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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“I apologise if I’ve offended you”

344 replies

MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 09:19

AIBU to think this is a mealy-mouthed, patronising, inadequate excuse for an apology.

Just had ‘words’ with a van driver who had mounted the kerb and was driving with two wheels along the pavement on the village high street this morning.

Five year old ds was running ahead of me on the way to school, and suddenly there was this van driving along the pavement towards him. I yelled at ds to STOP, he did, about three metres in front of the van. Van carried on moving. I raced up to him, grabbed ds, and the driver then pulled off the kerb as I approached his window to yell at him.

He did not appear to think he’d done anything wrong. He ‘apologised if he had offended me’. Offended! I asked if he had children and how he would feel if he saw his child running along a pavement with a large vehicle approaching along it. He said he did have kids, and that he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’.

I’m raging. The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour. It always makes me angry but they do at least usually stop dead if they see a pedestrian and pull off the pavement straight away. This guy carried on driving.

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary. It’s typical that this morning I had my hands full with musical instruments and bags and so on and was momentarily distracted by saying something to dd behind me, and ds had run further ahead than I’d have liked.

Ironically it was a Highways Agency van.

OP posts:
DullAndOld · 13/03/2018 13:22

no Hazell 'sorry if I have offended you' when you have just mounted the pavement in a motor vehicle and scared a mum witless, is NOT 'fine'.

It is no kind of apology at all, it is the kind that puts the 'blame' firmly on the other person.

LeighaJ · 13/03/2018 13:23

I don't want to see a van mount the kerb and start driving on it when it's just me walking on it and I'm an adult. So I can see how one would be upset seeing a van do that near their child.

LimonViola · 13/03/2018 13:25

I have only read six pages so this may have been asked already.

OP, did your child not see the van coming towards him? I'm struggling to imagine a scenario where a five year old is running along a pavement with their eyes open and didn't see a van driving towards him!

You've already done what you can re the van driver, it may be worth ensuring your child knows to keep his eyes open and stay aware of his surroundings when he's near a road as well, as it seems odd that according to your OP you had to shout at him to stop. Would he really have just continued running into a van?

womanformallyknownaswoman · 13/03/2018 13:29

Not an apology (more like verbal abuse implying you're to blame for his offending) and the van driver was totally in the wrong.

blueshoes · 13/03/2018 13:29

Chelle: Not every driver will be as careful as the one in question.

Are you the driver?

ginplease8383 · 13/03/2018 13:31

I’d make a complaint too. He sounds like an idiot. What he’s said doesn’t even make sense

elisenbrunnen · 13/03/2018 13:37

Limon maybe the van was coming at him from behind?

SurferRona · 13/03/2018 13:38

Well done on reporting him OP, and I hope that HA will follow up as is clearly required. Go back to your parish council and borough council to get bollards installed on your pavement, it's what we've had to do in our village to stop this total disregard for pedestrians safety in our village centre. There are lots of heritage ones which look pretty too, and with local elections approaching I bet councillors will bend over backwards to help you!

Chickenagain · 13/03/2018 13:44

YANBU and I'm glad you reported him too. Hopefully he will be spoken to and will drive in a safer manner in future.
You can use it too to train your son - "Remember when that silly man drove along the pavement at you? Stick close to mummy!"

Oblomov18 · 13/03/2018 13:55

I think there is a time and a place for such a 'non-apology' and this setting was fine.

And I don't think OP should have let her dc scoot ahead.

DullAndOld · 13/03/2018 13:58

oblomov, pavements are for pedestrians, not cars.
It is that simple.
What kind of an idiot is mounting the pavement at school run time?

blueshoes · 13/03/2018 14:02

Bollards sounds like a good solution. Yours will be a good example to the council why they are necessary.

MrPan · 13/03/2018 14:06

And I don't think OP should have let her dc scoot ahead. in case a van driver wanted to drive on the pavement as it was a quicker way for him to get where he was going. Cars and vans always come first. Everywhere."

MarklahMarklah · 13/03/2018 14:09

So many people seem to be not understanding.

I'll recap. Driving on the pavements is illegal and dangerous. Whether the OP was holding her child's hand or not, the van driver was driving on the pavement. He apologised if he offended her. He didn't applogise for driving illegally and putting people's lives at risk.
The mindset of anyone who thinks that OP is in the wrong stumps me. I guess it's the same people who think it's okay to drive across a zebra crossing behind someone as they've cleared your bumper, or the same people who think it's okay to stop and wait at or by zebra crossings or on double yellow lines because whatever they're doing "will only take a minute", or people who drive out of the entrance of car parks because it saves them approx 000.1 second of time. Or people who think it's okay to drive over the speed limit....Angry

InspMorse · 13/03/2018 14:11

The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour.
I think if you're aware of this then YWBU to let your child run ahead knowing that with your arms full of musical instruments you would find it hard to catch up.

Dungeondragon15 · 13/03/2018 14:17

It doesn't matter whether OP was or wasn't holding her child's hand, driving on pavements is illegal and dangerous for all pedestrians full stop. As for all those parents who always hold their children's hands, I bet you only have toddlers. Will you be holding their hands until they are 18. Will you ever let them walk by themselves?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2018 14:21

Whether it's illegal or not that doesn't mean that some drivers won't drive on the pavement at this particular spot Dungeon.

Samantha77hat · 13/03/2018 14:24

Mummyoflittledragon Good on you for reporting him. It would be good if he were be made to go on a driving refresher course, the sort of thing speeding motorists go on.

On your say so? Yep. Not gonna happen.

Op if they do it all the time there as you make out, hold the child’s hand

Lizzie48 · 13/03/2018 14:30

Drivers should certainly take care to avoid driving on the pavement, especially on narrow pavements and in the vicinity of a primary school during the school run. It's very obviously a time to drive more carefully. Hmm

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 13/03/2018 14:31

I sympathise, we get this a lot in our village, linear village with a big bend in the road and lots of parked cars. Once had a police car come though at speed which left the lorry coming the other way with nowhere to go except up the path. He came straight along the path at us. I literally grabbed both of my children and yanked them back onto the grass as his wheels went past about a foot from us. The wheels were bigger than my children. He just carried on. I was shaking, it was so scary. The police car that had caused it all was long gone. I wish I’d got his number.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 13/03/2018 14:31

Not really relevant, but was this in Goudhurst?

Dungeondragon15 · 13/03/2018 14:46

Whether it's illegal or not that doesn't mean that some drivers won't drive on the pavement at this particular spot Dungeon.

The same could be said of any illegal activity/crime. I doubt that you would tell victims of others crimes that the perpetrator was only partly to blame for their illegal activity though because they hadn't done enough to prevent the crime.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2018 14:50

No I am not saying that as well you know. Surely you understand that even when something is illegal it doesn't stop people doing it?

Is this really that hard for you to comprehend?

RadioGaGoo · 13/03/2018 14:50

No GreatDuckCookery, as hypocrisy is rife on MN and people just like to feel superior to others.

RadioGaGoo · 13/03/2018 14:52

Oh, you are still at it. That was to your response at 11.30 ish.