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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“I apologise if I’ve offended you”

344 replies

MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 09:19

AIBU to think this is a mealy-mouthed, patronising, inadequate excuse for an apology.

Just had ‘words’ with a van driver who had mounted the kerb and was driving with two wheels along the pavement on the village high street this morning.

Five year old ds was running ahead of me on the way to school, and suddenly there was this van driving along the pavement towards him. I yelled at ds to STOP, he did, about three metres in front of the van. Van carried on moving. I raced up to him, grabbed ds, and the driver then pulled off the kerb as I approached his window to yell at him.

He did not appear to think he’d done anything wrong. He ‘apologised if he had offended me’. Offended! I asked if he had children and how he would feel if he saw his child running along a pavement with a large vehicle approaching along it. He said he did have kids, and that he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’.

I’m raging. The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour. It always makes me angry but they do at least usually stop dead if they see a pedestrian and pull off the pavement straight away. This guy carried on driving.

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary. It’s typical that this morning I had my hands full with musical instruments and bags and so on and was momentarily distracted by saying something to dd behind me, and ds had run further ahead than I’d have liked.

Ironically it was a Highways Agency van.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2018 19:40

Francis you know what you're not wrong. We can all take our eye off the ball and none of us are perfect. My stance on the thread wasn't really directed towards the OP if I'm honest as I can see from her posts that she normally holds her DC's hand.

But I apologise OP if you thought I directing this at you.

My frustration was with posters saying that it didn't matter whether a child's hand is held as the car shouldn't be on the road which of course it shouldn't but if we have hold of them then they are to some degree safer.

Anyway good to read your update OP, fingers crossed that something gets done.

Dungeondragon15 · 13/03/2018 19:51

My frustration was with posters saying that it didn't matter whether a child's hand is held as the car shouldn't be on the road which of course it shouldn't but if we have hold of them then they are to some degree safer.

So we should all hold our children's hands just in case a car decides to mount a pavement? I'll have to let my 15 year old know that... I'm sure she will be much safer.Confused

MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 20:17

Already reported, Francis.

OP posts:
MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 20:17

No need to apologise GreatDuck.

OP posts:
greathat · 13/03/2018 21:59

YANBU. No one should be driving on a pavement. It happens on a road near me where peoples front doors open straight onto the pavement. Basically they have to check no one is driving at them before they can step out

davidbyrneswhitesuit · 14/03/2018 12:24

Well done, OP - let us know if you get a response from the HA, too.

Turquoise123 · 14/03/2018 17:26

Vans driving on pavements - no way !

Say you had 3 children - or more - how could you hold their hands....?

Irishmomma14 · 14/03/2018 17:30

Seriously !?? This is how children get run over buy people who are in too much of a hurry to think . Think about consequences and also what they write !!! .

MomofS · 14/03/2018 17:34

Awful, I would make a complaint. A child should be able to walk on the pavement without a vehicle almost killing them.

doug1964 · 14/03/2018 17:41

Van drivers are one thing, but have you seen the mums on a school run in their Chelsea tractors in Joy lane, its like death race 2000. The rules are, if the obstruction in the road (usually another parked Chelsea tractor) is on your side of the road then you should give way to the oncoming traffic on the other side of the road, not as seems to be the accepted wisdom , pull out and start a game of chicken.

Elendon · 14/03/2018 17:42

I have been following this thread and I'm happy you got this outcome. Well done.

Hairyloon · 14/03/2018 17:48

Definitely wants a proper complaint to the highways agency, if not a brick through the window.

OllyBJolly · 14/03/2018 17:59

Working for a major public sector organisation I was told never to admit fault. I didn't have the authority to admit liability on my employer's behalf. I could say "I'm sorry you're upset" "I'm sorry you're not happy" I'm sorry you think our service could be better" etc etc but never say "I'm sorry".

Bit like your insurance company tells you never to admit fault.

treacletoffee23 · 14/03/2018 18:00

Driving on the pavement is illegal. Walking , running , skipping etc isnt.

husbandnet · 14/03/2018 18:05

YANBU He committed an offence by driving on the pavement. Whether he felt fully in control or not. I could argue I felt fully in control driving the wrong way of an empty street. I've still committed an offence. He could be fined.
His offence has nothing to do with your feeling "offended". He broke the law.

Report him.

Hellsbellscockleshells · 14/03/2018 18:11

To be honest whilst I would also have got a fright I am more concerned that you weren’t holding your 5 year olds hand and he was running ahead in this busy narrow location. Five year olds have no road sense whatsoever if he had seen little Johnny across the road or a nice dog or something he could have easily have crossed over. Also if the road is so narrow personally I just wouldn’t risk it.

StarsAndWater · 14/03/2018 18:11

Utterly gobsmacked by those thinking the OP overreacted. The driver knowingly knowingly drove a van on the pavement and kept going even when there were running children ahead of him.
This could easily have ended in tragedy and if it had he would have been looking at a prison sentence and rightly so.
OP was more than within her rights to tell him off with nothing but pure fury.

Jon66 · 14/03/2018 18:22

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I too would have shouted at him, it's frightening when a vehicle is coming toward you on the pavement, and how did you know he was control of his vehicle. Imagine an elderly person who couldn't move quickly, that would have frightened them to death. Pavements are for people not cars. I too would have made a formal complaint to the company.

manicmij · 14/03/2018 18:27

Next time get your phone our and record the movement then report to police. Driving on footpath is an offence but it has to be witnessed to be acted upon. Must have been really scary for you. Glad your D'S wasn't injured.

SomewhereontheM6 · 14/03/2018 18:28

OP was posting about the poor apology.
Presumably though there isn't a suitable apology for driving on a pavement.
I haven't read the whole thread but it seems they may have reported the driver. So I don't suppose he should have aplogised at all as he will answer to someone other than the Op.

Ddssdd · 14/03/2018 18:28

He mounted the pavement, what's done is done. Your child isn't hurt. He apologised, not in the way you would have liked, but an apologise, nonetheless.

Apart from moaning about what has already happened. What would you like to happen now? Or is this just one of those boring threads that go around and around and around..

ClaryFray · 14/03/2018 18:35

I'm in two minds. Yes the driver was in he wrong and shouldn't have been on the pavement. You told him off, he apologised. I think maybe that's it.

Your DS wasn't injured or hit. Maybe keep hold of his hand at 5 years old he should be able to walk along the road sensibly.

Complain if you feel that strongly. But imo nothing happened. Beyond a idiot acting like an idiot.

TIVI · 14/03/2018 18:39

not an excuse but the driver was probably under pressure to deliver items and could not wait for a gap in the traffic. Maybe he will consider his driving for the next stretch of road after he realised what he had done.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/03/2018 18:48

@Ddssdd - I think that the apology does matter. By saying “I am sorry if you were offended” rather than “I’m sorry for driving along the pavement”, the driver is saying clearly that he doesn’t think what he was doing was wrong. It is really a non-apology, and doesn’t give any assurance that he has realised what he has done wrong or that he will not do it again in the future.

YassQueen · 14/03/2018 18:51

I haven't RTFT but from what I have read it appears the "report him" situation is resolved, but on the apology -

I'd say "I apologise if I've offended you" is a proper apology. You acknowledge you may have offended someone and you're apologising for it.

My go-to "sorry not sorry" is "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry that you feel offended by that".