Mum Just Lectured At Me About DS's Long Hair

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My mum has DS one day a week during working hours. He's 3. He has gorgeous long curly blond hair. We've never cut it apart from the fringe - it's quite long now (shoulders).

He is also keen on clambering about outside, and jumping in puddles. When clothes are new they don't remain looking new for long - some marks won't wash out. Some of his clothes are hand-me-downs and are not out-of-shop brand new - so have some marking.

She's just brushed his hair (making it look more brushed, but to me terrible and the lovely curls have gone) and given me a 10 minute lecture about the fact that it's not fair and that it'll be scarring him for life because people will be judging him and thinking he's either odd for having long hair while being a boy, or that he'll be scarred by being confused as a girl - and that when he goes to school he'll be teased by other children and it'll scar him for life.

She thinks her friends disapprove of his hair and his regular mild grubbiness. She finds this very difficult to deal with and feels embarrassed to be seen out with him.

I mildly angrily said perhaps she should change her friends. She said the problem was that even if I was right with my ideals and choices about how society should be, people out there are judgey and.... yep... he'd be scarred for life.

A lot of boys have long hair these days don't they?

And quite a lot of them are quite grubby quite often aren't they?

No plans to report anyone for keeping their kids' hair long.
As for what silent judging I do about the parents (I'm sure you'd judge me, btw, that's why I don't say anything).
I think it turns children into ickle dolls and not people. I also say that TO MYSELF about little girls with pierced ears or designer shoes when they can't walk. Or bow head band things.
Like I say, I keep silent in real life. I'm sure I do stuff with my dd that you'd judge me for. But you did ask.
As before, I think mud is the sign of a good day out.

I have a 2 year old ds. He also gets grubby quickly and has long blonde curls.

I am in a complete quandary about cutting it. Both dm and mil think I should. My dm says that I'm programed to think it looks cute but that everyone else sees his hair and would think he looks scruffy and unkempt. It gets washed and conditioned twice a week but mostly left in between.

He's never made me think he doesn't like it and he's never been mistaken for a girl (that actually would make me consider cutting it) But I do know of people who cut their children's hair and the curls never came back so I'm keen to keep ds like this for as long as I can.

I can see the marks. They’re at the bottom of the zip, dark marks either side. Maybe what you see depends on screen resolution? It’s okay on it’s own and I would still use it. But if it’s coming in tandem with matted hair and other stained threadbare clothes, there might be a problem.

Did I miss my stop and wake up in Stanmore 1958?

How many three year olds have grandmothers old enough to have bought early Elvis Presley records as they were released? Not many, I suspect: I would be surprised if there are many three year olds with grandmothers born before 1950. So why on earth are they worrying about the length of hair on men?

My 20mo DS has lovely long curly hair (ringlets!). DH & my dad hate it. All the women (MIL, SIL, my mum, sisters) absolutely adore it. Leave his gorgeous curly hair while he's young. When he's old enough he can then decide what to do with it

DS2 has always had long ringlets and thick black eyelashes, and when he was a toddler my aunt told me to get his hair cut as he would attract paedophiles

I also have long curly hair and I don't own a hairbrush or comb or use shampoo. I detangle with my fingers when I co-wash and that's that. It probably looks a bit messy sometimes but I don't care.

My 4 year old boy has long hair (middle of his back when it’s down). I wash/brush it the same way I do mine and have the ends trimmed to all one length. He often wears it in a top knot.

People 99% of the time think he is a girl on first meeting but he just says ‘I’m a boy not a girl’ and that’s that. He doesn’t see it as a ‘bad’ thing for people to mistake him for a girl, he just considers it on par with someone calling him the wrong name by mistake.

He is fully aware it is different for a small boy- there aren’t any round here/nursery etc with long hair, but he says he doesn’t mind.

If your son is happy that is all that matters. We don’t all have to look the same.

I know plenty of three year olds whose grandparents were born before WWII but, as you were.

I wonder if your mum was poor when you were little? I think poorer people do get judged if their children aren't presentable and look a bit dirty and unkempt. She might still have a chip on her shoulder about people judging her in that way?

Perhaps you could reach a compromise somehow? Make a real effort to dress him in clean looking clothes when she looks after him but keep his long hair? It would be a shame to fall out with your mum over this.

How many three year olds have grandmothers old enough to have bought early Elvis Presley records as they were released?

And yet still people are calling them 'old biddies' and 'old crows'.....

When DS was little, DH had longish hair himself; DS was his mini me.

I think one of the best things you can do for your children is to teach them not to worry about random people's opinions or criticisms. It's hard to bully someone who responds to taunts with "Yeah whatever "

Grandparents born before WW11 of 3 year olds!

Jesus my parents were born during WW11 and they are late 80s. I am 50 and my youngest is 18!

Surely most 3 year olds have grandparents my age?

To add I know a friends mil who took her son to have his hair cut on her watch without permission.

That’s truly shocking behaviour

I know plenty of three year olds whose grandparents were born before WWII

Then they're at least 79 years old, and therefore unlikely to be providing regular child care. And even they were only 30 when the Beatles were in their pomp. So I'm sorry, I just don't buy the "it's old people who don't understand men with long hair", unless they've been living under a rock for most of their adult life. My grandparents got worked up about it, but one of my grandparents was born in the 19th century.

Think your maths is a bit off there. Say, born in 1941. Not going to be in their late 80s.
My mum was born well before WWII and, if she was still alive, she'd be in her late 80s.

I think long hair is great on boys. My son has had long hair most of his life, it suits him. He's 23 (and a surfer) now, with long curly blonde hair which he ties back or jams under a hat when he's working/surfing.
I'm a grandma and wouldn't dream of telling my daughter how to dress or style her children's hair. I love my grandchildren regardless of their looks. Three year olds need to play outdoors and get grubby. Save the smart clean clothes for the odd special occasion and dress your son how you want. You're his mum so you get to decide how long or short his hair is whilst he's only 3, no one else does.

Think your maths is a bit off there. Say, born in 1941.

So, not before WW2 then.

"Before WW2" means born before September 1939. Someone born on the day WW2 started (for England) will be 79 this September.

They would have been 23 when the Beatles released "Please Please Me".

Not going to be in their late 80s.

I said "At least 79 years old". I'll correct myself: there are six months of births, between March 1939 and September 1939, who are "before World War 2" and 78, not 79.

ian

I'm 36, my mum's 70 (no grandchildren... yet) and was a hippie. Her brothers were hippies with long hair. She'd bloody love boys with long hair, as long as it's not in their eyes while playing.

My nan, however, is 95 and would be horrified. I think people are getting generations confused.

My nan, however, is 95 and would be horrified. I think people are getting generations confused.

Exactly.

You won’t catch ‘gay’ from having long hair but neither will you catch ‘performing gender’ by having it cut.

Short hair is generally easier to manage and harder to pull. If a boy is genuinely expressing a preference for long hair (and does not mind keeping it clean/having it washed and combed) that is fine. If, on the other hand. a right-on parent loves her long haired boy to make a political statement, that is not fine.

Additionally, if a grand parent is participating in the bringing up of a child, they are entitled to an opinion (although a 10 minute lecture seems OTT).

Really, cuboid? Did WWII start in September 1939. Well I never knew that .....
IThe pp who was said her parents were born in the middle of WWII and were therefore in their mid 80s has dodgy maths. I was speculating that mid war meant 1941 ish. Which wouldn't... oh never mind.

grubby kids are fine, not brushed hair hmmm, boys with long hair not my preference but you are his parent it is up to you, the only things I would say are make sure you get it maintained so it stays healthy and he gets used to a hairdressers also think about when he goes to school - the other kids may make fun of him (I have experience of this happening to a relatives child) and then the blinking dreaded nits problem, I have a DD that has long hair, for school it is ALWAYS tied back and sprayed with Ellnette to try & deter the little buggers. Our school also don't allow long hair to be down for pe - it has to be tied back so just bear this in mind for him. As for your mother tell her to mind her beeswax and maybe explain how she has to brush it if she insists?

Ds3 (11) has long blond hair half way down his back. He has no plans to get it cut any time soon. He is happy to tie it up for sport. It does need washed every day though but he sees to it himself so the choice is his.

I have 5 boys and a girl my 10 yr old had eye catching blond beach boy hair everyone calls him handsome D my 8 yrs old has shoulder length blond hair with tight ringlets the rest apart from my girl have short back and sides and slick on the top it comes down to what style suit your boy. Don't let anyone tell you how to deal with what sounds a happy, action packed little boy let him enjoy been just that

I would be surprised if there are many three year olds with grandmothers born before 1950

Well, here's one such grandmother, and I know quite a few. Most of our DC were born in the 70s/80s when boys tended to have longer hair. Most of our male partners had long hair too.

I see lots of little boys with long hair and it's my personal preference; but I love my grandchildren no matter what they look like - they're not some sort of accessory for grandparents to display.

For those who dislike long hair on little boys - do you feel the same about long hair on little girls? If not, may I ask why?