“I apologise if I’ve offended you”

[MadMaryBoddington]

AIBU to think this is a mealy-mouthed, patronising, inadequate excuse for an apology.

Just had ‘words’ with a van driver who had mounted the kerb and was driving with two wheels along the pavement on the village high street this morning.

Five year old ds was running ahead of me on the way to school, and suddenly there was this van driving along the pavement towards him. I yelled at ds to STOP, he did, about three metres in front of the van. Van carried on moving. I raced up to him, grabbed ds, and the driver then pulled off the kerb as I approached his window to yell at him.

He did not appear to think he’d done anything wrong. He ‘apologised if he had offended me’. Offended! I asked if he had children and how he would feel if he saw his child running along a pavement with a large vehicle approaching along it. He said he did have kids, and that he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’.

I’m raging. The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour. It always makes me angry but they do at least usually stop dead if they see a pedestrian and pull off the pavement straight away. This guy carried on driving.

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary. It’s typical that this morning I had my hands full with musical instruments and bags and so on and was momentarily distracted by saying something to dd behind me, and ds had run further ahead than I’d have liked.

Ironically it was a Highways Agency van.

your children should be carrying their own bags, and musical instruments. Then you can concentrate on the important things like holding your child's hand. Small children are notorious for poor road sense.

Not unreasonable. A proper apology would have been: "I'm sorry I ignored the rules of the road and put your child in danger".

His use of the word offended was wrong. He should have said " I'm sorry for driving on the pavement " but ime van drivers rarely apologise in any form so I wouldn't be too upset that he used the word offended.

(That sounds a bit sarcastic, but I'm serious. As a driver sometime you have to focus on the more important things.) What, like staying on the road; having patience and waiting for the road to be clear; like not driving on the pavement cos, well it's the pavement, not a road?

Such driving fuckwittery is becoming more and more rife and more and more of the idiot drivers seem to think they are entitled to drive as they like!

Hello - one of your drivers drove on the pavement so I screamed at him and he apologised and no one was hurt.

Or hello, one of your drivers mounted a pavement near a school which as well as being illegal was obviously incredibly dangerous as there were children around. He then apologised for "offending me" which suggests that he doesn't even realise that what he was doing was illegal. Perhaps he shouldn't be employed to drive.

actually children have a perfect right to walk themselves to school. Drivers should be a) on the road and b) aware of their surroundings.

A few hundred metres from the school gates, my DD was walking a bit ahead of me and a car mounted the pavement right next to her. I was very angry, took a picture of the car and driver and forwarded it to our local p.o. The school were informed as well.

I would contact the relevant authorities, op.

Yanbu op, I hope you pointed out that he hadn’t offended you but that he had frightened the life out of both you and your dc.
I’d definitely be sending an email off to highways agency if you have enough details of the driver or van.

Also can't believe with some of the comments on here. Of course he was in the wrong - he was breaking the law wasn't he? Just because nobody got hurt this time, doesn't mean it's ok.

By that logic, you could drink and drive, speed, do any number of things, as long as you got lucky and didn't hurt anyone.

And of course a 5 year old should be able to run ahead on a pavement.

Those saying I was aggressive and over-reacted - I yelled until he wound down the window, then spoke to him in a normal volume. I didn’t swear and although I was furious I spoke calmly.

I agree I should have been holding his hand. I normally do, and he prefers to. Occasionally it’s not possible due to the amount of stuff it is necessary to carry to school, and I then control them by repeatedly saying “stay close”, “wait” etc. But small children do prance ahead. On this occasion I had turned and slowed momentarily to say something to dd behind me and ds had skipped a few metres ahead. They shouldn’t be in danger on a pavement in a village.

I have written to my MP about pavement drivers previously but she’s not interested.

YANBU

Some of the replies must be coming from those drivers who believe that rules don't apply to them, and are driving like dangerous idiots.

Who comes up with As a driver sometime you have to focus on the more important things. What the actual fuck? Apart from DRIVING, what do you think drivers have to focus on?

He should not have been on the pavement.
This happens a lot with lazy entitled drivers.
It will happen again sooner or later (maybe not with same driver..) be prepared to take a photo if you can with your phone and do report as it is obviously dangerous.
You did not overreact, he might think twice about doing that again because of you x

He shouldn't have been driving on the pavement so he was in the wrong.

On a different note, you could try making the kids carry their own school bags and instill it into them that they're to walk away from the kerb, rather than next to it.

WTF with the responses that OP should hold DC hands. Cars / vans should not be up on the pavement - and moving! OP report to police or highways agency

Small children are notorious for poor road sense.

Which is why they're generally encouraged to walk on the pavement instead, where there shouldn't be moving vans

Of course they have the right run ahead on the pavement! But that's in cloud cuckoo land where accidents never happen and children don't ever run out in the road or drivers don't mount the kerb or lose control of their cars for whatever reason!

You’re not wrong that they should carry their own bags! Sometimes they do. It’s a work in progress.

I got his number plate and have reported him.

Of course cars and vans shouldn't be on pavements but if you are walking in an area where you know from previous experience that it happens a lot, you hold hands.

YANBU. I would have considered taking the registration number of the van and complaining to the Highways Agency. Clearly the driver didn't understand what he had done wrong; perhaps if his employer pointed it out to him, he would desist from driving that way in the future.

Good. I'm amazed anyone thinks a complaint is ridiculous...he was driving along the pavement! He works for the highways agency, not some faceless small business.

The trouble with them running ahead or 'skipping' ahead is that cars/vans also reverse out of driveways, in both commercial and residential areas.

I've seen so many near misses, especially with kids shooting ahead on scooters.

The pavements aren't particularly safe places.

Gosh, YANBU at all.

1. You should definitely complain to the HA. That was dangerous and illegal driving. Whether he apologised is immaterial really. You can't 'apologise away' an illegal act.

2. You are right that that is not an apology. It means 'I think you are an idiot to be offended.'

Ignoring the specific incident, I am a bit on the fence about complaining about this kind of apology.

Sometimes the only thing I AM sorry about is hurting someone's feelings. It doesn't mean I regret my actions.

Case in point: my fiance was messing around with my brand new phone (snatching it away from me as a joke repeatedly) and dropped it. I snapped at him 'For god's sakes!' or something similarly innocuous. He gets huffy and upset that I spoke to him like that - but I only did it in a split second of shock and annoyance at my valuable possession being dropped on the stone floor. I wasn't sorry that I snapped, because the reason for it was pretty obvious and appropriate in the circumstance. He continued to be huffy for a while, far longer than my second of annoyance for his action.

It strikes me as a bit of a manipulative tactic to force an apology out of someone as if they're equally in the wrong, and being sorry for someone's feelings being hurt is only honesty if you don't feel like you've done anything wrong. It's only when you are definitively wrong that it isn't on to apologise like that.

(fiance is not usually that sulky - I think his need for an apology from me was a defensive reaction in shock at having dropped my phone as much as anything)

Roads are for vehicles. Pavements are for pedestrians.

In this particular instance he may have been 'in control' but it wasn't an emergency and so he shouldn't have been on the pavement. To be really pedantic - The Highway code, S145 states: "You MUST NOT drive on or over a pavement, footpath or bridleway except to gain lawful access to property, or in the case of an emergency."
Getting past a bit of other traffic is not an emergency. Report him.

We had a similar incident a few weeks back with someone driving a big 4x4. They couldn't wait the 10 seconds or so it would have taken for an oncoming vehicle (passing parked cars) to continue to a clear part of road, and decided they'd pass them by driving on the pavement. I was walking toward them with a whole load of other parents with children. We stood across the pavement (children on the inside, safe) and wouldn't let the driver pass. They ended up having to reverse and wait until it was safe.

OP you are in the right. Glad you reported him.