“I apologise if I’ve offended you”

[MadMaryBoddington]

AIBU to think this is a mealy-mouthed, patronising, inadequate excuse for an apology.

Just had ‘words’ with a van driver who had mounted the kerb and was driving with two wheels along the pavement on the village high street this morning.

Five year old ds was running ahead of me on the way to school, and suddenly there was this van driving along the pavement towards him. I yelled at ds to STOP, he did, about three metres in front of the van. Van carried on moving. I raced up to him, grabbed ds, and the driver then pulled off the kerb as I approached his window to yell at him.

He did not appear to think he’d done anything wrong. He ‘apologised if he had offended me’. Offended! I asked if he had children and how he would feel if he saw his child running along a pavement with a large vehicle approaching along it. He said he did have kids, and that he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’.

I’m raging. The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour. It always makes me angry but they do at least usually stop dead if they see a pedestrian and pull off the pavement straight away. This guy carried on driving.

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary. It’s typical that this morning I had my hands full with musical instruments and bags and so on and was momentarily distracted by saying something to dd behind me, and ds had run further ahead than I’d have liked.

Ironically it was a Highways Agency van.

Gabilan that's so upsetting, poor little girl, didn't stand a chance

Jena and Adorabelle , yes, it was horrendous. But I posted that link because of all the people on here who seem to think that driving on the pavement for a bit is harmless, and it's up to people on foot to be careful. Hundreds of people each year are killed or injured by people driving on the pavement. It isn't just a slip, or something that's acceptable. It's deadly. No-one should be doing it. (Not saying that either of you were excusing the behaviour, just explaining why I posted the link).

I don’t think YABU, the situation yiu found yourself in is one parents of more than 1 find themselves in daily; having to juggle and listen to someone in front and behind. The van should NEVER mount the pavement here, as small kids cannot be clearly seen by the driver. It’s so dangerous. A wee one could easily be unseen.

Totally over reacted

What arrant nonsense some people are posting about OP being partly to blame for not having her school-aged child by the hand at all times on a village street on the way to school. What about people with more than two children? Should they just home educate, to be on the safe side?

This tosser was driving on the pavement, breaking the law, and his "apology" was the height of passive aggressive cockwomblery. Hell yeah, I hope he gets the sack. Talk about being in the wrong job. If I were his boss I'd make him erect the fucking bollards himself and THEN sack him.

If I were his boss I'd make him erect the fucking bollards himself and THEN sack him.

Fuck me, I can't even begin to understand how anyone could think that the OP here 'over-reacted'. It's fine for a smallish child not to be glued to his or her mother's side the entire time they're out in public. It isn't fine for a motor vehicle to mount the kerb and continue driving even when it's obvious that vulnerable pedestrians are at risk. It just isn't.

This sort of shit is happening more and more in my own town too. And there is a similarly muted or ambivalent reaction. What if the pedestrian is slow-moving because of age or frailty? What if they have limited eye-sight? What about people who are chatting as they walk along, assuming that no fucker is about to ram into them with a van? PAVEMENTS ARE FOR PEDESTRIANS. is that so bloody hard to understand?

As to your original question OP, “I’m sorry if I offended you” doesn’t make sense to me, as an apology or anything else except if the speaker said something that was unintentionally offensive.

“I’m sorry if you feel that way”, is something I say when I am not apologetic for the thing I did/said, but when I feel for the person who is suffering the consequences. It’s somethinf that happens in unavoidably shit situations.

So no, YANBU.

Bloody hell what’s the matter with some of you. Stop rolling your eyes like teenagers, no the child didn’t get hurt, but children should feel safe on pavements. The guy did not apologise properly and definitely shouldn’t have mounted the pavement.

I'm amazed at the responses. YANBU. Report the van to the police. It is nothing to do with the apology. It is illegal, and very dangerous to drive on pavements. Pavements are there for pedestrians. I'm fed up with pedestrians losing their right to be safe. The same applies to adults cycling on pavements. If you don't feel safe in the road, walk like the rest of us!

The driver is the only one at fault here. Not the mother and not the child. The driver was breaking the law. The law is there to protect the pedestrian walking on the pavement. Any child should have been able to walk, skip or run along that pavement without having to look out for or worry about cars and/or vans mounting the pavement and driving towards him/ her. How can anyone say that this is in any way the mothers fault?. Her child stayed within her view. She was obviously looking out for her child. Her child was not far from her. She had the right to assume that her child would be safe walking or running along the pavement. The child wasn’t being silly or wandering onto the road. Glad she reported him. I hope he is disciplined and made an example of. Too many people think the law only applies to other people. Accidents happen because of idiot drivers not obeying the rules of the road. I just hope no one gets killed or seriously injured before action is taken to make the road safer and stop drivers like this from driving dangerously.

As a non driving pedestrian this is something I experience daily - but cyclists rather than van drivers usually. It makes me really cross.
They have no legal right to be on the pavement. None at all. If riding on the road is too scary - walk! When I cycle I cycle on the road......... Often they are cycling on the pavement along roads that barely have any cars.

Asking me to move aside or more often zooming past and making me jump or worse practically cycling into me all because they apparently "cant" cycle on quiet residential roads with few cars.

YANBU op. He was driving along the pavement and only stopped when he was three metres from your child. Totally not ok.

And his apology was rubbish.

Can't you report him to the police, you may not know his name or the number plate of the van...but you do know his description of what he looks like and that the van was a highways agency van. It wouldn't be hard for the police to check with highways agency and find which van/driver was in your area...people need to learn to follow the rules of the road, not their own rules...he sounds like an idiot, seeing a child co.ing up the road and still drives forward on the path towards the child...he needs reporting, if you hadn't called to your child and rushed to intervene it doesn't bear thinking about what could have happened

*coming...not co.ing autocorrect

I was wondering how long it would be before a thread about someone driving on the pavement became an excuse to bash cyclists.

Cyclists are an untouchable subject now are they? So it's okay to talk about motor vehicles illegally mounting curbs but not cyclists?

Gabilan that news story is horrendous... poor little girl

OP I would also make a complaint about this driver. He had no business being on the pavement in the first place and obviously was not observant enough to notice your child. I would be absolutely furious and would not hesitate to report him.

And as for those posters who say you should have been holding your child's hand -

There are a lot of different views on here, so I am going to give you this story, it's about my beautiful brother.

Children sometimes have no sense of danger, they get distracted and over excited. This was the case with my brother. He was six, and the routine was that he came out of school walked 25 yards up the road to the lollipop lady who would see him over the road and then wait for the bus (10 mins) and my mum would be waiting to meet him of the bus. I was in the juniors and I would be let out half an hour later same routine my mum would be waiting with my brother for me.

So all was good, except one day he decided to cross the road before the lollipop lady had stepped out to stop the traffic, and got hit by a car. One of the most harrowing sights of my life was the ambulance and then being told it was my little brother in there. Before any do-Gooder says my mum should have picked him up from school we lived three miles away and she was a single Mum with two little ones at home, so let's not go there.

All I can say is this, always keep hold of your beautiful children's hands at all times along busy roads. Drill them on the dangers of traffic and to always walk on the inside of the pavement. If this story helps just one of you, then it's a good thing. Remember there are idiots driving out there, whilst on their mobile phones for God's sake, and some of them are probably reading this. I have noticed lately how many people do this, I was on the motorway last week and the car in front was all over the place wobbling from lane to lane, it turned out the stupid bitch was texting and had two kids in the car!! For everyones sake put the bloody phone down!

Can't believe the idiot responses on here.
Pavements are for pedestrians. I'm pretty sure we aren't holding our kids hands all the time when on a pavement. The child was ahead but not running out of control.

The van saw the child but continued driving along anyway. If the child fell and the van kept moving it could have went over him.

The van driver knew he was wrong but isn't arsed. I'd report If you can.

Sorry her not him

If you feel he was driving dangerously I would be inclined to report him.

I'm so sorry, @Icepinkeskimo that's so awful.

I don’t suppose you got his vehicle number? Next time contact the employers and make a formal complaint. Not “ I screamed at your driver and he apologised” but “ your vehicle nearly hit my small child, he said he was sorry if it upset me, but that is not enough”
I would have been hysterical if it was me.
You fail your driving test if you go onto the pavement.
If you aren’t sure about contacting the employers then post it onto Facebook. Name and shame.

Icepinkeskimo

For the recent posters who have asked - yes I took the registration, and yes I reported him. I also emailed our local councillor who is taking action on the problem in general and who will be using my experience as evidence that something needs to be done.

FFS, ANY excuse to crowbar kicking cyclists in. You know, coz they are just as leathal as drivers, aren't they?