures and girls pink, glittery stuff.

Mere I'm just guessing that no one wants to be pushing hair out of their face when they're busy doing something, or getting it caught in things or stuck in food? It may be the owner of the hair likes it enough to not mind having to push it out of the way.

Well apparently it's FINE for little girls to have hair all up in their faces/dinner.

I don't buy the generational thing either. FIL was forever going on about DS's girly long hair. His flat is full of pictures of DH and BiL with long 70s boy haircuts.

My guess is that he had no objections in the 70s because most little boys had longish hair then. So for him it's just about conforming to current norms and worrying about what other people think. Meh to that.

No its not fine for girls to have long hair 'all up in their faces/dinner' . I keep my dds hair plaited or in other styles that takes the hair out of their faces. Any child, male or female looks scruffy when their hair is just left. Its not just about it looking scruffy either, its painful to brush if left.

Dirt is GOOD for kids! There's a hypothesis that the rise in allergies is due to kids not getting exposed to as many bacteria as they did back in the day.

I understand people not wanting to cut their toddler's hair, or not cut it very often. Toddlers have been known to freak out or throw tantrums when they get their hair cut.

My dad was born in 1938, and he is grandfather to my 2.5 yo DS. He and my mum don't provide much child care, true.

My son doesn't wear sludge coloured clothes. There's absolutely loads of bright colours for boys these days....people just love getting annoyed about this. Ds has jumpers from all over and other than one that is khaki and one maroon the others are super bright. One grey and yellow, one bright yellow, one bright green and one bright orange just to name a few. Equally my dds have some pink clothes but looking through it all most is actually purple, navy, green or grey.

I don't think it's fine for girls to have long unbrushed hair all in their faces. It's unusual to see boys with any sorts of hairslides or clips holding it out of the way though.

Geekymommy, I reckon a lot of the times that's because they're not used to it. That's part of the reason I started having Ds's hair cut early on.

I agree dirt is good for children, mine play outside almost every day. I don't think there's any need for filthy ratty hair though

My 3 yo son has silky shoulder length hair, although it's dead-straight. I must admit I've never brushed it as it's so soft it never seems to tangle. It never occurred to me - maybe I should start.

I just find these attitudes about hair so sexist. Why are boys expected to have short hair and girls long hair.

Agree. So many people have said they hate long hair on boys, do they hate it on girls to? Is it 'manky' and 'try hard' for girls to have long hair?
Having a penis make any difference to what your hair looks like long.

You don't brush curly hair. My mother used to do that to my ds and it looked awful. I laughed at her, as should you OP.

you don't have to brush any kind of hair, but it doesn't hurt to do it. Matted tangled hair, even curly, is not that great.

You do it with your fingers, or a very wide toothed comb type thing.

OK folks, lighten up.At least your mothers didn't equate long hair (in girls) with street walking.Guess who grew her hair the moment she came of age.And walked out with males(gasp) a wee bit too( only to the movies but that was about as bad!).[shock}

OneStep - you don't need to brush hair regularly if it's curly. I think I brushed mine last about 15 years ago when I straightened it. Brush it and I look like crystal tipps

babyboomersrock phew, I'm glad my mother isn't the only pre-1950 grandma to a preschooler out there! She looks after DS (4) a couple of days a week. She's a faded flower child. She has no issue with DS's long (by his choice) hair. Or mud ;-) In fact, all his grandparents were born during WW2 or shortly after and none of them have batted an eyelid about the hair.

My hair was last brushed in about 1992 I think.
If you are going to brush curly hair at all you do it before you wash it.

she'd love my ds 8, has long hair and no plans on cutting it i couldnt give a flying if people judged ...and yes there are boys with longer hair, its quite commonplace niw.

His hair sounds gorgeous! Please don't cut it!

I'm not keen on long hair on girls either, especially really long hair. It's a bit princessy.

Jason Momoa seems to cope fine with long hair. He doesn't seem scarred!

he'll be scarred by being confused as a girl . Ah must tell my long haired, very butch 26 year old.