Being unwell is easier for a sahp than a childless FT worker

[malterbitty]

I was just chatting to a friend on a group WhatsApp. We've both got the flu and we're having a good moan about how hard it is. She's basically said what a hero she is for going to work regardless and I have it easier because I only have to look after a 2 year old at home. Am I BU for being a bit annoyed?

I told her I don't get the luxury of sitting over a bowl of Vicks, and she's said of course I can, I can just leave my toddler to play on his own (he will not play on his own).

I would find it easier to go to work personally, but maybe I'm being unreasonable.

???

It's much easier being ill if you don't have small kids!

But has she really got flu? I'd be in bed if I had flu, not going to work.

If she's really got flu she wouldn't be able to go to work. And if she does, she is being very selfish in giving it to all her colleagues.

She is being unreasonable, I've been both and trying to entertain a toddler while feeling like death is way harder than sitting at a desk not talking to anyone. She also has the option of taking a sick day where she will have peace and quiet to sleep!

I’d find it easier to be at home with the kids.

Well I doubt she has the flu if she's in work and I expect her colleagues won't think she's a hero. She sounds full of her own self importance, leave her to it, it's not a competition

God she's so clueless!!

I feel guilty every time I have to leave a poorly DP at home with DC (like this morning!).

Absolutely not and I say that as a ft childless worker. I am ttc and every time I get a migraine I think how will I cope when I have a child.

She clearly doesn’t have flu.

Also, are you sure you mean she has flu, not a heavy cold? I've never had flu, touch wood, but i understand from people who have that you're pretty much incapacitated. My DM always said it was the only time she'd have failed the £50 test (if someone put a £50 note on your toes, could you reach down to get it).

I would have thought the same pre-dc.

She's obviously bu.

If either you had the flu, neither of you would be able to get out of bed, much less look after a two year old or go to work

So she's one of those people who likes to share her germs with her colleagues just so she can play the martyr. What a hero. Honestly, I'd rather she stayed at home - if she does indeed have the flu (unlikely if she's capable of working).

But no, it is not easier to care for dc when you're ill - particularly not a 2yo. And I say that as a ft worker with 2 dc. When I'm ill I often wonder how single parents cope.

I don't have kids yet and the idea of looking after small children with actual flu scares me!

She obvs hasn't got flu though. And I'd hate her if she was a work colleague of mine.

I found it tiring to go to work as a teacher (invokv

It sounds like you are very competitive with each other. You're both ill and both having to get on with your life. Why does it matter who's finding it harder?

As a currently child free person, she’s nuts. I don’t know how mummy parent friends cope when they’re ill and still have to look after children! Much easier to be ill if the only person you’re reasonable is yourself. Has she need a toddler?!

Met* not need

If you've got flu, being able to dump the kids at school/nursery and collapse back into bed is easier than having a small child around the house and feeling like death.

But if I had to pick a small child or work, whilst actually pretending I was ok, I'd pick work. Disclaimer - it depends on your job!

People having differing views of SAHP, instead of thinking there's a spectrum from putting CBeebies on and putting your feet up with a magazine or phone, through to really hands on SAHP who does lots of activities.

I'm guessing she's of the opinion you lead this luxury life where you have no worries financially, you pop down DC near toy box, put CBeebies on and practice your mindfulness to block out the noise of whatever hit show is on CBeebies now. (Anything with Justin - save my soul please!)

Don't take it personally, it's just the idea people have about SAHP. You could debate about it till you're nearly blue in the face but she'll still have her opinion.

The weird thing is DC could also be ill, so in that case you've got a clingy toddler that could spew any second from phlegm, I reckon she can the better deal.

I don’t know how I’d have survived this pregnancy without being able to take sick leave and stay in bed because ds is at Nursery. So much easier as a ft employee!

Your friend is unreasonable for plodding on to work regardless. If she's ill she can and should take time off sick. Where, as a childless adult she can lay in bed and recuperate to her hearts content.

If you are a sahp, unless you have friends and family will to have little one, you will likely be laying on the sofa, tuned in permanently to one of the various children's channels with a running routine of food/drink/toileting/nappy change/requests to play etc.

Even a baby isn't much easier except they are more likely to sleep more and let you close your eyes for longer than a non-napping toddler.

I'm a sahp. Mine are all now in school so all I have to do when I am ill is get them to/from school. However, when they were home all day, it would have been easier to be a working parent. At least then I could have still sent them to nursery and then phoned in sick.

It depends how I'll you are. If you are delirious with the flu you'll need to find childcare!

Iv been ill for the past week, my 3 year old has also been ill...it's been hellish.
You're friend hasn't got the flu, she has a cold..iv had the flu twice in my entire life and I couldn't move from my bed.

Childless people usually don’t understand what it is like to have a toddler at home. Just ignore it (but maybe have a good chuckle at the leave him to play on his own comment).

She hasn’t got flu. My OH currently has it and today is his 5th day spent in bed. Our equivalent to the £20 test was to put two pieces of Toblerone (his favourite) by his bedside 2 days ago. They are still there!

So no, she hasn’t got flu, but she feels ill. She has the option of phoning in sick. Being at home poorly with a toddler is hideous.