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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“I apologise if I’ve offended you”

344 replies

MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 09:19

AIBU to think this is a mealy-mouthed, patronising, inadequate excuse for an apology.

Just had ‘words’ with a van driver who had mounted the kerb and was driving with two wheels along the pavement on the village high street this morning.

Five year old ds was running ahead of me on the way to school, and suddenly there was this van driving along the pavement towards him. I yelled at ds to STOP, he did, about three metres in front of the van. Van carried on moving. I raced up to him, grabbed ds, and the driver then pulled off the kerb as I approached his window to yell at him.

He did not appear to think he’d done anything wrong. He ‘apologised if he had offended me’. Offended! I asked if he had children and how he would feel if he saw his child running along a pavement with a large vehicle approaching along it. He said he did have kids, and that he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’.

I’m raging. The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour. It always makes me angry but they do at least usually stop dead if they see a pedestrian and pull off the pavement straight away. This guy carried on driving.

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary. It’s typical that this morning I had my hands full with musical instruments and bags and so on and was momentarily distracted by saying something to dd behind me, and ds had run further ahead than I’d have liked.

Ironically it was a Highways Agency van.

OP posts:
user1483875094 · 14/03/2018 18:52

Great Duck
When did the "pavement" become a legal place to drive a car, or a van??

GUMBYMUMBY · 14/03/2018 18:53

I cannot believe that some people here think it is okay to drive extremely dangerously drive toward a child ...and then apologise. The first answer, in particular is completely ridiculous...I am spitting blue winkles!

You should report the incident TO THE POLICE. I hope you have the registration.

GUMBYMUMBY · 14/03/2018 18:53

He didn't 'offend you' he is bloody maniac. grrrr

Mrseft · 14/03/2018 18:59

Has it occurred to anyone that even if OP had been holding her child's hand she also had DD with her and if they had been further along this would have STILL presented a major safety issue?
They were on the pavement and had a reasonable expectation of safety from traffic. There are always crazy exceptions but a can driving on the pavement to avoid traffic calming measures or similar is not an expectation it's sheer fuckwittery.

Ddssdd · 14/03/2018 19:00

@Ddssdd - I think that the apology does matter. By saying “I am sorry if you were offended” rather than “I’m sorry for driving along the pavement”, the driver is saying clearly that he doesn’t think what he was doing was wrong. It is really a non-apology, and doesn’t give any assurance that he has realised what he has done wrong or that he will not do it again in the future

Fair point. But what can be done about it now? Plus, any idiot that thinks it okay to drive along a pavement is hardly going to realise that his apology didn't live up to much..

Heck, I've had dodgy/half-hearted apologies in the past, and the better part of me has taken it as an apology. We now it wasn't a 'perfect' one, but, hey ho..

user1483875094 · 14/03/2018 19:01

Van Driver SHOULD have said... "I apologise for terrifying you, and putting your childs' life at risk, and breaking the law... " OP hope you have got his registration, and that you will report him to the police! Ignore the morons, (yes morons) who blame you... they would be saying something else completely different, if their child had been hit by an idiot breaking the law, risking small children and parents, and driving on the pavement for their own convenience! You are ENTIRELY entitled to feel outrage and shock! Such a pathetic "get out of prison non-apology" is totally unnacceptable. He was BREAKING THE LAW, for his own convenience, and risking the lives of children, parents, and any other pedestrians! End of.

Certcert · 14/03/2018 19:02

know*

Ddssdd · 14/03/2018 19:03

Van Driver SHOULD have said... "I apologise for terrifying you, and putting your childs' life at risk, and breaking the law... "

BUT, HE DIDN'T!!

Ddssdd · 14/03/2018 19:04

He didn't say ANY of that, so why are we going around in circles..?? Confused

Gabilan · 14/03/2018 19:05

This is what can happen when you drive on the pavement www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/delivery-driver-who-mounted-pavement-12782437

Sadly the driver in that case was cleared. There's no over-reaction or aggression on the OP's part. We should not tolerate this kind of law breaking amongst drivers.

And the driver's "apology" counts for nothing.

user1483875094 · 14/03/2018 19:06

piratequeenio
The moron driver was A. breaking the law. B. Putting parents and other children at risk of their lives. C. Giving a complete "non apology".

OP is entirely entitled to feel enraged, as would very many other law abiding people. He was ENDAGERING peoples lives, by BREAKING THE LAW, and you thin that op was in the wrong?? What?? Was it your partner driving along the pavement where children were walking, or what?

MadMaryBoddington · 14/03/2018 19:14

Ddssdd If he had said something along the lines of “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been on the pavement. I was in a hurry and took a risk. I’ll think twice in future because I can see how it was a dangerous thing to do and must have frightened you” then I probably would have let it go. The fact is that his waffle about offending me showed that he thought he’d done nothing wrong.

What do I want to achieve? I want him to realise that it was dangerous and illegal. So I reported him in the hope he will receive some kind of re-training; or someone in authority will at least point him in the direction of a copy of the Highway Code.

As for this thread going round in circles pointlessly, if you’d RTFT you’d have seen my update about the local councillor getting involved; so there has been something of a result.

OP posts:
MadMaryBoddington · 14/03/2018 19:19

Gabilan that news story has made my blood run cold Sad

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/03/2018 19:28

user1483875094 Show me where I've said anything remotely like that.

Try rtft instead of making things up.

Gabilan · 14/03/2018 19:31

It was a horrible case Mary. I wish people realised that that thing they do every day is actually bloody dangerous. Of course a child should be safe on the pavement.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/03/2018 19:37

While this driver was clearly in the wrong, 'I'm sorry if I offended you' is often a wholly appropriate response to being pestered by some whinyarse who has either got the wrong end of the stick or who deserved whatever you said to/about them. And, if they are a particularly tiresome whinyarse, a sorrynotsorry apology has the enjoyable effect of annoying them even more.

Ddssdd · 14/03/2018 19:42

Great, the local councillor is involved...that's wonderful news.

Viperama · 14/03/2018 19:43

Typical Mumsnet victim blaming on this thread.

Ridiculous response from van driver, the least he could of said was apologies for frightening you. ‘Offended’ I hardly think you were offended.
Roads are for cars, pavements for paedestrians. It’s not a difficult concept to grasp.

user1489475866 · 14/03/2018 20:13

I rarely post here but am horrified by some of the responses. Call yourself parents.....maybe that’s why I don’t post here - shocking comments. Poor Mum, can’t imagine how you felt.
The driver was totally wrong in driving the way he did. I really hope that he’s severely reprimanded (at the least) and the local authority kick into action to remedy that part of the road.
Good luck OP and rise above the ignorant posts :)

Lillithxxx · 14/03/2018 20:26

Lots of idiot law breaking drivers (who clearly need to take/retake their driving tests) posting here saying you were unreasonable.
You were not. They are the unreasonable individuals who give not a sh*t for the law or others.

Bethjakemad · 14/03/2018 20:43

Pokémon go is ending my relationship.
I’m 40 as is my partner we are not married and don’t live together but he is at mine the majority of the time. I have 3 teenagers he has 1 ten year old, father of my children is non existent, mother of his wants him to do her roll plus his. So we very rarely get time alone. We both enjoy walking the dog and can sometimes grab a 40 min walk in which he decided to focus on Pokemon go. I think he’s childish. He can’t hear me at all whilst looking at phone, he’s one of them, completely zoned out, I’m invisible. Our relationship is very strained lately even had talk s about this yet tonight go for a walk and I’m competing with Pokemon for attention. He refused to put phone away and chat together, I’m going out with a child not a man

GnomeDePlume · 14/03/2018 20:43

I guess that faced with having been caught breaking the law and with an extremely irate and shaken parent the driver panicked and blurted out the first vaguely appropriate apology he could think of from the Highways Agency list of approved mealy mouthed statements.

Jenasaurus · 14/03/2018 20:54

The driver was wrong, if he drove on the pavement in his driving test he would have failed, your son was where he was meant to be on the pavement. The non apology the driver gave you was lame and I am glad you reported if it stops the driver doing it again and maybe this time the child wont be so lucky.

jellyjellabi · 14/03/2018 20:57

Unbelievably rude and condescending replies op, particularly the first one, but also those saying you should make your children carry their own bags. It’s none of anyone else’s business and wasn’t what your aibu was about in the first place. Of course you were not being unfair, the driver was driving on the pavement which is for pedestrians. Holding your child’s hand may have made no difference as you could both have been mown down by the van. I think you should report it to the highways dept especially as it happens fairly frequently.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 14/03/2018 21:10

Gabilan jesus christ. She actually got run over. That made me feel sick, I can’t imagine her poor Mum as she held her in her arms. Oh lord. Sad