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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“I apologise if I’ve offended you”

344 replies

MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 09:19

AIBU to think this is a mealy-mouthed, patronising, inadequate excuse for an apology.

Just had ‘words’ with a van driver who had mounted the kerb and was driving with two wheels along the pavement on the village high street this morning.

Five year old ds was running ahead of me on the way to school, and suddenly there was this van driving along the pavement towards him. I yelled at ds to STOP, he did, about three metres in front of the van. Van carried on moving. I raced up to him, grabbed ds, and the driver then pulled off the kerb as I approached his window to yell at him.

He did not appear to think he’d done anything wrong. He ‘apologised if he had offended me’. Offended! I asked if he had children and how he would feel if he saw his child running along a pavement with a large vehicle approaching along it. He said he did have kids, and that he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’.

I’m raging. The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour. It always makes me angry but they do at least usually stop dead if they see a pedestrian and pull off the pavement straight away. This guy carried on driving.

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary. It’s typical that this morning I had my hands full with musical instruments and bags and so on and was momentarily distracted by saying something to dd behind me, and ds had run further ahead than I’d have liked.

Ironically it was a Highways Agency van.

OP posts:
MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 14:54

Not Goudhurst, no.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2018 14:56

Yeah I am boring myself Radio but Dungeon keeps quoting my responses so it would be rude not to reply 🤷‍♀️

OutyMcOutface · 13/03/2018 14:57

You should have told him that your feelings were irrelevant. He broke the law.

Babyplaymat · 13/03/2018 14:58

It's a ridiculous response as much as anything. Do you think he understands what offended mean? It makes no sense in this context.

carefreeeee · 13/03/2018 14:59

Yanbu.

The hand holding is a red herring. The driver could have driven into an adult or a child or both. 150 people get killed every year by being hit by cars on the pavement.

Agree with whoever it was said that reprimanding one driver won't help. It won't. There needs to be properly designed roads and pavements combined with much stricter penalties for bad driving

RadioGaGoo · 13/03/2018 15:02

Reprimanding one driver might not help in that situation, but it may prevent him from mounting a kerb elsewhere that could cause harm.

Dungeondragon15 · 13/03/2018 15:04

Is this really that hard for you to comprehend?

Is it really hard to comprehend that it is completely and utterly fucking irrelevant.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2018 15:09

When it means your DC's safety is in question then of course it's not fucking irrelevant. Nobody would agree that driving on the pavement isn't dangerous but people do it. So with that in mind keep your kids close by.

Or are you the sort that would take the risk just because it's illegal and they shouldn't be doing it? Hmm

Ruffian · 13/03/2018 15:09

I think a reprimand would be useful in this case (along with other actions) to emphasise to this idiot that he was in the wrong since he clearly thought the opposite

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2018 15:11

I agree Ruffian. Hopefully what the OP said to him will make him stop driving on the pavement from now on.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/03/2018 15:18

Your comment makes you a very poor employer. You would seriously sack someone with no investigation?

For the hard of thinking, if you read my comment (the one you quoted) it actually says ‘start the process’ part and parcel of that would be an investigation.

Ruffian · 13/03/2018 15:22

Err no, I mean an official reprimand. But of course you knew that.

Tralalee · 13/03/2018 15:23

He was completely in the wrong and a dangerous driver. He should have waited. Ignore everyone saying hold his hand.

Tralalee · 13/03/2018 15:25

If he had hit and injured your son he would have been 100% in the wrong. Probably would have been worth reminding him of that.

ariettyspaghetti · 13/03/2018 15:25

🤷‍♀️ i'd be letting his line manager know about his driving, personally.

Dungeondragon15 · 13/03/2018 15:27

When it means your DC's safety is in question then of course it's not fucking irrelevant. Nobody would agree that driving on the pavement isn't dangerous but people do it. So with that in mind keep your kids close by.

It is irrelevent to the question of whether the OP has every right to be angry with the driver and whether OP should report the driver. Constantly going on about what the OP should have done to prevent this is similar to telling someone who was burgled that they should have locked up more carefully or telling someone who was attacked that they shouldn't walk home in the dark. Whether or not it is true it doesn't make the perpetrator any less responsible and it doesn't mean the victim is to blame for what has happened.

As for "keeping kids close by", the child was close by and wasn't hurt. The fact is that they could have been though, just as an older child or even adult could have been hurt by a driver on the pavement.

Kitchenbound · 13/03/2018 15:29

And of course if, god forbid, the child had actually been hit everyone on here would be up in arms about it. Really, your kids have never ever run ahead even once? Gold medals in the mail. This thread has clearly gone so long that half the posters are missing the point. Driver + pavement = illegal dangerous and bloody stupid! Simple maths!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2018 15:41

Again there you go twisting things. I have not said the OP didn't have the right to be angry or that she shouldn't have spoken to him. Both of these things were justifiable under the circumstances.

Dungeondragon15 · 13/03/2018 15:46

Again there you go twisting things. I have not said the OP didn't have the right to be angry or that she shouldn't have spoken to him. Both of these things were justifiable under the circumstances.

But that is the only thing that is relevant. There is no need for patronising advice on keeping the child close. I'm sure OP will keep their child as close as possible on that road but the fact is that driving on the pavement is a danger to all pedestrians including toddlers holding hands as well as older children and adults.

KERALA1 · 13/03/2018 16:31

Weirdest thread ever! Of COURSE you not being unreasonable op my blood was boiling reading what happened. Anyone that thinks otherwise is either very weird or being goady.

Compare with the response when a cyclist cycles on the pavements. They are baying for blood then. But a van - its your own fault you should have been holding your child's hand. Nonsense.

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 13/03/2018 16:43

The van should not have mounted the kerb. To do so is illegal, however much time it may save him!

FrancisCrawford · 13/03/2018 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 19:25

UPDATE! I pinged off an email to the local councillor this afternoon, despite thinking it was a bit pointless, and I have received a reply from him agreeing that the current situation is ‘intolerable’. He informs me that the parish council is currently in talks with the Highways Agency about what can be done and he will feed my comments and suggestions directly into the process! Of course it remains to be seen if anything will be done, but I think this is incredibly positive. Thank you MN for spurring me on to take action - because you did Flowers

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 13/03/2018 19:30

Well done OP. Keep on at the Council.

FrancisCrawford · 13/03/2018 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.